The reality is that
when you haven't healed,
you are 99% likely
to choose the wrong person. Now...
(Music)
A break up is a blessing in disguise.
Now, I know that might be
a hard pill for some of you to swallow.
But I really want to present to you
some things that you need to consider
when processing and understanding
why a break up can be
such a necessary and beneficial thing.
It may not be what we wanted
or what you currently want
if you're going through it right now.
But again, it could be
exactly what you needed.
So, I want to give you five reasons why
that break up was a blessing in disguise, all right.
And again, listen with an open mind,
listen with an open heart.
And I have something at the end to tell you,
to kind of help you grasp,
but help you better receive
everything I’m about to lay out for you.
So, number one, number one reason why
a break up can be a blessing in disguise
is because you were never going to live without it.
What I mean by that is
so many people get caught up in relationships
and despite if it's toxic,
despite them being mistreated,
despite them not getting what they need,
they want to try to hold on.
They want to look past the red flags,
they want so hard to try to make it work.
And their desire to make it work,
many will claim it's because
well, they were so in love.
But I always say,
a lot of times it wasn't love
it was an unhealthy attachment, all right.
And you become blinded by that attachment.
And so, the break up occurring,
was something that had to basically
separate you from that individual,
separate you from that situation
because without it
you weren't going to pull that trigger.
And sometimes that's why
very heavy situations occur.
When I say heavy, I didn't want to
use the word tragic,
but I guess situations that are so impactful
that it almost forces you out of the door.
And it's necessary,
it's almost essentially God saving you.
Because sometimes we've got to get
hit upside the head
to finally do what is best.
But essentially, that break up was needed
so that you can finally break free
from the situation you didn't belong in.
Which brings me to point number two.
Point number two why
that break up is a blessing is because
they were never the right person for you.
Again, for so many various reasons
we attach ourselves to the wrong person.
Many of it is due to a lack of healing.
And through a lack of healing,
we have a flawed approach
to selecting a partner.
We have a very damaged approach
to who we will allow into our lives
and who we will try to build a relationship with.
The reality is that
when you haven't healed,
you are 99% likely
to choose the wrong person.
Now, granted some of you may say
well, Stephan, when did you come up with a 99%?
I never did an official study
but I’m telling you as a coach
who has sat down with hundreds of people,
who has read through thousands of emails,
who has helped millions of people.
I have seen the pattern be consistent.
When people have not healed,
they choose the wrong person
and when you understand that
the majority of this world
has experienced some level of trauma,
hurt, disappointment,
and the majority of this world
have not gotten help
and properly healed from those issues.
That means the majority of this world
chooses the wrong person to be with
and so, that break up
is necessary again,
to break you free
from an individual you don't belong with.
The problem is if you don't heal,
you're going to find yourself
back into another situation
with someone you don't belong with again.
So, take it as a blessing
but don't waste the opportunity.
When that break up occurs,
sometimes we get so stuck on dwelling
on the fact that
we've now lost this relationship
or this person is no longer with us.
Not really accepting and realizing
they never belonged with us.
And now, we have an amazing opportunity
to self-reflect,
to heal, and to position ourselves
to receive the person who is best for us.
So, embrace that opportunity.
Number three reason why
that break up was a blessing
is because that person was
hindering your purpose.
You know, I say
there's a lot of people,
women and men right now,
who are not walking in their purpose
because the wrong person in their life
is holding them back.
Now, it's not to simply
blame the other individual
because we have to take responsibility as well.
But the reality is that,
when you get with the wrong person,
they become a huge distraction
because everyone is not meant
to walk the path that we're supposed to walk.
Everyone is not called
and cannot be in alignment
or is not in alignment
with where God wants us to be in life.
And so, when you attach yourself
to the wrong individual,
it throws everything off,
it hinders you.
Even if you believe that you are
moving towards your purpose,
I’m going to tell you that
you are severely hindered.
You've been severely slowed down
and your progress is not going to be
at the level it should be at
because of your connection
and your involvement with the wrong individual.
So, again, the break up occurring
is a blessing because now,
it can free you up to walk with God
in proper alignment with your purpose.
So, as with the other examples I gave,
with the other points I've made,
you’ve got to embrace that opportunity.
You can't waste it,
you can't dwell on the negativity
of the loss of the relationship.
That loss was your gain,
it's something to celebrate,
it's something to be happy about.
And I know that's easier said than done
because when we're so emotionally invested,
we don't always see it that way.
But it was necessary, it is best,
move forward with a positive mindset.
Number four reason why
that break up was a blessing is because
had you stayed longer in that relationship,
more damage would be done.
Again, even if you believe
that you were dealing with the right person
because not every break up
involves two individuals
who were not best for each other
or who should not have been together.
But it may have involved two individuals
where the timing was not right,
where it was the right person wrong time.
So, even in that case,
the break up is a blessing
because again,
you need to get some things in order.
You need to get some things straight
and had you remained in that relationship, all right.
If you're with the right person
at the wrong time,
that means that
more damage is going to occur.
And of course, if you're with the wrong person,
more damage is going to occur.
The quicker you can get out, the better.
If they are the right person,
there will be an opportunity
for you guys to make it work
if you focus on what needs to be done.
If they're the wrong person,
well, again, thank God
they're out of the way.
But one way or another,
you would have stayed there,
you would have found more damage.
And you can see the examples
in life around you.
You've seen people in relationships
7 years, 10 years, 20 years,
with the wrong person.
Like, it doesn't get better
by simply holding on to an individual
who's not best for you.
Holding on to someone
who's not trying to work with you.
Or holding on to someone
when you are still carrying baggage
from your childhood,
from previous relationships
and you have not learned how to handle that.
And what happens is
when we are in the relationship,
we become blinded by the fact that
we have companionship.
That we have someone here to distract us
and it doesn't allow us to face ourselves.
And so, now you don't even realize
you're becoming more and more toxic
not just in that relationship,
but for future relationships
if you don't heal and break the cycle.
So, the break up was necessary,
it was a blessing.
And again, you have to embrace it.
Number five reason why
the break up was a blessing or is a blessing
is because you were
putting that person above God.
So, here's the thing
and listen, I say this with no judgment
because the reality is that
it has happened
to so many of us, all right.
Where we become so consumed
and so into an individual
that we don't even realize
we have essentially put them above God.
We put more into the relationship with them
than we do with God.
We worry more about their opinion
and their perspective than we do from God.
And so, this is a problem,
this is a huge problem especially,
if you're going to God saying,
I want what you have for me,
I want the best that you have for me.
Well, God is saying okay, well, listen,
I will give you the best,
but I must come first.
And so, we needed a wake-up call,
we needed to step back
and that break up was to say
hey, you can't do it like this anymore.
You've got to make sure that
in that next relationship
whether it's a new person
or reconciling with that old person
that you have now
put the proper structure in place.
Where God will always be first
and they will come second to that.
Granted they are of high priority
if you're going to be
married to them one day and all these things.
But God must still come first
and you want to make sure
you take a self-assessment of
are you prioritizing them over God?
Have you lost track?
And again, it happens
to the best of us, all right.
But you've got to be mindful of it
because that's a very dangerous road
and that isn't what God wants in your life
and that isn't what's going to
bless your relationship.
So, that break up was necessary
to get things back into proper order.
So, like I said in the beginning,
I wanted you to listen to the very end because listen,
I want you to understand that
as I mentioned earlier,
every break up is not meaning
things can't work out with someone.
Many people
again, are with the wrong person
and the break up needs to happen
and there needs to be no reconciling.
But there are situations where
right person wrong time.
And it's just a matter of
growth needs to occur on both sides,
because we have this bad habit
of always saying well,
they weren't ready,
they needed to grow.
Listen, if it wasn't working out at that time,
then trust and believe
there's some things you need to grow with as well.
You need to evaluate yourself
because we get so caught up
in evaluating and analyzing
the other person's behavior,
we become blind to our own.
We don't realize how we may have
negatively poured into that relationship.
We don't realize how we may have
made things harder on them
and ourselves in that relationship.
We have to hold ourselves accountable
for how we can make things better
in any situation
and that's not just for the sake of our growth,
but again, that's for the sake of your success.
Whether that be reconciling with them
and renewing that relationship
or if you are meant to move on
to something bigger and better,
well, I want you to be ready for that.
And so, you have to learn
from your past relationships.
Too many people end up in these break ups
and learn nothing from their relationships.
What they take from it
are negative perceptions,
I can't trust men,
I can't trust women,
this that, all the other, whatever,
all these negative things,
that's not learning anything.
You're weighing yourself down with negativity
and things are going to
bring walls up in your life
and block you from your blessings.
We should always be able to
look back and say okay, you know what.
What could I have done better?
It doesn't mean the whole situation was your fault.
It's not to make you feel like
you're being blamed for anything,
but it's essentially to help you
become stronger, wiser, and better
so that you can have success going forward.
But again, the break up is a blessing, embrace it.
But if you're hurting, get the pain out,
get the cry out.
And make sure you heal,
make sure you address all those deeper issues.
Again, whenever I bring up healing,
I have to mention I have the book
Love After Heartbreak.
Get it, follow the steps,
it gives you the exact steps
I've given my clients for healing.
It will change your life
and it will ensure that
you can move forward
in a more positive, loving manner
and you can receive all that God has for you.
So, embrace the healing process,
embrace the blessing of the break up,
and embrace all that you need to do
in your life to achieve better.
I hope you found this video helpful
and I will see you in the next one.
(Music)