Christmas.
Now THIS is more like it. I’ve always been a big fan of the festive season,
as it’s a time for happiness, family, capitalism, my racist uncle ruining the Christmas party,
giving presents, and most importantly of all, celebrating the birth of Christ.
Now I don’t know about you, but I am definitely getting everything I asked for off Santa this
year. My behaviour has been exceptional lately, and I haven’t received any restraining orders
since my Alive-O video. Oh, and before you ask about my girlfriend, I’m allowing her
to celebrate Christmas this year, so I think I’ve booked my spot on the ‘Nice’ list.
All I’m asking for this year is a proper Lynx Africa set unlike the garbage that Sophie
gave me last year, Crazy Frog Racer for the PS2, and a Minecraft game guide. That
fat bastard Santa Claus didn’t give me the Minecraft book I asked for last year or the
year before that, but hopefully third time’s the charm. And I’ve got a brand new stocking
just in case Santa thinks I deserve some extra presents this year. Christmas celebrations
are in full swing around the globe, but I still feel like there’s one thing missing
that I need to really complete the Christmas experience.
You’re not the TV license guy, right?
No, I have a package here for… “PKMX”?
Ah thank you. Here, happy Christmas.
I’m gonna buy so many V-Bucks with this!
I hope he spends that money wisely. Anyways, let’s see what he brought for me.
Looks like Christmas has officially started.
Now, before you start judging me, I am NOT too old for Christmas annuals aimed at primary
school children. I’m looking forward to some colouring and jokes and learning about
the Irish War of Independence.
Sonas, Siamsa, Sugradh and Spraoi - the four horsemen of the apocalypse, and the greatest
book series to ever come out of this country. Folens Christmas annuals have been a defining
element of the Irish Christmas experience for longer than you may think. The first issues
were released in 1970, these things are older than my dad. Receiving one of these annuals
in school every Christmas was always an exciting experience, but something even more exciting
was graduating to the next annual. Sugradh is for the infant classes, containing simple
activities such as colouring, spot the difference, colouring, tracing and colouring. But when
you reach first and second class, it’s time to graduate to Spraoi. It isn’t a major
upgrade, but there’s some slightly more advanced games and terrible jokes. One of
the key differences is the introduction of quizzes, and I’m not afraid to admit that
I’m struggling with these. Siamsa is leaving a bad first impression, as the front cover
illustration shows Santa flossing with the elves and reindeer.
Hi, I’d like to return my order.
The cover almost made me not want to celebrate Christmas anymore, but if we glance over that,
Siamsa features some profiles of real life heroes, which is actually a pretty neat idea.
And there’s an article about the existence of Bigfoot, better again. But Siamsa has nothing
on Sonas, the most advanced Christmas annual by a huge margin, aimed at fifth and sixth
class. This is a significant step-up from colouring and ‘spot the difference’. It
features content that I studied in Leaving Cert history, along with philosopher quotes,
and an extract about the impact of single-use plastics on the environment; Folens really
knows how to spread Christmas cheer. Looking through this year’s Christmas annuals reminds
me of childhood, but if you want to go on a real nostalgia trip, then I have got you covered.
Primary school was a simpler time, back when I needed to save up five euro for a Christmas
annual as opposed to paying thousands for student accommodation. In my latest video,
I said that the Late Late Toy Show marks the official start of the Christmas season for
many Irish people, but for me, Christmas started when Folens annuals were delivered to my school.
These annuals were convenient for everybody, as the students would get excited to tear
into some colouring and read the worst jokes ever written, and the teachers could let the
kids take them out during class when they didn’t feel like teaching. Looking back
on some of my old annuals, they’re not as great as I remember, but I can understand
why kids would enjoy them. Christmas was a way more exciting time back then, and I feel
like the magic of the holiday season started to wear off as I finished primary school.
If you ask me, I think they should make Christmas annuals for secondary school and college students.
For some reason, I couldn’t remember anything from my old annuals before I dug them up,
except for one thing from the 2008 Siamsa;
Pig Latin.
Take the first consonant of a word, move it to the end and add “ay”, and congratulations,
you just learned a new language. I’m not sure if being able to speak Pig Latin officially qualifies you as
bilingual, but I’m getting pretty good at it. My sister’s 2011 Siamsa features a picture
of a Dáil Éireann meeting for some reason. The highlight of Folens Christmas annuals
for me personally was the jokes, and in retrospect, I don’t know why. I always skipped straight
to the joke sections first in every annual, but now I’m struggling to find one that’s
even remotely funny. There’s a greater chance of me laughing at Mrs. Brown’s Boys.
“Why was the rabbit so unhappy? She was having a bad hare day!” “How does Jack
Frost travel? By icicle!”. I’m not even going to read this joke out loud. “What
part of a GAA ground never stays the same? The changing rooms!”. Whoever came up with
these jokes, I just want to talk. Sonas annuals are nowhere near as fun as Siamsa, Spraoi
and Sugradh, focusing more on information than activities. Nothing says “Christmas”
quite like the Lincoln Jail Escape of 1919. Browsing through these annuals objectively
is nothing special as a college student, but the nostalgic memories of receiving them in
primary school is something shared by a lot of people around the country. Folens is aware
of this, so they published a collection of old covers from every annual, dating back
to the 70’s. It’s pretty interesting to see how different the front covers were back
then - the art style is very different, and there’s a variety of characters like elephants,
witches, leprechauns, snowmen,
Golliwogs…
……
Old covers of the Christmas annuals are very problematic and they’re a sign of the times.
I’ll take Santa flossing over a Golliwog any day of the week. Thankfully, these old
covers have been left in the past, and there’s no other controversies to worry about. I’m
getting these images from an article on thejournal.ie, and I’m curious to check out the comments.
I know that’s never a good idea because journal.ie comment sections are f-cking warzones,
but there’s no way these people can get political about primary school Christmas annuals.
The founder of the company was a Nazi collaborator.
Let’s go back to talking about the Toy Show.
I wasn’t expecting a video about Christmas annuals to go down such a crazy direction,
but in all fairness, none of this reflects the work of Folens Ireland in 2019. They actually
publish videos on their YouTube channel advertising their annuals, and they look like they were
made in GoAnimate with royalty-free music and sound effects. This bollocks Santa Clause
promotes the content of the Christmas annuals, including quizzes, jokes, activities, and
recipes, the real reason why people get these books.
And you get a free pen or pencil with every annual.
I’ll take twenty.
One thing I learned from this video is that thousands of annuals are donated to children
in hospitals all over the country at Christmas time, which I think is a brilliant initiative.
Folens Christmas annuals are one of the greatest parts of Christmas in primary school, and
the fact that they can spread that magic to a sick child during the Christmas season is
incredible. I think it’s safe to say that my fondness for the Christmas annuals is 100%
nostalgia, because I don’t exactly have much interest in doing any of these activities
in 2019. But all of these annuals made the build-up to Christmas even more fun when I
was younger, and they continue to do so for today’s generation of kids. Christmas is
such a great time in primary school, between the mortifying nativity plays, the annual
shoebox appeal that makes an incredible difference for children living in poverty, and the simple
joy of a box of annuals arriving in the classroom. And even though the magic of Christmas has
since worn off for me, I can appreciate how Irish primary schools make it such an enjoyable
time of year for the children, and Folens Christmas annuals are a big part of that.
Christmas time in Ireland is truly a wonderful thing, and I couldn’t imagine celebrating
Christmas anywhere else. And I know that this will be the best Christmas ever, because I
have been a very good PKMX this year. That reminds me, I must get some snacks prepared for
Santa so I can stay on his good side. Plain digestives are all I have unfortunately, but
I think Santa will definitely appreciate a dirty pint when he’s working all night. I hope you
don’t mind that you’re not getting anything for Christmas this year, because everything
in Santa’s sleigh is coming straight down my chimney….
I'll just leave the front door open. Anyways, it’s getting pretty late so I better go to bed.
I’ll see you in the morning.
Well, today's the big day. If I don’t get everything I asked for, I am going to f-cking scream.
I'll meet you downstairs.
I told you I was good this year!
So it looks like I definitely got on the 'Nice' list this year, we can check out these presents
together because I know you didn't get jacksh-t.
This is already shaping up to be the best
Christmas of my life, but I hope he got the rest of my order right.
Well, it’s exactly what I asked for, and these presents are fantastic and everything, but it looks like he forgot
my Minecraft game guide…
again.
...Wait a minute.
F-ck you Santa!