In this video, we're going to be talking about five insecurities that your ex is probably
experiencing that they won't talk about. But first, my name is Clay with Modernlove.life,
where we help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for without
having to play mind games, without having to play hard to get and without having to pretend to be
someone or something that you are not, because you of course deserve to be loved for the unique,
amazing, and wonderful person that you are. And if you agree with me, please help a guy out with
his YouTube channel, hit that thumbs up button for the algorithm. Leave a comment down below,
again for the algorithm. And also subscribe to the channel as well too, so that you can get notified
when we publish and upload new videos. Also, we are going to be talking about
having some important conversations with your ex and communicating and all of that.
If that is something that you want a little bit more help with, we do have our course called
Effortless Connection. You can find a link to that right down below in the description box.
I know that some people are like, well, do I do Ex Solution Program or do I do Effortless Connection?
If it's communication you want to learn more about, Effortless Connection is the one for you.
Also, I would really only recommend Effortless Connection if you're actually in contact with your
ex, but the Ex Solution Program is more for the emotional stuff, the advanced relational skills,
connecting on the emotional level and all of that. Also, Effortless Connection is great for people
who are in relationships, who might not be broken up yet, but they're not where they want to be with
that relationship. So Effortless Connection is good in that capacity as well too. But anyway,
it's right down below. If it's a good fit for you, feel free to sign up. If not, no worries.
But okay, let's get into this. Five insecurities your ex has that they do not want to talk to you
about. The first one is that they feel guilty or embarrassed for hurting you. I know that this can
be a little bit surprising for some people. It seems like your ex has this personality
flip right after they break up where suddenly they're very cold. They're very stern. They're
very harsh. They're very mean. They're very, sometimes even cruel towards you.
How could they feel guilty or embarrassed for hurting you?
And the truth is nobody wants to think of themselves as this sort of
terrible person that goes around and hurting other people, right? Nobody wants to do it.
And so when you find yourself in a position where you have to do something like that,
break up with someone and there's tears and crying and all that sort of stuff, you start to feel bad
about it. You start to feel guilty about it, and this causes them to do all sorts of things
like maybe twist and distort their memory or experience of you so that they might sort of
create a version of you that's maybe a little bit more exaggerated than reality that was worthy of
breaking up with. So they might say like, Oh, you always did this, and maybe you did it like once
or something like that, or you never did this and maybe you forgot to do it like once or something.
And that's where a lot of these exaggerations come from. They're trying to rationalize this
feeling or this belief that maybe they're not a great person because they hurt you because they
caused you pain. They caused you to cry. They did something like that. So that's the first
insecurity that your ex has is they don't want to feel guilty or embarrassed for hurting you. Okay.
The second one is that they are afraid to admit that they still have feelings for you. Your ex is
probably still very emotionally mixed about you. Again, they may have this sort of hard front,
this hard exterior shell, so to speak, that's very cold. That's very unresponsive. That's very
unemotional. This is where you might experience some things like that wall of reactants stage
of getting back together, that test drive stage of getting back together, or even the cold side
of the riding, the dragon stage. By the way, if you have no idea what I'm talking about
when it comes to all this stuff, please feel free to check out this video series up here
on The Five Stages Your Ex Goes Through In Getting Back Together. This is actually pretty informative
for a lot of people. It helps to explain some confusing, some weird behavior that your ex
might have, and it helps to give you some context to understand what is motivating that behavior.
But yeah, your ex probably has a lot of feelings for you still. They obviously
we're in a relationship with you. They probably did love you. Again. I don't know the nature of
your relationship, but they probably did have a very strong love bond with you,
and they probably did see a future with you. And the fact that the two of you broke up,
the fact that something came between the two of you, it doesn't necessarily change that, at least
not right away. And so there's still probably a part of your ex that misses that connection, that
misses that closeness, that misses that shared emotional experience that the two of you had.
And of course, if you can continue to nurture that emotional experience through connecting on an
emotional level and all of that stuff, it can be really helpful for bringing the two of you closer
together. But you have to be a little bit careful about this though, because they're a little bit
afraid to admit this. So you want to do this sort of slowly by slowly kind of starting in with some
surface level connection, slowly building up that level of rapport, deepening to the emotional level
and all that. This is all stuff that we talk about in our courses, but that's what you want to do.
The third insecurity that your ex has is that they're actually embarrassed that
their relationship didn't work out. We all, I think, especially when it comes to like serious
relationships, we're all really excited about them. We all think, okay, is this going to be
the one person that I'm with for the rest of my life? Is this going to be the person that
I marry? Is this going to be the person that I'm going to spend decades of my life with and we're
going to go through the seasons of life together and we're going to get married and have kids and
grow old together and all that stuff? Your ex is probably a little bit embarrassed that
it didn't work out, especially as they are having to turn around and tell maybe their family,
their friends, other people in their life that things didn't work out for whatever reason.
They're a little bit embarrassed. They're a little bit embarrassed that maybe
this didn't work out the way they wanted it to, that they were really excited about
this relationship, but somehow it didn't live up to expectation or whatever the case may.
When I was first getting together with my big ex, the one that I met in high school, I took a lot of
pride in the fact that we were great together. We stayed together for quite a long time.
We were always like that one couple that you knew from high school, that's like, oh yeah, they're
so great together. They're so cute together. They're going to get married and all that.
And I thought like, wow, this could be it. I could get this whole relationship thing right.
When we had our breakups in the past, I did feel kind of embarrassed about it. Oh, wow, what did
I do? I thought I had this great relationship. I thought I had this whole thing figured out,
and then here we are breaking up, here she is telling me she's attracted to someone else,
here it is, she's telling me she's leaving me for this other guy or whatever. And so it can feel a
little bit embarrassing for sure. Absolutely. And so your ex is probably feeling this way as
well too, regardless of the circumstances of your breakup. Yeah. They probably were excited
about the relationship. They were probably hoping that this could be the relationship
for them. Maybe it hadn't worked out, they might feel a little bit embarrassed about that.
The fourth thing that your ex might feel insecure about is that they might feel a little bit afraid
that they're making the wrong choice in their breakup. Most breakups come and build up over
a period of time, right? There's usually something that in the relationship that's
not working. It is continued to be not addressed, and it eventually reaches some sort of threshold
where someone feels like they need to end the relationship. They need to do something. They
need to take a stand for something or whatever the case may be. Even after that point, as you're
going up to that point of breakup, there's this part of you that says, okay, maybe it can work.
Maybe it can work. Maybe I don't need to do this. Maybe we can just hang on a little bit longer.
And even as you're going into the breakup, like, okay, we're going to have this conversation today
or something like that. You're thinking in your mind, maybe it's not so bad.
Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill or something like that. Maybe I can make it work.
And so even after they actually sit down and have the breakup with you,
there's still a part of them that says, did I do the right thing?
Maybe it really wasn't that bad. Did I really do the right thing? I don't know.
So there's that kind of seed of doubt that I think a lot of people are carrying after a breakup,
especially in the early stages, right. That can even carry on longterm as well too. So if you
and your ex have been broken up for many months or years or something, they still
might have that seed of doubt, especially if the two of you are starting to connect better now,
which actually leads us into our fifth insecurity, which is that your ex may feel doubt when the two
of you actually have good positive interactions. If you're following the stuff that we teach,
you're probably going to be having some interesting interactions with your ex
that are probably going to be outside of the norm that you would have had before.
And just know that when you have these positive interactions where you're able to open up
and connect and share things on an intense, emotional level, that's actually going to plant
the seed of doubt in your mind, in your ex's mind. Remember very back at the beginning of this video,
we talked about how your ex had to create this version of you worth breaking up with in order to
justify why they hurt someone. Well, every time you have a positive interaction with your ex,
you're actually causing them to second guess that negative version of you that they have
created in their own mind. Maybe they didn't have to work that hard to create it. Maybe there's some
good merit in terms of why they don't have a great opinion of you, but maybe they did have to kind of
twist and distort things a lot in order to create that version of you that's worth breaking up with.
Maybe they think you're not interested in them, emotionally you always think of yourself,
you never take interest in their experience or their day, or what's going on with them,
or what's important to them or whatever. And then you show up and you have this interaction where
you're like, well, what's that like for you? How did that make you feel? Tell me more about that.
What are you hoping is going to come out of this thing? Or what are your dreams for the future?
And then suddenly they're like, what's going on. I thought I broke up with someone
who didn't care about me and here, I just had this great connection with someone, this great
positive connection with my ex. And we were talking about all the things that are important
to me. Was I just totally wrong in my take that they're totally selfish and disinterested in me?
What's going on? And oftentimes, your ex will have this period of disbelief where they're not sure
if they can put their faith in what they're seeing and experiencing with you,
which causes them to be doubtful and not trust you and all that stuff. Maybe they think it's, oh,
you're doing something. Did you learn some sort of gimmick on the internet or something like that?
Well, I don't know. If it's empathy that I'm teaching, okay, cool. That's a good gimmick
that I'd like to teach, but I like to teach people genuine, authentic empathy, not just asking some
clever questions and you're just like, yeah, okay. You done talking now, so I can talk? I want people
to actually have a true sense of empathy. And so just know that as you are having
these positive interactions with your ex, you are taking power away from this version
of you, that they are holding onto, that they are telling themselves was worthy of breaking up with,
and you're creating a new version of you that is starting to overtake that negative version of you,
okay, and continue to nurture that and build that because your ex is going to be a little
bit distrustful of it at first, because it's coming out of nowhere. They think you're this way,
and then you're showing up this way. They're going to be like, what is that? Are you doing
something? Did you learn some sort of gimmick on the internet or something like that?
It's going to take a while, but consistently show up and eventually they'll get, oh, okay. I get it.
That's just how you are. Maybe that breakup was actually kind of a wake-up call for you to kind of
change your priorities in life or whatever it might be that you needed to do. That's something
that you want to do in that situation. Okay. So what do we do about these insecurities
that your ex is feeling? That's really what we want to talk about here. And oftentimes,
communication can be a great tool to help us to navigate these things, to help us to navigate
things that are openly talked about and things that are also not openly talked about. We want
to be delicate about many of these things, because they are insecurities, they are things
regarding feelings of guilt, embarrassment, et cetera. So we don't just want to be like,
hey, you're feeling this way. You're feeling embarrassed or something like that because people
can be very defensive when you just directly confront them with stuff like that, but we want
to also be sensitive to it. And if it's necessary, we want to address the elephant in the room. If we
don't necessarily need to, we can just know that that might be what they're experiencing and we can
just be considerate of it as we interact with them and build up that emotional connection.
And once again, if you do want to learn more about communication, we do have that course
called Effortless Connection. You can find that right down below in the description box.
If it's right for you, you're more than welcome to sign up. If it's not right for you,
no worries. Not here to twist your arm over it, but once again, thank you so much for watching
this video. If you did like this video, you could hit that thumbs up button for the
YouTube algorithm. Leave a comment down below. Subscribe to the channel, all that good stuff.
And if you do want to learn more about connecting with your ex on an emotional level, we do have
this video series over here on Advanced Relational Skills that might be useful
for you. Or you might want to check out this video right here. But once again,
my name is Clay. Thank you so much for watching this video, and I'll talk to you next time.