[SOUND] Hi listeners, Jenny here.
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>> When it comes to effective
communication confidence is key.
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I'm Matt Abrahams and I teach
Strategic Communication at Stanford
Graduate School of Business.
Welcome to this quick
thinks episode of Think Fast,
Talk Smart The Podcast.
Confident communication boils down
to a simple equation,
confidence equals competence.
The more confident you are the more
competent and credible your
audience will see you as.
Of course,
you can take this to an extreme and
I am certainly not suggesting that
we all be overconfident or arrogant
when we interact with others.
Believe me, I work and
teach in Silicon Valley and
I spend a lot of time talking about
confidence versus arrogance.
Now, the biggest barrier to
confident communication is anxiety.
Most people, upwards of
75% of people feel anxious in high
stakes communication situations be
it written or spoken, in-person or
virtual with large audiences or
small, synchronous or asynchronous.
I think I covered all the bases
there.
Today with the help of clips from
experts from previous Think Fast,
Talk Smart episodes,
I hope to provide you with several
communication anxiety management
techniques to help you feel more
comfortable and
confident when you communicate.
As a guide to help us learn these
techniques, we'll be talking about
the ABCs of anxiety management that
stands for effective, behavioral,
and cognitive.
Effective symptoms relate to how we
feel and respond when stressed or
under pressure to perform well.
Many of us feel intensely negative
when we find ourselves in
high-stakes communication
situations.
We often feel that once these
negative feelings starts we can't
do much to stop them.
It feels like a like a train has
left the station yet
there are a few things we can do.
For example, we can use techniques
that come from the study of
mindfulness, that encourage us to
acknowledge unhelpful or negative
feelings that arise and remind
ourselves that feeling anxious and
speaking is completely normal.
In fact,
it is unnormal not to feel nervous.
Also, these negative feelings do
not define us.
As Professor Christian Wheeler
shares in episode 18 when he talks
about his
class on spontaneous management.
>> A lot of people feel anxious
even giving a planned scripted
presentation in front of others and
how much worse is that when you're
dealing with circumstances that
you can't completely control.
Such as a question and answer
session that goes differently than
you anticipated or just being asked
to make spontaneous
remarks about something.
Sometimes when we get in these
situations where we can get
a little anxious and then we get
anxious about being anxious.
>> Yeah. >> We feel bad about being
anxious and
that's where the problem starts.
There's nothing wrong
with being uncomfortable.
The problem is with your discomfort
at being uncomfortable.
And so, we work on exercises
teaching people to be in that
situation and to respond in that
situation with a sense of calm they
can acknowledge that they feel a
little bit anxious but they're not
going to dwell on it and they're
going to trust their minds to
bubble up the necessary responses
that they have in that moment.
>> By becoming aware of your
feelings and how they impact you,
you create a sense of agency which
provides you with the ability
to reframe your negative
thoughts in a more positive way.
Another effective technique comes
from Stanford lecturer and award
winning author Kelly McGonigal,
who in episode 69 shares how she
sees her anxiety as a signal.
>> What I have come to value about
anxiety is it's a sign that I care.
So, for example, when I start to
feel anxious now, I will say to
myself my heart is in it.
The purpose of any really
interesting communication should be
for the other person to have
interesting thoughts in
their own head about your work.
It's not to convince them that
your work is right or important or
that you know everything about it.
They are having their own
interesting spontaneous thoughts
and questions,
that's the measure of success.
>> Beyond effective
experiences of anxiety that we can
address through acknowledging and
reframing our fear and reminding
ourselves that it is normal and
natural we need also to address
behavioral symptoms and sources.
Behavioral experiences, as the name
suggests, relate to behaviors such
as rapid heart rate, sweating,
stuttering, and so many more.
One tried-and-true method to
address behavioral anxiety issues
is deep breathing.
Andrew Huberman,
host of the Huberman Lab podcast in
episode 66, shared his thoughts on
controlling our autonomic nervous
system and breathing.
>> There are direct control points
through which we can control
the autonomic nervous system
meaning that we can
dial down the level of alertness or
increase the level of calmness.
When you are stressed,
you are breathing less deeply,
the most common advice is to take
a deep breath.
>> Right. >> It turns out that's
exactly the wrong advice.
>> No! >> Exhale emphasize
breathing leads to much more rapid
activation of the calming arm
of the nervous system.
And it turns out you don't just
want to exhale, you want to do
a double inhale so inhale through
the nose and then before you exhale
sneak in a little bit more air and
then do a long exhale and you
do this just one to three times.
>> Breathing in this manner slows
down your heart rate,
slows down your speaking rate and
can help you feel calmer.
Here are a few other quick tips to
reduce some of the behavioral
symptoms many of us experience.
When we get shaky,
that's adrenaline trying to move us
from threat to safety.
Use big broad gestures or
step towards your audience if
you're in person that movement will
help the shakiness abate.
Some of us, like myself,
sweat when we get nervous.
That's your core body temperature
going up, your blood is pumping
faster, your vessels are tightening
this causes your blood pressure to
go up it's like you're exercising.
By cooling ourselves down,
we can reduce the blushing and
sweating.
A great way to do this is simply to
hold a cold bottle of water or
glass of water in your hands this
reduces your core body temperature.
We've all done this in reverse on
a cold morning if we've held a warm
cup of coffee or
tea and felt it warming us up.
Some of us get dry mouth,
a great way to reverse that is to
suck a lozenge, chew some gum or
drink some warm water right before
you speak.
Finally, GSB Professor Jeffrey
Pfeffer, in episode 34 reminds us
that it is important to do physical
warmups to calm ourselves down.
>> Well, I think, when I have built
English and Suzy were co founders
and of the San Francisco Playhouse
come and teach by session
on acting with power.
They give the students fabulous
advice which I will pass on on
their behalf to your listeners and
that is to warm up.
So they talk about getting your
voice warmed up, getting
your body warmed up obviously
[INAUDIBLE] Matt, you're going to
go play football before and
particularly given our ages.
But even before you went on
the football field, you would
probably do some stretches and
some exercises to warm up.
And the same advice holds for
speech and communication you want
to warm up so that when you enter
the moment you are as relaxed and
as ready to go as you can.
>> The many people I teach and
coach find these behavioral hacks
super helpful.
Beyond effective and behavioral,
the third category that we need to
address is cognitive.
Cognitive symptoms affect our
brain's ability to function
smoothly.
We become flustered or
forgetting what we intended to say.
Additionally, we fall victim to all
of the bad things we
say to ourselves, something
academics call negative self-talk.
We can do several things to help
avoid these issues.
Here is advice from Stanford
professor Alia Crum in episode 40,
followed immediately by guidance
from Harvard Business
School Professor Alison Wood Brooks
in episode 73.
>> Most people have the mindset
that stressful situations
are inherently debilitating.
They're going to ultimately make us
sick, make us struggle,
make us crumble under pressure.
When you look at the truth about
the stress which is like most
thing very complicated, you realize
that is a simplified assumption.
It's not necessarily wrong but it's
only one way of viewing stress.
And you start to realize
that the true nature of stress
is more complex.
And in fact, there's a whole other
side of stress that reveals to
us that the body's stress response,
the mind's stress response was not
designed to be debilitating but
instead designed to help us elevate
our performance and behavior to
meet the demands we're facing.
There's a whole side of stress that
shows that it can have enhancing
qualities on our
cognitive functioning,
our physical health and on how we
behave and interact with others.
And so,
our work is not necessarily to find
out the truth of stress what is or
what isn't but to look at how our
mindsets the core assumptions we
make about it shape how we respond
in stressful situations.
And what we've shown is that if we
can get people to open their minds,
to this notion that stress can
be enhancing,
that stress can help you rise to
a newer level of understanding, can
deepen your connection with others,
can make us even physiologically
grow tougher and stronger.
Having that focus Shifts
are attention and behaviors in ways
that make that mindset more true.
So we tried a very simple coping
strategy, a very simple
intervention and the question was
can people reframe their anxious
feelings as excitement?
And it's a really simple idea but
the reason that it works is because
when we feel anxious we have this
crazy instinct that we should try
and calm down,
like really powerful.
Everybody feels like they should
calm down when they're anxious and
that's hard.
That would require that we mitigate
the physiological signs of anxiety
so you're racing heart,
sweaty palms,
faked cortisol in your body you're
trying to like push those down.
As well as move from the negative
valence, right, like a negative
emotion like anxiety and move into
the positive zone of calmness.
And that two-step move, reducing
the physiological signals and
moving from negative to positive,
it's pretty much impossible.
It's very, very hard especially
the physiological component of it.
So, instead,
what reframing as acceptance does
is it allows you to stay in that
high arousal zone you're not trying
to combat your automatic
physiological processes but instead
you're just doing this mental
reframe from negative to positive.
>> Both Alia and Alison point to
how our mindset affects how we feel
about our anxiety.
By changing our mindset,
what we focus on we can feel less
nervous and perhaps even excited.
Further we can refocus our negative
self talk by adopting positive
affirmations like I have value to
add and I've got this.
These mantras,
redirect our thoughts and
help us to be more positive in how
we approach our speaking.
With this understanding of
effective behavioral and
cognitive techniques, now we
need to put these into action and
create what I call an anxiety
management plan or AMP.
For decades now I've encouraged my
students and people I coach to
create a personalized anxiety
management plan that they can
leverage whenever they're put
on the spot to speak.
Having a plan handy helps
you manage both the symptoms and
sources that make
anxiety challenging.
An AMP serves as a recipe you
can follow to calm yourself down so
you can communicate at your best.
I hear from students from years ago
who share how they are all still
using their amps to help them.
In fact, just the other week I
heard from a student who leveraged
his plan to help him deliver what
he called a killer toast for
his brother's wedding.
I have found that the best anxiety
management plans consist of three
to five techniques that you think
will help you feel more comfortable
and confident in your high
stakes communication.
Try to pick examples from each
of the effective behavioral and
cognitive categories to
make sure you cover all the bases.
I still get nervous in certain
situations.
In fact, I was recently in
Australia presenting in front of
many distinguished Stanford
alumni and I freaked out a bit.
Luckily, I used
my anxiety management plan to
calm myself down.
My plan consists of three steps.
From an effective point of view, I
reminded myself that it's normal to
be anxious in these situations and
it reminded me that I really
care about what I'm saying.
From a behavioral perspective, I
held a cold bottle of water to help
reduce my sweating and blushing.
And then finally,
from a cognitive perspective,
I said to myself,
I have value to bring.
This plan helped me to
feel more comfortable and
to deliver a good communication.
Once you have a plan,
you next need to test it out.
Your plan is really a set of
hypotheses some may turn out to be
helpful and others less so.
Simply iterate and adjust until you
find what works for you.
We are profoundly curious about
what your anxiety management plans
might sound like.
Do us a favor, create your anxiety
management plan and then send it
to us at thinkfast@stanford.edu.
We'll collect listeners anxiety
management plans and share some of
the best practices we learn.
The bottom line is this,
there are many things we can do
to help ourselves feel more
comfortable, calm and
confident when we communicate.
This helps us do better and
it helps our audience to focus
more clearly on what we're
saying without being distracted
by our anxiety signals.
I encourage all of you to create
your own anxiety management
plans based on the ABCs of anxiety
management and I look forward to
hearing about your success.
>> You've been listening to Think
Fast, Talk Smart, The Podcast,
a production of Stanford Graduate
School of Business.
This episode was produced by H Ash,
Jenny Luna, and me, Matt Abrahams.
Our music
was provided by Floyd Wonder.
For more information and episodes,
find us on YouTube or
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And please make sure to subscribe
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