'What you been up to?'
'Nothing that concerns you.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘I don’t like the looks of this.’
Revenge of the Virgins follows one of the commonest tropes in B movies.
‘There came a time when the only remaining members of the this tribe were women’
All aged between 18 and 25, what are odds?
This is a Western take on that old standard.
‘Some of these stories are based on fact,
others, no doubt, conceived in the minds of grizzled old prospectors,’
While this one was just made up by writer Ed Wood, and draws on classic Western.
‘Ironically the leader of these Indians was herself white.’
Adopted into the tribe as a child, like in John Ford’s The Searchers, with one slight alteration.
Topless Indians and in 1959 no less.
Indulging in their traditional pursuits of dancing…
and hopscotch.
But the main story follows Melvin Potter and his horrible wife.
‘I want to make money. Big money.’
They’ve heard about a remote gold strike from grizzled old prospector Pan Taggart.
‘Why there’s spots in that creek where the nuggets just reflect the sun at you’
and they want in.
‘Where’s this gold supposed to be?’
‘At a place called gold creek’
Amazing no one else has noticed with that name, but there’s a problem.
'It’s deep in Indian territory’
Half-naked indian territory.
So Potter brings along some hired guns to protect him,
seduce his wife, and kill him should the opportunity arise.
‘Are we going to take over this outfit tonight?’
So, Treasure of Sierra Madre but with half-naked Indians.
'Like a couple of prairie dogs, just waiting to be picked off.'
The group is joined by a couple of cavalry deserters, because
what the drama desperately needed was two more non-descript men to get shot by Indians.
I don’t even know who that was.
‘Give me a sign if you’re still alive’
But greed keeps the prospectors going.
‘If we’re ever gonna reach that gold we’re going to need all the guns and wits we can muster.’
I’d say you were set for guns, but wits?
‘I’m planning on getting out as quick as I can.’
‘How quick is that?’
They reach gold creek.
‘Here it is. Gold. Gol…’
But the Indians aren’t giving up their gold so easily.
‘An arrow came out of nowhere.’
He’s right, even I can’t tell where the arrows are coming from.
Finally....
‘It looks as if we’re the only 2 left’
It makes sense to work together now.
I just hope neither of you start talking about what you’re going to do when you get out of this.
‘I’m gonna by that saloon.’
Might as well have put on a red jersey and said he was a week from retirement. But…
He makes a miraculous recovery.
So what they’re all dead now?
Ah, the bullet hit the coin in his pocket, what are the chances of that?
Particularly as he was shot in the back.
And I imagine the Indians will now let him go…
and the fact that their leader is white played no role whatsoever.
‘It doesn’t make any sense.’
Okay, the plot doesn’t matter this is all about the half-naked Indians,
but let’s be honest, this would test patience of even the most dedicated pervert.
It’s about the prospectors
and the Indians just lurk in the background while the prospectors are talking
desperately trying to give the impression they’re in the same film.
'We were ambushed by a strong Amberville, rock, I reckon we were the only 2 to get away.'
The only times they’re onscreen together, the prospectors have their back to the camera.
Not sure they even knew they were making a nudie film.
Look at all the dead grass he is standing on, suddenly vanish.
So you’re left with Treasure of Sierra Madre, and that should work on a low budget
– you’re not going to get Humphrey Bogart but there’s no big sets or anything,
all you need is that tense conflict in the script.
‘Oh shut up.’
Really simple thing; Treasure of Sierra Madre charts the deterioration of a relationship driven by greed.
‘Cos I got a notion that you’re in cahoots with them two.’
These people hate each other from moment one,
not for any reason, just cos.
‘Harsh words’
Even if there wasn’t any gold, these people, out in the wilds alone,
I’d say there’s a decent chance they end up killing each other.
‘Whose side are you on Mrs Potter?’
So it fails on both levels.
Then again, think about that; an Ed Wood film with more than one level.
'Oh that explains everything.'
Thanks for watching. See all our ed Wood reviews here.
There’s no reason Treasure of Sierra Madre shouldn’t work on a low budget,
what other big movies have great low budget plots?
Let us know in the comments below.
'Maybe we should just forget the whole thing.'