Today, Trump's rage moved
from his Twitter feed to real life,
where, during a press conference with the leader of Finland,
he did not react well
to the barrage of impeachment questions.
His son walks out with millions of dollars.
The kid knows nothing.
You know it, and so do we.
-Go ahead. Ask a question. -The question, sir,
was what did you want President Zelensky to do
about Pre-- Vice President Biden and his son Hunter?
Are you talking to me?
Yeah, it was just a follow-up of what I just asked you, sir.
Listen, listen, are you ready?
We have the president of Finland. Ask him a question.
I have one for him. I just wanted to follow up
-on the one that I asked you, which was... -Did you hear me?
-Did you hear me? Ask him a question. -Yes, sir.
-I-I will, but... -I've given you a long answer.
-Ask this gentleman a question. Don't be rude. -(laughing)
No, sir, I don't want to be rude.
I just wanted you to have a chance to answer the question.
Ask the president of Finland a question.
Wow.
Trump was really pissed off there.
One minute, he was a president. The next second,
he turned into a spray-tanned Samuel L. Jackson.
"Ask the president of Finland a question!
"I double-dare you, mother(bleep)!
-"Ask him a question! -(cheering and applause)
Ask him a question!"
You know what-- you know what would have been amazing?
Is if the Finnish president got a question
but then threw Trump under the bus.
He's like, "Actually, I would be interested to hear
your answer on the Joe Biden s..."
"You screwed me again, Finnish guy!"
Now, please, don't get me wrong.
I don't want you to think that Trump didn't want
to answer questions at this press conference.
No. He only wanted to answer the questions that he liked.
Okay, what's your second question?
Well, you shouldn't be ans-- asking two questions.
-Well, uh, you're gonna want to answer... -Do me a favor.
-Ask-ask one of the Finnish pre... -I will, but I think
-you'll want-- I think you'll want to ask-- -John. John.
-answer this question, sir. -John, ask one
-of the Finnish president. -Then can I come back to you?
-Because I think you'll want to answer this. -We'll talk later.
Sure. Uh-- Well, it sounds like it might be a good question.
Let me see if I like the question. Go ahead.
-There... -Maybe, for the first time in three years,
I'll have a good question and I'll love it.
There is a report that came out
just before you and President Niinistö walked out here
that the whistleblower met with a staff member
of Adam Schiff prior
-to the complaint being filed. -Oh, I love that question.
It shows that Schiff is a fraud.
-And I... -I love that question.
Thank you, John.
"Thank you, John."
That has to be one of the quickest emotional U-turns
I've ever seen. All right? Because, one minute,
he wanted nothing to do with that journalist's question.
The next minute, it was Trump's favorite question
in the entire world.
Like, Trump treated that journalist
the way people treat waiters, you know, who keep offering
the same hors d'oeuvres over and over again.
People are like, "I told you! I don't want
"the goddamn crab cakes! I don't want the--
"Oh, is that with a deviled egg? Oh, yeah, I like-- Oh.
(chuckles) Mmm, mmm, mmm. Thank you, John."
(chuckles) So,
the past few weeks clearly haven't been Trump's favorite.
Impeachment is consuming his life.
His poll numbers are dipping again.
And, on top of all of that,
the failing New York Times has reported this.
Breaking news tonight, an exclusive report
in The New York Times documenting the lengths
to which sources say President Trump was prepared to go
to stop migrants crossing the southern border.
REPORTER: He wanted the wall electrified,
with spikes on top that could pierce human flesh.
REPORTER 2: The New York Times reports that, privately,
the president had often talked about fortifying a border wall
with a water-filled trench
stocked with snakes or alligators.
-(laughter) -That's right.
The New York Times is reporting
that President Trump wanted to build a moat
along the border wall
which was gonna be filled with snakes and alligators.
Which I know sounds crazy,
but, to be fair, it's been very effective
at keeping him out of Melania's bedroom.
That's probably where he got the idea.
I mean, it's either that, or it's because
his top immigration advisor's an actual reptile.
"Great idea, Mr. President.
My cousins could use the work."
(applause and cheering)
Now... according to the report,
according to the report, Trump wasn't just coming up
with World of Warcraft upgrades to his wall.
No, he was also lashing out at his aides when he felt
that they weren't making progress on securing the border.
WOMAN: In late March, President Trump publicly threatened
to close the U.S.-Mexico border.
But according to the Times' reporters, in a March meeting,
the president's advertisers tried to turn him away
from such a drastic move.
He responded, "You are making me look like an idiot,"
and shouted, "I ran on this. It's my issue."
The president reportedly berating
then Homeland Security secretary Kirstjen Nielsen, saying,
"Lou Dobbs hates you, Ann Coulter hates you.
You're making me look bad."
Wow. That is so sad.
Imagine caring that much
about what Lou Dobbs and Ann Coulter think of you.
I mean, that's one step away from being like,
"You better not embarrass me in front of the Mucinex booger.
I swear to God."
(laughter)
"Ask him a question."
(laughter)
Now, the part of the Times report
that's really blowing up is
that Trump apparently suggested shooting migrants in the leg
to slow them down as they were trying to cross the border,
which is not just a crazy idea.
It's also illegal.
And apparently, Trump had a lot of illegal ideas.
In fact, my favorite example is when he told a room
of border patrol agents to just turn away every asylum seeker
who showed up at the border.
And then-- get this-- as soon as Trump left the room,
the head of border patrol told everyone else
to ignore the president.
Yeah. That's wild.
Just like, "Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh."
(laughter)
You realize the only organization
where the top guy gets ignored like that is McDonald's, right?
Yeah, no, because Ronald is always like,
"Remember, our top priority is making people smile." (whoops)
And then, he leaves, and the manager's like,
"Forget that shit. We're here to move beef, you hear me?
"Now go kick the soft-serve machine
and make sure it still doesn't work."
(laughter)
Now some of you might be hearing these reports
and thinking, "Oh, I'm sure
"the president didn't really mean all of this stuff.
Maybe he was just joking about the alligators and snakes."
But it doesn't seem like that.
Like, the moat filled with snakes and alligators--
apparently, it was real enough
that his aides actually went out
to seek a cost estimate.
Yeah, they actually got a quote for the moat.
Which also sounds like the name
of the most xenophobic Dr. Seuss book ever.
(laughter)
I mean, can you just imagine being the Trump aide
who had to call around to figure out how much it would cost
to fill a border moat with snakes and alligators?
Well, luckily, you don't have to imagine,
because here at The Daily Show,
we have the exclusive audio of that call.