Narrator: Dr. Ivan Ostril
Narrator: A freak accident alters his body chemistry.
Narrator: Now when Ivan plays a bad game, he transforms into...
Narrator: Locked away by those who hired him,
Ivan continues hoping to find one good enough to reverse his condition.
Ivan: MINIGAMES?!?
Ivan: MOTION CONTROLS?!?
[Shovelwarewolf howls]
[ding dong] Shovelwarewolf: A new game's arrived already?
[Shovelwarewolf has a seizure attack]
Shovelwarewolf: No!
Shovelwarewolf: What is this heinous garbage?
Shovelwarewolf: Does the company think this is a joke?
Shovelwarewolf: I cannot! I will not!
[Shovelwarewolf yells]
Shovelwarewolf: What's-What's happening to me?
Shovelwarewolf: GRRAAAHHH!!!
[bottle breaks]
[Mega Shovelwarewolf howls]
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Bring it on, duck men!
[menu music]
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Yeah, this looks awesome!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: So much fun.
Willie Robertson: I'm talking about having it, the gift, the talent,
Mega Shovelwarewolf: I've got it too now.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: It being a horrible case of diarrhea to listening to these hillbillies yap at each other.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Excuse me for one moment.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: I don't even get to drive?
Mega Shovelwarewolf: I just sit as a passenger and change the camera angle? Top notch game design right there!
You'd think Porky Pig was behind this, given how bitter the framerate stutters.
[rimshot]
Willie: John Luke, let's get in the blind.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Great. I'm in control now.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Control being a loosely defined term here.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Also, who the heck runs like that?
Willie: Today my friend, you'll be learning the sweet sweet art of the duck swoon.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Just what I always wanted to learn!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Teach me this fine art, oh glorious Beethoven of ducks swoons!
[duck calling]
Willie: That's good!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Pressing X three times, what genius game design.
Willie: Why don't you help Jase out and call ducks in for him to shoot.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Apparently Duck Hunt was too much fun.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Instead call in the ducks for the NPC characters to shoot I lent the boy. Why let the player play.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Now that's a game!
Willie: Come on, John Luke, hop in the truck.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Another section of gameplay we don't get to play!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Why do the NPC characters get all the fun?
Willie: I don't like this song, John Luke. You mind changing the station?
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Oh, I get to change the station?
Mega Shovelwarewolf: How freaking kind of you.
Willie: We set up some bottles for you to shoot.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: I get to finally shoot something!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Hey, I'm pretty good at this.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Wait.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: This game auto aims for you!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: The only part so far to potentially require any skill has had the skill requirement removed!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Just press L2, and you'll autolock under your target!
[Mega Shovelwarewolf screams]
Willie: Okay, cadet. It's time for you to learn the important parts of driving.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Hey, I've been through morning the driver finally.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: No one reconciled to the radio station duty.
Willie: John Luke, brake slow down, accelerate speed up.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Really? That's how you drive? And here I thought it was the other way around.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Really? A loading screen in the middle of driving?
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Now I get to combine the crappy duck calling game and the crappy shooting game into one, mega crappy, combination game!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: How diverse!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: What do you know! It's another random critter blasting minigame!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: This time though, we'll bring it home for dinner!
Willie: That's dinner.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Ooh, now that's a $5 footlong. Talk about eating fresh.
[rimshot]
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Now it's beavers.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Why there's like 100 of them in this tiny pond is a DAM mystery!
[rimshot]
[rimshot] {that dog's he's on a roll :D}
Mega Shovelwarewolf: I've seen better fishing mechanics in games where fishing is just a minigame.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Could they make fishing any less fun?
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Speaking of minigames, these are all horrendous!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: How would you like to dig up some crazy guys drug stash,
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Or look at signs with idiotic phrases on them,
Mega Shovelwarewolf: or what about catching frogs?
[weird frog croak]
Mega Shovelwarewolf: What the heck kind of frog sounds like that anyway? That's not right.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: GAAAHHH!!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: This is so obnoxious!!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: More duck calling, more duck shooting, more fishing,
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Every single aspect of this game just gets repeated over and over again!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: You're not even good experts!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: This is just a terrible redneck version of Grand theft Auto filled with these morons!
[fart noise]
Willie: Beckon we got some swamp gas going on here.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Spraining in a boat going at swamp gas!
Korie Robertson: Willie, you just got served.
Willie: Yeah, well, I wish I'd just gotten served some food.
Mega Shovelwarewolf: why did the company serve this trash to me? Am I some sort of experiment to them?
Willie: Wanna go shoot some ducks?
Mega Shovelwarewolf: NO! I don't!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: If I have to play one more piece of shovelware down here, the only thing I want to shoot is myself!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Enough is enough! I've had it with you!
[alarm sounds]
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Let's blow this popsicle stand!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: Come on, John Luke. We gotta escape this joint!
[dart gun fires] Mega Shovelwarewolf: gah!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: What the...
[dart gun fires] Mega Shovelwarewolf: gah!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: I don't feel so good...
[dart gun fires] Mega Shovelwarewolf: gah!
Mega Shovelwarewolf: John Luke, forgive me...
[exhale]
Ivan: No...
Ivan: Oh, that's not good.
[Shovelwarewolf theme]
Nate: Hey guys, thanks for watching. Hope you liked the show.
Nate: If you missed any episodes, There's a few over here on the side you can check out.
AJ: And be sure you subscribe too, because you never know what the Shovelwarewolf will do next!
Nate: Shovelwarewolf Salute!
AJ & Nate: BOOOOO!!!!
Nate: Sweaty in those hands. It's really sweaty in those hands.
AJ: My voice dampened those hands.