I'm John.
I'm 64 years old.
I joined the United States Army in 1966.
Went in the Service in '67, January.
The shock of being out in the bush, or the jungle all the
time, was a real jolt to all of us.
While I was on leave I fractured my skull and had
spinal fluid draining out, so I left the Service.
I suppose that one of the biggest challenges was dealing
with civilians.
When you're used to dealing with a brotherhood, that was a
bond that you just couldn't create with civilians.
And the country was still torn, radically, by the war.
So it made us really cautious when we re-entered society.
I'd get frustrated if something didn't go right--
just the stupidest things.
It created a sense of anguish and clenching of the teeth,
and not understanding why this is all taking place.
I mean, normally, you would think it wouldn't bother you.
And the nightmares, they started about six months after
I got out, and got progressively worse.
I completed school and went to work.
Became an undercover operative and did some work for the
government.
I actively looked for that avenue where the adrenaline
pump was continuous, and I carried a weapon.
My relationships with people we were superficial at best.
I saw myself on a road of deterioration.
And then finally, I had ruined not just my marriage, but I
had ruined some friendships with people that I liked, all
because of outbursts, or rage, or temper.
It was 1983 when I first drove to the Vet
Center up in North Tampa.
Pulled in the parking lot, sat there for 45 minutes and
couldn't go in.
And so about four months later I went back, because things
were just--
everything was coming apart.
And I went in.
I talked to them.
I told them about my problems.
Told them about the drug problem.
Talked to them about the flashbacks.
I was reluctant.
It was difficult for me to talk about problems.
I think there was an element of embarrassment.
And also the difficulty in exposing what I believed to be
weaknesses.
And I continued to struggle.
I was right back in the hole, contemplating suicide,
struggling with the nightmares.
I went to a PTSD program in 2001.
It's a 90 day program.
I was there for 105 days.
I went through every conceivable type of--
and believe me, it's an excellent program.
If you have too much time on your hands and you find
yourself becoming irritated and angry, because you don't
understand what's going on in your brain, make a
point to get help.
Just start the process.
Be willing to put your pride aside and say, I need help.
I'm not doing well.
Just get out there and get the help you need.
And do something with your life.