This is, err, no sorry - I can't.
Shall we go?
So Joe... The 10th best player in the world: PSG's Uruguayan, Edinson Cavani.
Fantastic cheekbones!
That's all I've got to say on Edinson Cavani.
I don't know how he's made our top 10.
Whenever I watch him, I feel he is a little bit limited.
I feel like he's always put down a little bit because he does play in Ligue 1
where the league is pretty much PSG and 19 other teams.
Whenever you're ranking a player in terms of where he sits in the world's best players,
you have to put it in the context of the competitions he is playing in.
Yes, he scores a lot of goals, but he's playing in Ligue 1.
He's a beautiful man and as a chap who rocks the longer hairstyle, they look up to Cavani.
Of course I do.
And if Neymar doesn't like him, that's a good enough reason for me not to.
At number nine, Sergio Aguero.
One thing I miss about Sergio Aguero is that you don't these days,
see him referred to as Diego Maradona's son-in-law because they spilt up a few years ago.
That was all everybody knew about him for a longtime.
And Pep [Guardiola] has got him running now this season
which lots of people were worried he wouldn't be able to do.
What I really like about Aguero is that when he's in positions in the 18-yard-box, he gets his shots off
very, very early. You know when you get a striker who gets his shot off and the keeper stands still?
Robbie Fowler used to do it, because he would gets his shots off so quickly.
Defoe is very similar.
But Aguero, yeah, two feet, quick, so cool when he's one-on-one.
Huge, huge fan.
You speak to players and they don't say he's the best player out there, but he's one of the best finishers
they'll ever see and that's really important.
So number eight is Pierre Emerick-Aubameyang.
First of all, points to me for getting his name correct.
He outscored Lewandowski in the Bundesliga last year, he's had an interesting year
because he's been twice suspended by his own club for basically being a bit of a shit.
I have rarely seen anybody able to run as fast with a football at his feet as Aubameyang.
It is incredible.
I'm a bit of a Garth Crooks kind of guy.
If your haircut - you've got to be good enough to warrant that level of haircut
and again, he's banging them in the Bundesliga.
I like that he parties. That is quite an endearing quality to have.
But I don't know if I rate him in the top echelons of player in the world.
I'm surprised that a club from England haven't come in for him because clearly Dortmund have
been ready to listen to offers and it's just a case of matching a bid really.
I've got to say: the fact that Eden Hazard isn't in the top 10 is weird.
Yeah - Joe Brewin, what is going on there?
N'Golo Kante. N'Golo Kante.
I shall say it twice.
Why will you say this twice?!
Because it's like having two midfielders.
He's in that role where you only notice the difference he makes when he's not in the team.
When we didn't have him for those few games, we completely fell apart.
He's actually great in possession too.
He's a really good passer and distributer of the ball.
Probably a lot better going forward than people give him credit for.
Absolutely, he's not just a defensive midfielder.
The way he gets forward and helps in attack is really, really impressive.
He's a hark back to the good old days of players that didn't court so much social media or fame.
So, number six: Luka Modric. A pillar of consistency.
What I would like to say about Luka Modric is that he's proof that you can
be a brilliant player and a successful player and a brilliant successful Real Madrid player
without having an ego the size of a family car.
His distribution is... second to none.
Picking a pass, timing of the pass, weight of the pass... Ooo.
Just perfect.
It's cheeky.
It's cheeky like a Nando's.
I won't endorse Nando's on camera.
He's got a brilliant temperament.
In big games he will get his foot on the ball.
There are very, very few players like him and Real Madrid have two with him and Toni Kroos.
Just a wonderful, wonderful player.
Kevin De Bruyne. Or as to use Jonathan Pearce's pronunciation: "Kevin de Bruynya."
It's sounds like a Baltic holiday destination.
Where have you been? I've been skiing in "De Bruynya."
What I love about De Bruyne is how many fascists he has to his game.
Normally with top players, you can pick one, two, three things that they do really well.
He can pass, he can shoot, he has got a great workrate.
He's quick, he's got fantastic vision.
There's very few things that you look at him, as an attacking midfielder and think, 'You can't do.'
He's almost the complete player.
He's never in a spot where he doesn't know how to deal with it.
Again, he is a player who has become central to a successful team that will potentially go on to win the
Premier League most likely and it'll be good to see what he does against big players in the latter stages of the
Champions League when he's playing against other big teams. Will other teams come up with plan to stop him?
Number four, the one that I disagree with the most but...
I mean this is the point where you just want to rip the list up.
Consistency of his goal output means he has to be high up that list.
How is Robert Lewandowski the fourth best player in the world?
Stats can prove anything. You can prove anything with facts.
46.45% of statistics are made up.
You just have to reach for numbers with Lewandowski.
In the last few seasons going backwards, he has scored as we speak:
20 in 22, 43 in 47, 42 in 51,
25 in 49 - that was a terrible first season for Bayern where he only scored 25 in 49.
What was he doing?
And for Dortmund he got 28 in 48, 36 in 49, 30 in 47.
In six and a half seasons, he's scored 224 goals in 293 games. For Bayern he's scored a 113 in 169.
I didn't think we would see the likes of Gerd Muller again but we have.
And if anything, as much as I love Gerd Muller,
Lewandowski is a more complete player. He's got more in his locker.
Lewandowski can actually play football.
Yeah!
It's a terrible habit to have that, just standing in front of goal knocking it in every five minutes.
Number three. He was always going to be number three
and I don't think anyone could argue that he could be higher or lower. Neymar.
First of all, he's Brazilian. Loves to party.
This guy is 25, he's already one of the best players in the world and he is coming into his peak years.
In terms of value, he is the most valuable player in the world.
He does stuff in positions in the pitch which you know an English manager would be like,
'What are you doing!?'
'Get rid of it!'
He's the sort of player I like - when he has completely humiliated someone,
almost looks over his shoulder and sees the guy is coming for him again because he's totally mugged
him off and he's like, 'I'll just put it through your legs and and humiliate you again' and then that player is
completely dejected and jogs off, looks sheepish and doesn't want to go near Neymar again.
In one-on-one situations,
even including Messi and Ronaldo, in one-on-one situations I don't think there is anyone better.
He just drifts past people like they're not there.
Second best player in the world.
Drum roll please...
... And at the point where every single Real Madrid fan stops this video and walks away.
Interesting to wonder how much of a blow it would be for him to find out he's only number two in this list.
He would be distraught.
If only he knew who FourFourTwo were.
But what has Messi done this year?
Ben, Ben, Ben...
Messi has played so good this year that he's won a Spanish Cup.
Had he not endured such a terrible start to the season - terrible by his standards
and in the Champions League he has been monstrous.
It's more to do with Lionel Messi being so good.
But let's just focus on Ronaldo for a second.
He's still a freakish player.
32 years old, has adapted his game so well over the years and he's proof
that hard works gets you places.
It will be interesting to see what happens post Christmas whether he can have that Ronaldo surge
that he almost seems to have taken with him since Fergie's days at United.
That kind of late season surge when he's showing his best form.
I like him because he's a character.
He says things, he's completely arrogant, a complete narcissist.
But I kind of find that endearing because in a game where you don't have any characters
and they don't say anything, at least he sparks a conversation.
Number one.
Messi.
Lionel Messi.
This year, he wins La Liga and the Champions League; Messi doesn't win anything apart from a Spanish Cup
and he still comes first!
So in 2017, Lionel Messi in European football:
Most goals, most assists, most chances created, most dribbles, most through balls,
most key passes, most man of the matches.
What about tackles and blocks and interceptions?
You're a big fan of those.
As great as MSN was, as unbelievable as watching those three players play together,
it was very much capital Msn.
You can put Messi with any two players in the world.
I guess the one cross against his name is at international level with Argentina.
He probably hasn't had the same success and probably isn't adored in his homeland as a
lot of other players in this top 10 list.
He has an opportunity to change that at the next World Cup.
Do you know what actually, can you zoom in on that?
Messi isn't actually first.
There isn't a number next to Messi.
You can't put a number next to greatness.