D'you know what I've never ever done?
I've never done two Masterpiece reviews in a row!
You lucky people - it's Masterpiece Grimlock!
So I picked this guy up the other day from Toys R Us for an unreasonably reasonable £69.99
which is a steal of a deal for a high-end collectible of this monstrositude
but it was still a big enough expense that I kinda had to talk myself into it.
'Cos it is a lot, but it was down from a hundred
and if I don't get it now I'll never see it again
and it IS my birthday, and it's something I've wanted for
...oh my God, five years?
Sold!
Now, this is the second Hasbro release of the old T-Rexecutioner,
presumably to cash in on his newfound Hollywood cred,
and it came in this extravagantly massive cardboard cuboid!
I kinda love this!
I'd say it was roughly as classy as the Takara ones,
but while those ones are more "luxury",
this one's more "design!"
Bold colours!
Huge fonts!
Unnecessary kanji!
And like - MP-03?
Since when? Have we started again?
You can't just -
Guys!
Meanwhile, in the universe where I talk about things that matter,
this is it, boys and babes. I've got a Masterpiece Grimlock!
So, this guy's considerably girthy ass originally came
after the initial flurry of towering Masterpiece monoliths
but before the much-needed reboot kicked in,
from the stretch of time that I like to call the
period.
But he totally kinda works with both sets!
Like, he's impressive enough to stand alongside the older boys,
while he looms appropriately over the new breeds like a Dinobot oughta
...bot.
'Cos he's Grimlock! And Grimlock's huge!
This thing's totally bringin' the ruckus with the unmistakable colours,
the monstrous shape and the silhouette like a giant boulder of badass majesty!
I guess we'll begin, then, with the bodacious po-facious Grimnog
which, in true MP style, is pure perfection!
Check it out, like a nebulous black and grey mass of super-serious frowny face!
You gotta be doin' all right if you're managin' to scowl without a mouth.
Awesome shiny eye-visor in there,
and if you can manage the stupidly stiff handle stickin' out the back there like an Action Man,
you can totally colour-switch it up between brutality and neutrality.
He's even packin' a bonus kinging hat for doing kinging things
and coordinating fabulously with the colossal solid gold nugget bod.
Breastplate window there, jammed with little gleamy gizmos for added bosom bling!
I'm super stoked that they kept the back kibble.
I mean, I'm sure they could've figured out a way to do the toy without it,
but it's so iconic at this point that it's not even kibble anymore!
It's just Grimlock's back.
And I'm double super glad it's there, 'cos my G1 guy fell over a little while ago and snapped his off.
But I don't think anyone'll be too mad that the shin-mounted half-tails have been assimilated into
these hefty but wonderfully streamlined moon boots
with like, mildly posable toes and seismically clicky knees
zazzed up marginally by these fun little lollipop windows
and presided over by the pitch black thighs and the sexy red briefs!
Arms are like planetoids, with these cosmic Tyranno shoulders and the ballsiest ball joints of all time!
Cheeky bicep swivel, double elbows,
and the legendary golden chromey steak knife bracelets!
Unusually for a Masterman, he's got mismatched hands.
This one's rockin' the standard grippety fingers,
complete with old-school ball-jointed thumb
and a little nook-wart there to steady the gear up a bit,
while this one's fused in a permanent fist!
Not just 'cos Grimlock's a premium puncher,
but you can also fire up the LED in there to activate the fight piping!
Yes indeed, Grimbo's packin' this epic blazin' blade which lights up pretty fierce
along with this killer twin cannon which doesn't really.
Still good!
All things considered then, they've done an amazin' job, lads.
Amazin'!
Grimlock's robo mobo is the most sublime representation of the Dinoboss
that's ever gonna happen!
It looks great, it plays awesome, it feels mighty
and it weighs a friggin' ton!
He's the motherlode of mean.
And also he's a dinosaur!
[NASTY CREEPING METAL RIFF]
Transformation's really all it needs to be.
It's only a tiny bit more complex than the original!
It's just an opulently oversized nostalgia bomb
and it's refreshingly bish-bash-bosh for a Masterpiece!
The fists can be quite uncooperative comin' out so maybe keep a pen lid handy?
Ooh no!
And yes indeed, check out this big old lunk of a robo dino!
Have you ever seen anything more simultaneously badass and adorable?
It takes you back to the joyful naïveté of a world where
Tyrannosaurs were upright, bottom-heavy bruisers
before they were ruined by Jurassic Park,
and feathers, and facts.
Gimme a big old lump like this any day!
'Cos he's not Slimlock, or Proper-and-Primlock -
he's goddamn Grimlock! And he looks like this!
So yes indeed, the dino mode's fully faithful to the oridge,
so he retains his twin stompy toes, the see-through robo neck,
the mountainously tall torso,
chromey little tail and the golden pimp nappy.
Arms are much longer and lither than before,
and they're sporting a bonus digit, even!
Totally love the head with the toon-accurate long-ass snout,
and the fierce, shiny gnashers with a cheeky flamethrower in there?
The dino mode even carries over the eye-change thing,
with a cheeky cranium flip and just a wheel with some eyes on it.
Poses pretty great, with the massive shoulder ball joints pullin' double duty as the hips.
I dunno if he can hold that many poses, 'cos he's rather peculiarly weighted!
Couple of unexpected flairs -
he's got the little Diaclone chair thing in there, which was already redundant by friggin' 1985!
I'm seriously impressed they put that in, 'cos there's no reason for it
other than to please nerds like me!
He's also got this weird ass-wiggle head-flail gimmick
which looks hilarious, but it doesn't seem to work that well.
But like, an action gimmick? That's pretty weird for an MP!
But then, everything about this guy is weird for an MP.
'Cos we're used to the big old real-world trucks
and executive-appeasingly realistic officially licensed vehicle modes
so the fact they've now gotta share a shelf with a giant goofy robot dinosaur just makes me so happy!
So yeah! Masterpiece Grimlock just gives you that feeling like,
this is it, man.
This is the dream.
'Cos its unmistakably a high-end thing -
irresistably huge, gorgeously detailed, and wonderfully executed -
but it still knows that it's a toy, and it just luxuriates in its action-figureness!
But it still feels important, y'know?
Like, now I've got this thing, my collection's a little bit closer to being what I need it to be.
'Cos this is it, man. This is what it's all about.
Hail to the king, baby!