Transcriber: Eunice Tan Reviewer: Rhonda Jacobs
I don't know about you,
but when our family got the stay-at-home order in March of 2020,
I came out of the gates pretty darn hot.
"Embrace not being so busy," I wrote.
"Take this time at home to get into a new happiness habit."
That seems hilarious to me now.
My pre-coronavirus routines fell apart hard and fast.
Some days, I would realize at dinner time
that not only had I not showered or gotten dressed that day,
but I hadn't even brushed my teeth.
Now, you are a smart, accomplished, TED Talk-watching individual,
so coping with this global pandemic might have been easier for you
than it has been for me.
Even though I have coached people for a very long time
in an effective, science-based method of habit formation,
I struggled.
Truth be told,
for the first few months of the pandemic,
I more or less refused to follow my own best advice.
This is because I love to set ambitious goals.
Getting into a good little habit is just so much less exciting to me
than embracing a big, juicy, audacious goal.
Take exercise, for example.
When the coronavirus hit,
I optimistically embraced the idea
that I could get back into running outside.
I picked a half-marathon to train for
and spent a week or so meticulously devising a very detailed training plan.
But then I actually only stuck to my ambitious training schedule
for a few weeks.
All that planning and preparation
led only to a spectacular failure to exercise.
I skipped my training runs despite feeling like
the importance of exercise and the good health that it brings
has never been more bracingly clear,
despite knowing that exercise would cut my risk of heart disease, for example,
in half,
despite knowing that exercise
radically reduces the probability that we'll get cancer and diabetes,
and that it's at least as effective as prescription medication
when it comes to reducing depression and anxiety.
I also knew that exercise really improves our memory and our learning
and that it makes our brain so much more efficient and powerful.
So why in the world would I skip exercise despite knowing all of this?
The truth is that our ability to follow through on our best intentions,
to get into a new habit, like exercise,
or to change our behavior in any way, really,
doesn't actually depend on the reasons we might do it
or on the depth of our convictions that we should do so.
It doesn't depend on our understanding of the benefits of our particular behavior
or even on the strength of our willpower.
[Or our willpower.]
It depends on our willingness to be bad at our desired behavior.
And I hate being bad at stuff -
I am a "go big or go home" kind of a gal.
I like being good at things,
and I quit exercising because I wasn't willing to be bad at it.
Here's why we need to be willing to be bad:
Being good requires that our effort and our motivation
be in proportion to each other.
The harder something is for us to do,
the more motivation we need to do that thing.
And you might have noticed,
but motivation isn't something that we can always muster on command.
Whether we like it or not, motivation comes, and motivation goes.
When motivation wanes, plenty of research shows
that we human beings tend to follow the law of the least effort,
meaning we just do the easiest thing.
New behaviors tend to require a lot of effort
because change is really hard.
So change can require a lot of motivation, which we just can't count on having.
This is why we often don't do the things that we really do intend to do.
To establish an exercise routine,
I needed to let myself be kind of half-assed about it.
I needed to stop trying to be an actual athlete.
I started exercising again by running for only one minute at a time.
Every morning after I brush my teeth,
I change out of my pajamas and walk out the door,
my only goal to run for one full minute.
These days usually I actually do run for 15 or 20 minutes.
But on the days that I'm totally lacking in motivation
or I just feel like I have no time,
I still do that one minute.
And this minimal effort always turns out to be way better than if I did nothing.
Maybe you relate.
Maybe you've also failed
in one of your attempts to change yourself for the better.
Perhaps you want to use less plastic
or meditate more or be a better anti-racist.
Maybe you want to write a book or eat more leafy greens.
I have great news for you:
You can do and be those things starting right now.
The only requirement is that you stop trying to be so good.
You'll need to abandon your grand plans at least temporarily.
You'll need to consider doing something so minuscule
that it would be better than not doing anything at all.
So right now, ask yourself:
How can you strip that thing that you have been meaning to do
into something so easy, you could do it every day with barely a thought?
It might be eating one piece of lettuce on your sandwich at lunch
or going for a one-minute walk outside.
Don't worry, you'll get to do more.
This "better than nothing" behavior is not your ultimate goal.
But for now, what could you do that is ridiculously easy,
that you can do even when nothing is going as planned?
Even though you ultimately might want to do more and be more,
remember that we humans
are often too tired and too stressed and too distracted
to do the things that we really do intend to do
and to be the people that we most intend to be.
On those days, our wildly [unambitious] behaviors really are better than nothing.
A one-minute meditation is relaxing and restful.
A single leaf of romaine lettuce
happens to have a half a gram of fiber and loads of nutrients.
A one-minute walk gets us outside and moving around,
which our bodies really need.
So try doing one "better than nothing" behavior.
See how it goes.
The goal, remember, is repetition, not high achievement.
So let yourself be mediocre at whatever you're trying to do,
but be mediocre every day.
Take only one step, but take that step every day.
If your "better than nothing" habit
doesn't actually seem better than doing nothing,
consider that you're getting started at something
and that initiating a behavior is often the hardest part.
By getting started,
we're establishing the neural pathway in our brain for a new habit,
which makes it much more likely
that we'll succeed with something more ambitious down the line.
Why is this?
Well, it's because once we hardwire a habit into our brains,
we can do it without thinking
and therefore without needing much willpower or effort.
A "better than nothing" habit
turns out to be incredibly easy to repeat again and again
until it's on autopilot.
This is because we can do it even if we aren't motivated,
even if we're tired, even if we have no time whatsoever.
And once we start acting on autopilot,
that's the golden moment that our habit can begin to expand organically.
After only a few days of running for just one minute,
I started feeling a real desire to keep on running -
not because I felt like I should be exercising more
or because I felt like I needed to impress my neighbors or something,
but because it felt more natural to keep running than it felt to stop.
Now, I of all people know that it can be incredibly tempting,
especially for the overachievers among us - you know who you are -
to encourage ourselves to do more
than our designated "better than nothing" habit.
So I must warn you:
The moment in which you are no longer willing to do something unambitious
is the moment in which you are risking everything.
It's the moment you end up checking your phone
instead of whatever it is that you intended to do.
It's the moment in which you stay on the couch,
binge-watching TikTok videos or Netflix.
The moment you think you "should" do more
is the moment you introduce difficulty and force and negotiation with yourself.
It's the moment you eliminate the possibility
that it will be easy and even enjoyable.
So that's also the moment that will require a lot more motivation.
And if the motivation isn't there,
failure will be.
Fortunately, the whole idea behind the "better than nothing" habit
is that it doesn't depend on motivation, which we may or may not muster.
It's not reliant on having a lot of energy.
You do not have to be good at this;
you need only to be willing to do something that is wildly unambitious,
to do something that is just a smidge better than nothing.
Only if there is no resistance or effort will it work for us to allow ourselves
to do more than whatever it is that we've decided is better than nothing.
But again, don't do more if you feel any form of resistance.
I'm happy to report that after months of struggle,
I am now a runner.
I became one simply by allowing myself to be bad at it.
You definitely could not call me an athlete -
there are no half-marathons in my future.
But I am consistent.
To paraphrase the Dalai Lama,
the goal is not to be better than other people,
but rather to be better than our previous selves.
And that I definitely am.
It turns out that to grow as people,
we need only do something that is so miniscule,
that is better than doing nothing at all.
When we abandon our grand plans and great ambitions
in favor of taking that first step,
we shift.
And paradoxically,
it's only in that tiny shift
that our grand plans and great ambitions are truly born.
Thank you.