- Hey guys!, so over the New Year period you'll have seen
people obsessed with those things on stories which are like,
"What Pokemon are you?"
"What Disney are you?"
"What toilet cleaner are you?"
And they were fun for about a day, I had fun with them
but there was one that was a bit different which was
"Never Have I--
(mumbling) (computer dial up tone)
Why's that so hard to say?
"Never Have I Ever."
Which I did.
I admitted to some stuff and a lot of the comments
were that I should do more.
It reminded me of being at parties when I was 14
and everyone just pretending they'd done stuff
when they hadn't.
Yeah, I totally smoked nine weeds while making out
with a supermodel and skipping class naked.
I went scouting for a website.
I found one.
Normally this I like a drinking, eating, forfeit game
but I'm just gonna answer the questions and let you know.
We can get to know each other more.
And if you've got any fun answers to any of these questions
you can leave them in the comments below.
Categories on the website: Dirty, Clean, Adult, Funny,
Dare, Good, Work, School, Teenagers, Kids,
Icebreaker, Drinking Game.
Let's see how dirty we, oh (buzzer) oh, (laughs).
Wow, that, that is beyond demonetization
and, and no comment.
Let's go to funny.
Never have I ever put my thumb in it.
Put my thumb in what?
Do I wanna know?
Probably don't wanna know.
Tasted breast milk.
No, I haven't tasted breast milk.
Wait, lies, I was a baby, I had boob milk then,
but not in my adult life.
Tried to discreetly pick a wedgie in public.
We're being honest, I get wedgies quite a lot.
I don't know if it's more than the average human,
I don't think anyone's done a study on this but it must be
either my pants or the boxers I buy but for some reason
they wanna go up that crack (laughs) so I don't wanna be
the guy that's putting his hands down his pants
like on the Underground or something.
I don't wanna look like some kind of pervy,
self-butt fondler so I'll go to a place where it's less
public to fondle, why am I saying fondle?
You know, remove the wedgie.
I have done it though.
Everyone's done it.
And if you haven't, you lied.
Had a sugar daddy.
No (laughs).
I could do that whole "Drag Race" quote right now
but I'm not gonna do it.
Eaten bugs.
Yeah, and a lot of you probably witnessed it.
- Three, two, one, go.
(dramatic music)
- I've already crossed the line (laughs) but if I had
to make a new line I would draw the line at live bugs
'cause I wouldn't wanna feel them crawling on my tongue.
Dyed my bath water.
Does that mean peed the bath?
I don't pee the bath.
That's not something I do.
Probably when I was a kid though.
I mean when you were like six you will have peed the bath.
Peed in a bottle.
I mean, I think there's been occasional road trips
when I was a kid.
And you know when you're a kid that goes from zero to 100,
why are all these about pee?
Goes from zero to 100 and you're like, "I need to pee."
"I'm peeing, it's happening."
So those times my parents have been like, "Oh shh,"
and thrown a Fanta bottle at me or something.
In my adult life I mean I've peed in the woods
but not in a bottle.
'Cause where would I keep it and like, I've got a souvenir.
Kissed someone married.
That's a dodgy one to admit to if you're playing
this in a group.
Okay, here's the thing, I just remembered this
when I got the question, that's so funny.
Let's set the scene.
I'm at university, I'm in a bar.
It's two in the morning.
I need to pee.
I should just call this video "Pee."
I need to pee really bad.
I don't like going to pee in bars it's awkward, I hate it.
There always full, people talk to you.
Anyway, it got to the klaxon, severe overflow is about
to happen and the toilet was up some stairs
and I was about to mosey on up there when a drunk
I'd say 40 to 50 year old woman, with a bridal veil,
blocked my path with her arm and went,
"All right mate, I'm getting married but my husband
"has given me five minutes to kiss as many lads as I can
"and you're gonna be first."
So, lots of thoughts going through my head.
I'm gay.
She's twice my age.
I need to pee.
I thought the fastest way to resolve this situation
is just to give here a little kiss.
So I just gave her a peck on the lips.
It wasn't a full tongue session.
It was (laughs), I didn't think I'd be saying
tongue session today, it was literally just
a (lips smacking) which was fine.
But I just realized the question was married.
She was about to be married but she wasn't married.
So no, I'm a good person.
Locked somebody in a room.
This just reminded me of "You" on Netflix.
Have you seen that?
He locks people in giant glass boxes.
It's so stupid but I can't stop watching it.
Tired watching TV upside down.
I don't think I have tried that.
Is that (laughs) is that exciting?
Maybe you should watch this YouTube video upside down.
Let me know, it's a revelation.
Been chased by a cat.
Do cats chase people?
I've been jump scared by cats having a fight
but a cat has never chased me.
That sounds like some kind of demon cat.
Broken something expensive because I was angry.
I am not much of an angry person believe it or not.
I can bottle thing ups and I can hold a grudge
but genuine like "Incredible Hulk" there was one time
at university I got very angry, probably one of the most
angry I've got, and me and my housemates had kind
of a prank war where we'd be pranking each other
but one always took it too far.
He printed about 100 copies of this horrendous photo of me
and I don't even know why he had that photo.
Anyway, underneath, you're gonna laugh but it was not funny
at the time, he wrote something like,
"Feeling sexy, hit me up for some pancake lovin'."
Which doesn't even mean anything and then here's
the kicker I wouldn't have got so made but he put my
actual phone number on it and posted these all over campus.
And I was getting phone calls from these
random creepy voices.
Obviously just people that had seen it
and wanted to prank the number.
Because my number was on there I could just not
see the funny side so I don't think I started smashing
things but I went into a very serious, like you never
see me serious, I was just like,
"Go and take them all down now.
"Take them all down now or I'm never speaking to you again."
So that was the end of the prank war and I was the person
that got slightly offended.
But, I just didn't want creepy people whispering, "Pancake,"
into my ear.
Because that literally happened.
Have you ever killed someone?
Imagine if you were playing this and someone was like,
"Yes, I have, I guess I'll have to drink now."
Never have I ever pranked my parents.
I think there was some April Fools prankage.
One time, I don't know why I thought this would be
a good prank, I told my mum there was a man in the shed
and I'd seen him go in there so she started
to call the police.
Oh this is bringing back so many memories.
And I was like, "No, it's a joke."
And she was like, "What?"
And I was like, "There's no man in the shed."
I pranked my mum on the radio as well.
I said there was badgers in the house or something, right?
Wait, let me find the clip.
I've come down this morning and there's a badger.
It's in the bathroom I don't know what to do.
(mum laughing)
- [Mum] You need to call the RSPCA
that's what you need to do.
- I love how she, just straight there with the advice.
"Call the RSPCA."
Do they bite?
- [Mum] Yeah, they bite.
- Really?
- [Mum] The fact it's got a baby makes it even worse.
What you could, are you in your pajamas or something?
- Yeah.
Why is the fact that I'm in my pajamas relevant
to if there's a badger in the house?
It's like, "Are you in your pajamas?"
"Yeah, now you've got the scene."
Yeah, I think what, I'm gonna hide and then call the RSPCA.
(badger grunting)
- [Mum] Yeah, oh God, it's making a noise.
- Never have I not cleaned my teeth for 48 hours.
No gross, what's wrong with you, you scruffian.
Even if I forget my toothbrush I'll do a finger clean.
Have you ever done that?
Just put some toothpaste on your finger and, you know,
finger your mouth.
No, okay, well it works better than nothing.
Dyed my hair the wrong color.
I will leave this as the example for that
and say nothing else.
There's some death screams happening outside so I'm assuming
it's foxes mating.
Can you stop having sex outside my window Mr. Fox.
(screaming)
That is genuinely terrifying.
Been kicked out of a bar.
I was in a bar at university and it had a big boat
behind the bar and it looked really cool and we all thought
it'd be a great idea to go get a picture with the boat
and go behind the bar to do it and we didn't think the bar
person would mind but they did mind and I got manhandled
by a bouncer out the door.
Moral of the story, if there's a cool boat
and if it's behind the bar just stay on your side
of the bar Phil, you fool.
Have you ever hacked into someone's computer?
No, I've never had a reason to want to hack someone
because I'm not living in a spy movie.
But a lot of people do have the password password.
So if you are using the password password at the moment
I'm gonna hack you tonight because you're asking for it.
Used an emoji while texting.
Who wrote this an alien?
Imagine never ever having, what.
Ridden a motorcycle.
I've never been on a motorcycle.
They scare me slightly.
I feel like I'd just fall off the back.
I don't know why.
You gotta hold on but I don't trust myself to remember
I'm holding on so I think I'd just go yeet
and then fall off it.
So I think I'm gonna pass on that.
Oh my God there's an add for this salsa bowl randomly.
I love how my phone's like, "Yes, you want salsa right now."
And it's literally making my mouth water while I'm playing
this, just wanted to keep you in the loop with me.
Never have I ever doubted my heterosexuality.
They're just assuming that the people reading this
are heterosexual, er.
Never have I ever been robbed.
No, I've been tricked out of money.
Some guy was like, "I crashed my car and my wife's pregnant
"at home and I need to get back and I can't get a taxi."
And I gave him 20 quid and then a girl rode her bike
next to me and was like,
"Did you just give that guy some money?
"I gave him money yesterday.
"Did he tell you he's crashed his car?"
So either it was a very clumsy guy that crashed his car
a lot or he was a conman which I think he was, so,
that was my bad for being too trusting and too nice.
Tasted a toe.
Now that is a very cannibally way of saying it,
tasted a toe.
What, no I've not tasted a toe.
I think that's a good amount of never have I evers.
That was fun.
I got to tell you some stories.
I got to talk about pee a lot.
If you enjoyed it please give me a thumbs up.
I'm also still doing live shows on You now.
I'll be doing a couple of giveaways this year so if you
click the link below you'll be automatically entered
into all of my giveaways even if your not online
at the time.
So that is worth doing.
I hope you're having a good day
and I will see you very soon.
Good bye.
- [Instructor] Do the mountains with this knife.
- Okay, wait, wait, wait.
I'll just press harder.
Wait, how, I look away for a second and his is like
a full photograph of a mountain.
I'm so, this is CGI.
I don't understand.
Wait, shut up.
Not Bob, me.
- [Instructor] Lot of experience with a knife.
Once you learn how to do the mountains--
- I'm gonna have experience with a knife,
I'm gonna stab myself if I don't do this right, okay.
I need some more definitive lines.
(internet dial up tone)