Hello everyone, today we're diving into the mysterious world of
British politeness or indirectness.
Where what we say isn't always what we mean.
So, if you've ever found yourself scratching your head trying to
decode a Brit's true intentions, you're in the right place.
First up, Hi, how are you?
Now, you might think this is a genuine question about your well being, but let
me tell you, it's really just a greeting.
We are just being polite and usually expect a simple, good thanks in return.
Hi, how are you?
I'm good, thanks.
In essence, hi, how are you is not an invitation to
unpack your emotional baggage.
We Right there and then.
If you start diving into how your cats on hunger strike and your landlords
turned passive aggressive, you're breaking the unwritten rule of greetings.
It's just what you do to get to the next step of any social interaction.
Another common answer to, hi, how are you, is I'm fine, thanks.
Hi, how are you?
I'm fine, thanks.
I'm fine is a go to response, almost like a reflex.
But does anyone ever sound truly happy saying it?
I'm fine.
I'm fine often just means I'm fine.
I'm managing to survive, thank you very much.
So let's quickly practice now.
I'm going to ask you, how are you, and I want you to give me a very basic,
simple, and relatively positive response.
Ready?
Hi!
How are you?
You've got it.
Ever heard someone say, we should grab a coffee some time?
Let's meet up soon.
And the classic response, Let's do that.
Well, spoiler alert, there is a good chance that coffee is never happening.
We should grab a coffee sometime.
Let's do that.
This again is just a polite way of interacting with someone.
It's usually a good way to leave and break up the interaction.
Oh, I've got to go, but we should grab a coffee sometime.
It says to them that you're interested and you do like them, so it stays
positive, but that you have to go right now, but there's no commitment there.
There's no I'll call you and let's arrange a date or next Friday.
I'm free.
Let's go out for drinks.
There's no real Intention.
It's just a politeness.
We should get together sometime.
Yeah, sure.
Let's do that So if someone says that to you don't take it too seriously But
what about when someone says do you want to go for a drink here be warned?
That this is never just about one drink.
If you say yes To going out for a drink.
You might as well clear your evening schedule.
Now, let's dive deeper into the art of British politeness.
First up, the classic.
No offence but, or the more formal version, with all due respect.
These phrases are like warning beacons.
What comes next is likely not going to be entirely pleasant.
No offence, but your presentation might need a little bit of work.
Did you catch that?
It starts with a polite preface, but it's a soft setup for something rather blunt.
This approach here is a masterclass in the art of saying Maybe give it another go.
While also trying to preserve the other person's ego, as if it's a
fragile piece of crystal glass.
Of course, this phrase can be used jokingly, or in a sarcastic way, and yes,
we British love a little bit of sarcasm.
For example,
and someone hands you a hamburger that looks like it's been on
one flame for a whole day.
Now, instead of just admitting it's burnt beyond recognition, you lean in
and whisper, No offence, but this burger might need a little bit of ketchup.
What about the more formal version?
With all due respect.
With all due respect, I believe that this strategy may lead us
away from our main objectives.
Have we considered the risks associated with this approach?
When someone starts a sentence with with all due respect, it's the
corporate equivalent of Brace yourself, I'm about to disagree with you.
It's like putting on a velvet glove before delivering a slap.
The use of, I believe this strategy might lead us away from our main
objectives, is a polite way of saying, Are you using a map or just wandering
around hoping to bump into success?
It's a way of subtly pointing out that the current strategy could be as misguided as
using a compass in a room full of magnets.
Then comes the final blow.
Have we considered the potential risks associated with this approach?
Here, Bob is essentially asking if everyone else Sees the iceberg he's
staring at, or if they're all too busy rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.
It's a tactful reminder to everyone that ignoring the risks
doesn't make them disappear.
It just makes the surprise bigger.
So, in the grand tradition of office diplomacy, Bob is not just
expressing concern, he's trying to steer the ship away from disaster,
all while making sure he doesn't get thrown overboard for mutiny.
And all of this is disguised in the gentle phrase, with all due respect.
Which might as well mean, please don't fire me.
But, moving on, let's consider the phrase, no worries, it's probably my fault.
It's a masterclass in deflection and politeness.
Even when we know it's not our fault.
It's our way of smoothing over a situation, maintaining harmony.
Without pointing fingers.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, no worries.
It's probably my fault.
See that smile?
It's strained.
It's tight.
Classic British keep calm and carry on.
We're essentially saying let's not make a fuss.
even though inside I'm fuming.
This level of politeness can be confusing to outsiders as it mixes
genuine courtesy with a touch of indirect blame or self deprecation.
It's all about maintaining that stiff upper lip, keeping the peace
and moving on without conflict.
Moving on to maybe we could, yeah, followed by I'll let you know.
I'm not really interested, but I don't want to hurt your
feelings by saying no directly.
Do you want to go out on Friday night?
Maybe we could, yeah.
I'll let you know.
Next, when we start a sentence with I'm afraid.
This is our gentle opener for letting someone down.
If you hear this, brace yourself for bad news.
I'm afraid we've run out of the fish of the day.
I'm terribly sorry.
The word sorry can mean anything from genuinely apologising to just trying to
get past you in a crowded tube station.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Not bad.
Might sound a bit lukewarm, but for us, it's actually quite positive.
It's the British way of saying things are going pretty well
without sounding too boastful.
I've just won 100!
Not bad!
And whenever you answer, I'll think about it.
To an invitation or request, let me be clear, this is never
making it on our to do list.
I'm hosting a games night at my house on Tuesday.
You have to come.
Oh, let me think about it.
I'll let you know.
We are not going to think about it.
We're not interested.
But you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, so you say, I'll think about it.
So, there you have it, a little guide to deciphering the true meanings
behind what we British folks say.
Now, if you've had any experience of miscommunication, of hearing something but
knowing they mean something else within an English conversation, let me know.
Please tell me all about it in the comments section.
And if you'd like more practice of interacting in English, then consider
becoming a member of my award winning Conversation Club, where you get
access to resources for speaking, listening, reading, and writing,
all for a very low monthly fee.
Check out the Conversation Club by clicking on the link in the description.
Until next time, take very good care, and goodbye!