Nicole says she's still in a complete state of shock
after learning her husband has been having an affair,
apparently for a long time,
off and on, he says.
And even though he says he's been intimate with another man,
he says he's not gay, he's not in love with that person,
he doesn't wanna be with that person.
And that's really not what this is about,
at least from my point of view.
My point of view is the relationship dynamic
between the two.
Earlier this morning,
I asked Carter to sit down
with my colleague and very good friend,
coach Mike Bayer.
(audience applauds)
And I consider him the best at helping people
maximize their true potential
and get outta these patterns.
Here's what happened when he sat down with Carter.
Are you confused at all about your sexuality?
I think I am, yes.
I don't believe I'm gay.
I just wasn't getting the sexual relationship
from my wife that I had.
Why do you think you ended up
with a man?
I just didn't wanna deal with a woman
at the time,
in case I got her pregnant,
in case I didn't call her back.
I just wanted to get my sexual release
and just move on.
What is it about a man that you enjoy?
It was,
I don't know how to explain it.
I knew he was there.
I basically would go in.
But you have no insight as to what about him
turned you on?
No.
At the time, I was single, lonely.
I was drinkin' a lot.
I was probably depressed.
I was probably, I don't know.
Then I met my wife, Nicole,
and there was nothing for years.
And then whatever triggered my mind again,
lonely, depressed, I don't know.
And then I was looking for
a man to get that release again,
just because I was afraid I might get caught easier
if I found a woman.
Do you think it's wrong to be gay?
No, I don't.
Could you be in a relationship with a man
if you were single?
No.
I like women.
(laughs) I don't know.
I just don't think I could.
It seems to me that you're here because
you wanna make sure that your marriage stay intact.
Yes.
That's what I would like.
And so anything you say,
you may be scared that it could jeopardize that.
Yeah, but I don't,
I mean I've said everything,
I've tried to explain everything,
and I don't know how to explain it
all right now.
Well, I think the missing link
is you're not able to communicate why you're turned on
by another man.
Right, and that's what I'm trying to figure out
in my own mind
and it's not easy.
Coach Mike, what was your takeaway?
It felt like I was putting together a puzzle
and then every time I started to get a piece
on the other one, it morphed as soon as we got to something
where I felt like okay, this makes sense.
So it felt like we were kinda grabbin' smoke
and your default is to say I don't know
or I'm confused.
And I think you're just really scared to get
honest about things.
And I said I've got a pivotal question for you,
so I want you to take a breath here
and really listen to what I'm asking you here
because I think this is a real threshold moment for you.
You have to make a decision
to really come fully transparently clean
with this woman about everything.
Your reflexive answer is I am, I'm tellin' everything.
No, you're not.
It's gonna hurt a lot worse
if you don't
just bottom line it and to be doin' around it.
I know.
You're telling me you've been involved with man 18 years
and don't know anything about him,
don't know his name, don't know anything about him.
Right, I don't.
That is irresponsible.
If that's true, I would rather you be a liar.
I wanted to know who this person was
and it didn't take very long to find out
'cause I had a private investigator
confirm the phone number.
You says the fling ended 18 years ago,
which is 2001,
because the man left the area.
Well, actually, he did leave the area
because he went to jail in 2001.
(audience murmurs)
And he's been in jail seven of the last 14 years.
The man was released from prison
about four years ago.
You reconnected about four years ago.
That him?
Yes.