*WAPOOSH* Top of the morning to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye and welcome back to "TABG."
Totally Accurate Battle Grounds.
We're gonna get in again now that I kind of know what I'm doing.
And we're gonna have a bunch of fun, and we're gonna win a round!
I got very, very close the last time.
Ehm, but I don't want to be Mr. French Baguette Man
I wanna be--Oh god no I don't wanna be naked.
Uhm
'Kay you look like some weird Russian DJ.
Uhm...
That's--Ah.. No...
YES.
That is exactly it,. That's what I want to be.
A conquistador!
Would anyone like to gangsta rap?
(beatboxing in the background)
Would anyone like to beat box?
(beatboxing in the background)
Oh little beat box boy?
Come out and beat box!
(beatboxing in the background + that russian pop fast rythm)
Is that an Adidas mummy?
Hahaha!
Dodododododododododododo (no specific melody)
I am...
I don't know where I'm going anyway..
Actually.
SAIL AWAY, SAIL AWAY, SAIL AWAY!!! (laughs and character crashes into a tree)
AH, GOD!
Okay, I'm alive and I have a dream.
Where--Where should I go?
Ooh! Ooh! Bicycle!
(sing-song) I want to ride my bicycleeee
(sing-song) I want to ride my Biiiiike
Alright, there's nothing around here except a guy shooting back that way.
So I'm 'bling! bling! getting the fuck out of here.
Oh, OH, OH GOD--OH IT'S ALL GONE WRONG.
Where even am I?
There's a guy right there. I think I'll kill 'em with the bicycle.
Is that even a thing you can do?
Okay, stealth bike.
Hi!
(gunshots)
OW, OW!
Okay, I guess that's not--I guess that's not a thing you can do.
OW, my perfectly sculpted ass!
Stop it!!
(still gunshots)
Ow, OW, OW!
Stop don't shoot--STOP DON'T SHOOT ME BRO! DON'T--MATRIX DODGE!
('fighting' noises)
DAMNIT!
Come on bsd.
Once more. Once more.
I just need to win!
Just give me the win!
(beat boxing)
they're...They're looking at me!
Guys (?) they're looking at me!
You--OHGOD YOU WANNA GO? YOU WANNA GO SIR?
(punching noise) hahaha! (cute laugh)
(beatboxing)
Man, if only I could shoot people and win rounds as good as I can rap.
That guy is climbing a tree!
Here we go. I am IronMan!
GEROMINOOOOS!!
(crash sound, angry cat and duck quack)
(whispers) Jesus fuck...
Oh my god I'm part man part building! I'm boy building!
Hello, friend! hahaha
I love the way they run!
Onwards we go! On Jacksepticeye's adventure!
We will find a gun, and if not, I hope we find the missing piece in our lives all this time.
That guys' still running this way.
I need to find a gun before he does.
He looks EXACTLY like the guy who killed me last time except this time he's wearing a mask.
He's wearing a mask 'cuz he doesn't want me to see he's the same person.
Gun?
Damnit..
At least we can get some music for the road.
(beatboxing)
I'm dropping my album next year.
There are no guns anywhere.
What is Happening?
He has a frying pan, okay? Go kill that other guy! Kill the dude who has a gun. There he goes!
GET 'EM DUDE!
(laughs)
That's not gonna end well for our friend.
OH SHIT--OH HE GOT A SWORD! NO! That's unfair!
DUDE c'mon we were friends!
We had a journey together! We sang songs!
NOOOOOOO!
FRIEND!
Crossbow! Crossbow!
NO! fff-fatherfucker!
(yodeling)
It's a war zone...
It's a war zone and I think I might be a banana.
I am a banana.
(laughs)
Can I have a gun? A bike? A car? Something?
I got a s-...sword.
I'm a sword wielding banana man!
(laughing)
I love my character right now!
All I need to do is sneak...
If I can sneak up on people and stab them then I can win!
Uh oh...
Get in this blind spot and he won't know what's going on...
There he goes! (x2)
Okay, we got this!
We got this.
Oh! He doesn't see me!
He doesn't know!
Okay, the ring's coming in; in a minute.
We can do this. (x2)
GERONIMO!
NOOO!
*laughs*
Oh it was never gonna work.
You deaad! (laughing)
What is with my luck and not getting guns in any of the houses i'm going to?
Ahh. Finally, a fricken gun.
Okay. This time we can at least do something.
I think I'm in the middle of nowhere on my own.
So that's--that's real good.
Woooh! Tall castle! Let's go there.
(whispers) Bad man!
(fast gunshots)
Okay...
Nailed it.
(still shooting)
Uh oh! (x3) How do I? OKAY
(gunshots)
SHOOT HIM!
OH NO! I have no ammo! (x2)
Gimme this! (x2)
Uh!
Where is he?
Let me at him (x2)
(5 gunshots)
Mother--
DIE!!
(sword swinging and 2 'cling' sounds)
YEAH!!
BABY!!
That went on far longer than it should have...
Look at 'em.
Ready to go. He may look like he's going for a bike ride.
But the only thing he's riding is *the line of danger*
Ooh, look at this big thing I got!
Ooh, yes please!
And has full auto!
Hey, Friend!
(repetitive gunshots)
O- Umm, okay?
Can I ask where my bullets went?
Were my bullets on vacation?!
Did they have two weeks off that day?
Damn it. Really wish my bullets were there to shoot people for me.
Okay, they know I'm coming now. They know what to expect.
Nah, you need better clothes.
There we go. Inconspicuous!
You can't see a man coming if you can't see his eyes!
This is gonna work!
Parkour!
Uh!
Do it!
Par-
Parkour, parkour!
Uh!
Put me on YouTube!
Alright, where are we?
Now I can actually check the map that I keep forgetting that actually exists.
Ehm, let's go THIS WAY!
WHEEEEE!
Oo, this is good.
Oh, an auto ShotGun!
(ambiant noise (walking, metal, gunshot) and beatboxing coming back)
Someone here?
(...gunshots)
(whispers) Are you fucking serious? Are you...
Are you serious?
Where were all my other shots going?
Uh that's not what I want.
(2 - 3 explosions sounds)
I want my other gun back
That's not it- WHAT THE. FFUCK!
AHHH NO AMMO!
That guy wants me.
Oh he wants me.
If he wants me, he gonna get me.
He's getting there to hop on a bike.
You know what? Can't blame him, I would do that too.
Look at my farmer boy!
Ready for action!
I love him.
If you don't want the car...I'll take the car.
'cause I've got to get out of here.
You're driving sir!
OH HOLD ON!
We're going off-road in this one!
steady- easy now!
If you see people, just run them over.
The hell is that?
Oh those are just bottles! (chuckles)
They're not anything useful!
LEAVE!
yep, I see a person.
I also hear another person.
People are just everywhere in this game!
Like all the time!
uh oh, oh Jesus, oh Jesus!
Oh those are bad people coming my way!
Out the window!
(real fast gunshots and 2 'cling' sounds)
OOOH!
(softly) I don't know how I did that!
Heal.
Uh oh!
Uh Oh! Oh I need to reload!
I forgot that you need to reload!!
I keep forgetting that!
AAAAAH!
Heal.
(repetitive gunshots and metal sounds of the shield)
YYEAAAAH BABY!
(relief) ooooohhhh!
ooohhh can I heal again?
ohh I need to heal again!
oh I can't though.
uh oh!
(8 seperated gunshots)
OH The fucking wibble wabbles!
What are we the Weebles?
(still-separated-but-faster-now gunshots and 2 'cling' sounds)
YES!
OH!
GIMME THIS!
GIMME THAT!
OH I NEED THAT!
OH MY GOD! I've killed everybody!
How many kills do I have?
Four!
That's the most I've ever had in this game!
This is incredible!
Okay, He's over there (x2), We're going to get him (x2)!
He's in the building (x2)...
You know who's also going to be in the building right now?
Me.
(fast shooting and 2 'cling' sounds)
YEAHAHA!
(deep voice) Oh, expect the unexpected!
Oh, Imma heal again!
(laughs)
You know, what even if I don't win the round, I've won in my heart right now.
(whilst laughing) Look at my guy is fucking stacked!
(laughs)
Okay, where's next ring going?
Oh no, it's really far away you guys!
There's seven alive!
Including Jack-a-boy!
Oh no, I'm not going to make it!
I'm too heavy!
I should have take the freakin bike!
This is bad (x3)
(louder) This is bad (x3)
Oooh bikes!
I can take a bike and go!
I hear shots though. There are still seven alive.
(exhales)
Just make like the Amsterdamians and get on that bike
and mosey on down.
BLING BLING BITCH!
(repetitive gunshots)
-crazy laughter-
Bike boy is here!
(still shooting)
Oh no, OH NO!
I don't know if I want to chase him down. That's scary.
There's another guy in front of me as well.
Can I, can I, can I have the ammo?
NO!
Five other people left.
Oh, I see him!
I see everybody!
I SEE EVERYTHING!
I'm so nervous...
'Kay, someone's moving out! Someone's making the first move!
(gunshots)
OH MY GOD! That was so fucking close!
Did I drop my gun?!
Ooooh no, oh no, what am I doing?
What am I doing? Med-kit (x3)!
yes (x8)!
(exhales through mouth (x8))
Oooohh my god!
Oh there's been seven alive and I killed two!
I killed seven people!
(softly) oh no...
oh no am I trapped?
No I'm not trapped, I'm never trapped!
(gunshots and bike sounds)
I know what you're up 'ta!
Okay? And it's not gonna work!
(bike sounds move around and fade slitghly)
Where's this ring going? oh no!
(bike sounds keep moving)
God the bikes sound like they're so much closer than they are!
Oh jesus that walls' moving quick!
Oh I'm out in the open!
This is the worst time line!
Holy shit, this is terrifying!
(3 deep sounding gunshots from sniper)
WOAH (x3)!
No fucking way!
How the hell!?
Wall 'em up please!
(ambiant music increasing in volume and drama)
Oh no!
(dramatic music intensifies and gunshots)
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Chicken Apple Sauce, NO!
That was my round you bastards!
I got seven- eight kills!
Agh GOD!
The lowly villager tried his best!
OK well we tried our best!
We got very, very close!
Last time we got second, this time we got fourth.
But this time, we got WAY more kills! And I could have had that!
If...
Well, first off, I had to run through the open;
that's always a bad thing that has to happen
and the circle was closing faster than I was able to keep up with...
but if that guys wasn't up in the hills, sniping down at me
'cause he got a shot on me that took half my health.
And if that didn't happen I could have had a chance
because I wouldn't have been concentrating on him!
I would have been aware of the people all around me!
And the guy that killed me at the end was the guy on the bike!
Oh BUT ANYWAY,
THANK YOU GUYS so much for watching this video
If you LIKED it
PUNCH THE LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE!
LIKE A BOSS!!!
AND (close to mic) high fives all around!
*Wapoosh* *Wapoosh*
Thank you guys and I will see all you dudes
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
-Outro Music- I'm Everywhere by TeknoAxe
Chicken Apple Sauce- That's not even a thing!