There's no one trying to
calculate whose worth more.
No one is trying to quantify
who loves who more.
This is a very unhealthy thing.
(Music)
Hey, what's up everybody,
this is Stephan Speaks aka
well, Stephan Labossiere
aka Stephan Speaks
back with another video,
dating and relationship advice,
here to talk about it,
here to shed light on a new topic.
Before we get into that topic,
as always, share this video, like this video,
and subscribe to the channel, all right.
So, what we're talking about today
is this whole idea,
this mindset being pushed on many people
that you are the prize.
Now, if you notice I did not specify
woman or man
because what I have found now is
it's being pushed on both sides.
There are people who are telling women,
you are the prize,
remember you are the prize.
And now, there are men
telling men the same thing.
That they are the prize.
The man is the prize.
And so, here is a thing,
I understand
where both sides are coming from.
I understand why
both parties need to view themselves as such
to a certain extent.
So, they're both partially right.
However, they're also both
partially wrong.
Here's the thing,
you are not the prize.
You are a prize
man or woman
you are a prize, all right.
Your partner is a prize too.
The problem with this
you are the prize mindset is one,
it immediately sets you on a higher pedestal
than the other individual, all right.
It looks to give yourself more value
than your partner, all right.
This is a very unhealthy mindset to have
if the goal is to have
successful, healthy relationships.
Now, you know I always stress that,
healthy, successful relationships.
because if you just want a relationship
then this doesn't matter, all right.
You can do all the toxic stuff you want.
It don't matter if you just want a relationship.
But if you want a successful,
happy, healthy,
a relationship that's going to be long standing,
then this mindset is very problematic.
Because again, as I said,
you are setting yourself on a higher pedestal
than your partner.
And it devalues
and diminishes their value in the relationship.
Now listen, let's make it clear.
If you were to survey
loving happy couples
and you ask them individually,
are you the prize?
They would not say I'm the prize.
They look at each other as the prize.
They look at each other as the blessing.
Both recognize the value in each other
and there's no one trying to
calculate who's worth more.
No one's trying to quantify who loves who more.
This is a very unhealthy thing.
So, first, let me start with the women.
Again, I understand
why women are being told
to view themselves as the prize.
But again, it is problematic.
One, let's be clear here.
I know a lot of you all are going to scream at me,
but he who finds a wife,
he who finds a damn wife
listen, I get it,
I have heard it a million times.
That scripture is not saying
that you are above the man.
It is not saying that you are a blessing
but he is not, all right.
And it's not even saying
that the man is supposed to go out
searching, chasing,
focusing all his energy on finding a wife.
To find can also mean to come upon.
Meaning if I'm walking down the street
and I happen to trip over a rock
and I look down I see a $20 bill,
I found $20.
I didn't go searching for $20.
I didn't go chasing after $20.
But I still found $20.
And that $20 was still a blessing,
it was still a good thing.
So, it's the same thing here.
Yes, the man who finds you
finds his wife,
finds a good thing, absolutely.
But don't misconstrue that.
And don't turn that into
oh, but that means you are the prize.
The other problem with the woman
viewing herself as the prize
and this... Well, you know what,
I will put a pause in that.
Let me go to the men real quick.
So, for the men, I know some of you are thinking
well, listen,
they ain't got many great men in this world.
I dispute that,
but I know what some of you all are thinking
that you are of
a high subset of men.
And because of that,
because you have certain qualities that
a lot of women are looking for,
you want to now view yourself
as the prize.
But again, this is a problem.
I want you to believe in yourself,
I want you to have high self-esteem.
I want the men and women again,
to view themselves as blessings, as prizes.
But when you set yourself apart in a way
that diminishes your partner, your woman,
this is going to be a problem.
And now, what can happen to both parties
subconsciously and sometimes even consciously,
is that you will now pick people
who are beneath you
or who you at least view
as being of lesser value than you.
Because in order to validate
the I'm the prize mindset,
I can't entertain someone who's of greater value.
Because no matter how much I tell myself that,
we're going to come across people or
we may come across someone
that yeah, may have it
even more together than we do.
That may have it even more going on than we do.
That may have even more options
as far as the amount of people
who are coming at them
and want to be with them than we do.
But guess what, if you want to
hold on to, I'm the prize,
I'm the prize, I'm the prize,
you won't allow yourself to be with them.
And if that person
is actually who you should be with,
if that person is someone that you can have
an amazing relationship with,
how do you reconcile your
I'm the prize mindset
and still embrace being with them?
Chances are you won't.
You will run from that,
you will sabotage that.
You will find some kind of way or try to,
to bring them down a few notches.
So, you will essentially pour negative energy
or you will throw backhanded insults
or you will be even jealous of your partner
because you are fighting so hard
to bring them down to a level
so you can feel more valuable again.
This is unhealthy.
You should be able to celebrate their value
as just as
they should be able to celebrate your value.
We shouldn't even be looking at each other as
this one's greater, this one's less, no.
Because in a relationship,
we need each other.
In a relationship both the man
and the woman is valuable.
We may not be equal in what we do.
We may not be equal in what we're
bringing to the table,
but together we form a whole unit.
Together we are Voltron,
we become this big
unstoppable force.
But if you're in this mental battle of
I'm greater, I'm the prize,
that's not going to work.
So, I would encourage you men and women
to again,
rather than say I am the prize,
I am a prize,
just as I pray to receive the person
who is also a prize
and we can be a blessing to each other.
I would encourage you also to...
Yes, have high self-esteem,
work on your confidence,
I've said it in a previous video,
know your value
and then work on increasing your value.
Keep striving to be your best you.
But your mindset never has to be
that I am better than this individual
or that I am of the greater value
in this dynamic.
Now, again, let me also make another point.
I know that the other reason why
men and women are told
the I am the prize mentality
is because some individuals sometimes
lose themselves and they become insecure.
And so, in order to I guess
shield themselves from that,
they want you to hold yourself in this
higher regard.
So, you don't step outside of certain boundaries.
But again, you don't have to
view them as less than you,
you don't have to view yourself as better than them
in order to maintain that.
You can still maintain your confidence and self.
You can still have,
you can still be embracing your self-worth
at a level that says,
I'm not going to tolerate someone mistreating me,
I'm not going to allow someone to think I have to now
chase after them
or make this a one sided relationship.
This is still...
This still has to be a mutual beneficial relationship
where we're both putting forth the effort
and pouring into each other
and loving each other.
You don't have to go into the
I am the prize mindset
to achieve that.
So again, I understand
why this is being told to people,
I understand why some of you guys
have embraced it for so long.
But I really need you to consider the fact
that it is a very problematic,
unhealthy mindset to have
in the long run.
And if you're trying to set yourself up
for great, amazing,
healthy relationships,
change your mindset.
And as always,
if you're feeling some kind of way about this,
if this is rubbing you the wrong way,
take a moment to process it.
Let it marinate,
pray about it, talk to God about it, all right.
Sometimes, these thing is going to hit you hard at first
and you're not ready to receive this message.
But through prayer, through processing,
through taking some time,
you can then get to a place where you understand
what I'm trying to convey to you here.
And I truly believe this will be helpful to you
and this will be for the best of your future.
So, again,
I hope you find this video helpful,
be sure to like it, share it,
subscribe to this channel,
and I'll see you in the next video.
(Music)