Trump promised to get Republicans
and Democrats into a room. And guess what?
Yesterday, that's exactly what he did.
Assembling over a dozen Congressional leaders
to negotiate immigration.
Now, what made this meeting special
was that Trump invited cameras into the room.
Which was mind blowing, because, finally,
we'd get to see the president take charge.
So go on, Mr. President,
tell these fools your position.
My positions are going to be
what the people in this room come up with.
I am very much reliant on the people in this room.
If they come to me with things that I'm not in love with,
I'm gonna do it, because I respect them.
(laughter)
I love that he's acting like a tough, in-control leader,
while at the same time telling everyone
he will do anything they want. He's like,
"Let's get this straight, asshole, I'm your bitch."
(laughter)
"You will walk all over me."
(cheering and applause)
"And if you got a problem with that, I apologize."
(laughter)
Now, the main discussion in this meeting
was what to do about DACA,
which is expiring in March.
Now, DACA is a program
that allows around 700,000 undocumented immigrants
who were brought to the U.S. when they were children
to stay in the U.S. and not to be deported.
Because think about it, they could be punished
for a decision that their parents made--
to bring them here, you know?
It's like how were you punished for your parents' decision
to take to you Supercuts.
It's not your fault.
Now, Democrats want to pass DACA right now.
Republicans also want to pass DACA,
but only if the Democrats also agree
to fund more border security and, of course, Trump's wall.
You guys remember the wall? Yeah?
The one by Mexico? It's like, "You guys are dumb."
That one. Remember that wall?
So, while both sides want DACA, there's a clean DACA,
and then there's DACA with everything else.
And if you were running a high-level negotiation
about DACA, this would be a key concept to understand.
But if I told you that there was one person in the room yesterday
who didn't quite understand...
I'll bet you can guess who it was.
(laughter)
So, please enjoy this moment
as Republican Kevin McCarthy has to jump in
to help the president understand
that he's just agreed with the opposite
of what he said he always wanted.
I'd like to ask the question
what about a clean DACA bill now
and with a commitment that we go
into a comprehensive immigration reform procedure?
-I think a lot of people would like to see that. -Wait.
But I think we have to do DACA first.
Mr. President, you need to be clear, though.
I think what Senator Feinstein's asking here...
When we talk about just DACA,
-we don't want to be back here two years later. -Right.
You have to have security, as the secretary would tell you.
But I think that's what she's saying.
Oh, no, no, I think she's saying something different.
It looks likes McCarthy was gently correcting a stupid kid.
You know? It's just like, "I want clean DACA."
"No, Mr. President, you don't want clean DACA."
"I don't want clean DACA."
I won't... I won't lie, I think it's so cute
that whenever Trump is out of his depth,
he gives himself away with that little hug
that he gives himself for comfort, you know?
It's like his little ThunderShirt.
He does that thing. Yeah, look at him.
He looks like the oldest B-boy in the crew, you know?
All you have to do is put him in a music video,
and he would crush it.
He would just be killing the game.
Go, DJ. Go, DJ. Go, DJ.
Go, DJ.
But actually, actually, it's not fair
to say that Trump knows nothing
about what he wants on immigration reform.
All right, he might be a little short on facts,
but the important thing is he's got the feeling.
Having the Democrats in with us is absolutely vital
because this should be a bipartisan bill.
This should be a bill of love.
Truly, it should be a bill of love.
That's right, people.
This should be a bill of love.
Which is ridiculous.
You don't get to call that a bill of love, right?
That's a bill that funds a 2,000-mile wall.
You don't call that the bill of love.
Even if the wall is full of glory holes, all right?
(laughter)
Which I fully believe Trump wants.
That's-that's not real love, all right?
A cheap fix, sure.
Does it feel great? Yes.
But real love?
I mean, unless you go back to the hole regularly
and the hole knows your name, then maybe.
Like-like, if you care for the hole
and the hole cares for you,
then maybe it's love.
Like, the real question
is what are you willing to do for the hole
and-and do you expect the hole to do anything in return?
That's-that's real love.
I miss you.
But, uh...
it's funny to hear Trump talking about love and immigration.
Especially after you hear the cruel decision
that he made on Monday.
About 200,000 immigrants from El Salvador
could face deportation next year after the White House announced
it is ending their temporary protected status.
These individuals who had been granted
temporary protected status
now have 18 months to try to find another legal way
to stay in the United States or be sent back to El Salvador.
Many of them fled El Salvador
because of violence during that country's civil war
or after the 2001 earthquake which devastated the country.
Yeah. While President Bill of Love puts on a show
for the cameras, behind the scenes,
his administration is kicking out 200,000 people
who have lived in the U.S. legally for decades.
Which is heartless.
Because these people have set up their whole lives.
They have jobs, they have houses.
Many of them have kids who were born in the U.S.
These are families, Mr. President, human beings.
You can't just treat them the same way you treat Eric.