Separation anxiety can be a really tough thing.
It can really throw a spanner in the works.
So what age does this usually happen?
What can we do during this time?
And how can we foster some really good sleep habits,
even though our Little Ones are going through
this tricky developmental stage.
Today, I'm answering your sleep question.
My 10 month old is crying like never before at nap times.
And they're also really, really clingy during the day.
Why is this happening?
Hi, my name's Josephine.
I'm a sleep expert at Little Ones,
and I'm a mother to two beautiful little girls.
I've been a certified sleep consultant
for over three years now.
At Little Ones,
we've helped over 200,000 families worldwide
achieve some really great sleep.
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You always have a village of people supporting you
and being there for you.
In our Little Ones app,
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day or night, and we will answer it in depth with you.
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Say, let me paint you a little picture.
It's nap time, you've read some stories to your little one.
You've checked their nappy.
You've given them some good cuddles and kisses,
and then you've gone to place them in their cot
for sleep time.
But all of a sudden,
they've got a frantic look on their face
and they're not so happy about you placing them down
and walking out of the room.
If this is happening to you, then it sounds to me
like some separation anxiety is going on.
So what is separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety can hit our babies
at a few different ages,
but the common peak in separation anxiety usually happens
around 8 to 10 months old.
At this age, they're more aware of their surroundings.
You may notice that they're more clingy at this age.
They may not be so content
when someone that they're not so familiar with
picks them up.
They may realize, hang on.
You're not my mom. You're not my dad.
So they might not be so happy about this.
So they're basically telling one person from another.
Also at this 8 to 10 month age bracket,
they also have a really good grasp of their routine too.
They're knowing, "Hang on,
once we do story time, once we change our nappy,
once we give some cuddles and we pop our sleeping bag on,
that means nap time's coming."
So these steps, these routines become familiar to them,
and then they can start sort of expecting
what's coming next.
Or they have a good little memory about what's coming next.
So you may notice that before nap times
or before daycare drop-off,
you're noticing that they are getting a lot more clingier,
or they they're anticipating on what's coming next.
I remember this quite clearly with my own little girls.
I remember the first time I had placed my little one down
on her play mat and I just went off to wash the dishes
or something, and she was not happy at all.
It was kind of like, "Mum, where are you going?
Why have you left me?"
And she honestly didn't want me to leave her side.
So, in my experience,
I found it really helpful to play peek-a-boo.
It sounds quite silly, but it really, really helped.
She sort of loved the game.
She loved me jumping back in and saying peekaboo
and this way she sort of learnt that mum leaves,
but then she comes back a short time later.
So you can always try this for your little one
and see how well they respond
and see if this helps this separation anxiety,
because you're teaching your little one
that I may leave for a short period of time,
but I always come back.
Yeah, I've been there during this tricky time,
it can be easy to hit that panic button
and to rush in a bit quicker
and to bring in some new sleep associations,
just because we don't want them over tired.
We don't want them upset
and we don't want them missing a nap.
So I can hear you asking what can I do during this time
to help foster some good habits,
but also be there for my little one during this tough time?
In our Little Ones program, we have a really,
really gentle method.
It's called the parental presence method.
So with this approach,
we can still stay in the room with our little one.
We can still be there during every step of the way,
but we can also give them that opportunity
to still self-settle.
So this can be really,
really helpful for babies and parents that have going
through the separation anxiety.
This way, our baby remains calm and we remain calm
and we can work back towards being able to pop them down
happily and being able to walk out of the room again.
So if you're interested in knowing more about this method,
please check out our program.
And if you're having a bit of a tough time
with getting back on track with things,
you can always chat to us day or night in our sleep village,
and we can alter the method
or we can take a gradual approach
and we can take baby steps
towards achieving some really, really good sleep habits.
Now as a sleep consultant,
if I do hear that a 10 month old is fighting their nap,
the first question that's going to pop into my head
is going to be what type of naps are they having?
Because even for a 10 month old,
under or over tired is still something
that we take into consideration.
So we do look at their structure of their day.
We check out, hang on, is that morning nap too long,
or is the awake times too short
or is there something that we can do to make sure
that they're perfectly tired enough
when we do place them down in their cot?
Because if they're not tired enough,
they'll let you know about it.
They will basically say, "No,
I need more awake time or no I'm so over tired."
We commonly get asked,
my 10 month old is fighting that morning nap.
Is that a sign that we drop it
and no, it's most likely
just this separation anxiety period
that we're talking about here.
That's likely why they're not happy about you
popping them down in the cot for their morning nap.
It's not usually a sign that we drop it.
Many babies still need that morning nap
until they're 12 months, sometimes even beyond.
So I wouldn't rush that morning nap away.
I would still keep consistent in offering that nap each day.
You can even take some pressure off and do that first nap
of the day in the car or the pram or the carrier,
just until you get your feet back on the floor again.
So in summary at 10 months old,
nap wise we do still want two naps.
We want a nice short morning that and a nice long midday nap
because one nap at this age
might mean that your little one's overtired
and that's why they're fighting sleep.
So we still want two naps at this age.
I really hope that you enjoyed this video.
Separation anxiety, as tough as it can be,
it's actually a positive thing.
It's all very normal and a healthy part of development,
it's just a sign that your little one has created
a very, very strong bond with you.
This will pass.
You've got this.
I'll catch you again next time.
Bye for now.