- Oh my god, I'm so grumpy all the time.
Everything pisses me off.
I'm just a walking piece of human.
The new iPhone update.
For some reason, now,
I turn off Bluetooth connectivity
and then I'll go to my room and watch porn.
And then suddenly, out of nowhere,
my Bluetooth will just reconnect.
And porn's playing out
to the rest of the people who are currently staying
in my apartment.
I didn't ask for it.
I didn't turn it on.
It just automatically connected-
and automatically connecting to WiFi.
Piss off!
I want my 4G, WiFi shit.
Don't automatically connect.
I've turned you off.
You're with a friend and you're walking on like,
a sidewalk, right?
It's a small sidewalk.
It fits two people.
But you're walking next to each other, right?
You see someone coming toward you.
So you think, oh, I'm just gonna slow down
and stand behind my friend
so that the other person can walk past me.
So you go do that.
Oh, I'm just gonna slow then.
And then the friend next to you also slows down
because I wanna walk next to you.
And I'm like, oh, no.
And then I'm slowing down, trying to get behind the friend.
And they just, for some reason, they can't tell
that I need to get out of the way
to let the other person walk past me.
And I'm slowing down and they are slowing down.
And all I wanna do is push them on the road
and tell them to fucking move.
When you wanna cross the road and a car
waves you across.
No.
You are a car.
You will drive, I will casually walk when you're finished.
Now, when a car waves me across, I have to act like
I'm in a rush so I have to run across the road.
I don't want to run.
I just want you, the car driver, to drive past me
and then I can just walk slowly across the road
because I can't give a fuck about life.
When you go to a restaurant and you sit down
and the table is so small.
You've got cups and wine and cutlery
and then when they bring out your dinner,
you can't fit any of it on the actual table.
I mean, if you order a starter and get two mains,
where the fuck do they put it?
And then you're like eating like this
and then there's no room
and then the people sitting next to you are too close
and the table is too small.
Humidity in general.
I hate the humidity.
It's humid right now.
I've just had a shower.
It feels like I haven't dried myself off.
It's gross.
Going to the beach and dealing with sand.
Sand is the most uncomfortable annoying thing.
You're like, catch a wave, and then suddenly
your pants are full of sand.
And then when you get in the car, you get home.
There's still like sand everywhere.
And then you go to bed.
And sand everywhere.
I hate sand.
I'm just thirsty and it's hot.
And I ask for some water.
First of all, the cafe brings it out
in a glass they just cleaned that's so hot.
Then they pour room temperature water into the glass
and the water heats up.
So I'm drinking warm water.
I don't want-
I want ice cold water in a cold glass.
When I do the laundry and I forget that
I've done the laundry and so
this wet washing sitting in there for days
waiting to be hung out to dry.
But I forget.
And then when I remember, I put it and it smells
so I have to rewash it and then I forget about it again.
Moths.
Why was the moth even invented?
And they're just so erratic and you don't know
where they're gonna fly.
And that's why they're so scary because they just look like
they're having a great time over on that light.
But then out of nowhere they just fly into you
and that weird dust that kills you gets on you.
Ugh, I got some keys cut.
And then I went to use them in a lock and they don't work
like it's not a smooth action.
You've gotta like, jiggle it a bit and pull
the key out slightly for the key to work.
No, no.
I paid for the key to open the door easily.
It is 2018.
Why don't we have locks or fingerprint locks
unanimously everywhere?
Why do we still have stupid keys?
When I actually go to the effort of making my lunch
and then I forget it when I go to work.
So you wanna do a bit of adulting and you wanna buy a house
like as a fantasy and you go online,
but all the houses say like,
contact agent for price.
No.
Put the price on the house or apartment
because I wanna know if it's slightly achievable.
When you order an Uber, right?
And I go out of my way to go to a spot where the Uber driver
can pull off the side of the road and I can get in
without chaos or traffic.
And so I do that and the Uber driver doesn't
pull into the space.
They just sit on the road.
And people are tuning them.
When your private group messaging gets
60 billion notifications.
Ugh.
I'm not even gonna read half of them.
And then some people have one on one conversations
within that group conversation.
When you're boarding a plane and people who have
an aisle seat get on first which means
it just takes longer because then the person sits
on the aisle seat and then the person's got the window seat
so the aisle seat person has to stand up
and move out of the way.
If you have an aisle seat on the plane, get on last.
Oh, when you lose something and so you buy a replacement
and then the day the replacement arrives,
you find the thing that you lost.
Oh, when you accidentally leave your headphones in the
pocket of your pants and so you put them
in the washing machine and I've got a front load.
And then you see the washing and then you just see
your headphones circling in the water and you're like,
they're 50 dollar headphones.
Also, when you accidentally leave a tissue in your pocket
and it ruins the entire wash.
I'll go in and have a shower and I close the shower curtain
but it's accidentally outside of the bath
and so you're having a shower and all the water's
running off onto the floor.
It's not running off into the bath.
And then like the bath mat's soaked
and you have to get a towel and wipe it off.
Dust.
Where does dust come from?
Everything gets covered in dust.
I have to clean,
I don't even touch half of the shit I've got
and it's always covered in dust.
When I eventually wash my quilt cover
and then having to put it on.
Quilt covers are the most frustrating thing
to have to put on.
When you go into like a shopping center
or like a little restaurant or cafe
and there's pigeons inside.
I don't want pigeon lice all over my food.
Get the birds outside.
When you get share plates with someone
and they're a really fussy eater
and they start removing the tasty bits from the food.
I was with a girl, she wanted the cheese removed
from the margarita pizza.
And then, when they brought the chips out
with seasoning on them,
she said, no I don't want the seasoning.
Take it back.
What about my mine?
I like cheese and I like seasoning.
When you have to deal with clients
and they hire you as the expert
yet they don't like any of your ideas.
And all the knowledge of the industry that you have
are not cared for.
They don't listen to it.
So you have to do this stupid shit which files
and then they blame you.
You're hiring me to give you advice
and you're taking none of it and then blaming me
for the fact?
You didn't take any of my advice.
I just don't have the energy to interact with other humans.
I never have the energy to interact with other humans.
I love living here
on my own.
I'm not wearing pants.
I have these dishes in the sink that have been-
and the food in the fridge.
All the fresh food and the perishables
which have perished months ago.
It's still in there.