Hey this is Clay.
And today is number five in our series on small adjustments you can make to have a big
impact on getting your ex back.
So we've talked about a couple of things already and today we're going to talk about the notion
of context versus content.
Let me explain kind of the backstory of this so so really like a lot of times people will
wonder like should I give up.
Should I keep trying to get my ex back or should I just cut my losses and walk away.
And you know I know it can be hard because everybody around you or your friends or your
family there saying you know breakups happen for a reason.
There's plenty of other fish in the sea.
You know that guy was a jerk.
He is no good for you anyway.
That girl ain't no Jack.
She's not the right one for me.
It can be hard because your heart feels like yes I love this person I want to keep working
this out but there's this chorus of other people in your life they tell you no give
up.
So how do you know.
What the difference is.
How do you know when you should give up verses How do you know when you should keep going
forward and this all goes back to the notion of context versus content.
I mean video on this a while ago but I just really want to make sure that that this is
clear and that people understand this without making another one right now and.
OK.
So.
A lot of times what'll happen is you'll get these mixed messages from your ex.
You know one minute they'll say yeah we should be up for coffee then a couple hours later.
You know I really hate you.
I can't believe that you ruined our relationship like that.
I never want to talk to you again.
Or maybe it's the other way around.
You know they write you this long angry letter about all the reasons why they hate you and
then in the morning they send you e-mails like I'm sorry I sent that thing to you.
I can't believe I said that I did not mean to be that hurtful I was just a really bad
mood Blah blah blah.
You know what.
It went when there was a cosily going back and forth and sometimes you have a good interaction
sometimes during bad interactions.
How do you know.
Whether you're moving in the right direction or not.
How do you know if you should keep going.
And.
I want you to really look at.
The context of what they're saying because most people get lost in the content.
Most people get lost in you know oh yeah.
She says yeah we can work it out some day or or oh my God she said she hates me forever
or oh my god.
He said he would rather date anyone in the world except me.
You know they get so lost in the content of what they're actually saying that they completely
miss the context of what they're accessing.
And it's important to look at the context is important to look at a kind of where your
ex is emotionally ok if they're in a very distraught place emotional you have to take
their content what they're saying to you with a grain of salt because that's just their
emotions talking.
It's just their emotions talking and you know sometimes when you're in a bad mood if you
go into this emotional rollercoaster sometimes when you're in bad mood you might say things
that you regret sometimes in your good mood.
You may say things will too prematurely and so.
You have to.
Really look at the emotional context of how your ex is acting and what kind of where they're
at.
We kind of spoke about this a long time ago.
I don't know if there's anyone still around who remembers this but in the continuum of
getting back together with your ex you know there's like one extreme where they never
want to see you again they hate your guts they're completely your life and there's no
other extreme weather like you know.
Yeah we could kind of work things out I want to I want to get back together.
Yeah let's do that.
And in between there's this gray zone.
There's this gray zone right.
And you have to be able to pull them from one side to the other.
If you want to get back together.
The problem is though is as you pull them from hating your guts.
Towards.
Wanting to be with you there's going to be this is like a tipping point where we're suddenly
it's like OK it was over here and it's kind of going over here.
But right now it's just sort of like wobbling back and forth right here.
And when it's wobbling back and forth right there in the middle.
You are going to have to deal with a lot of mixed messages you're going to have to deal
with what we call riding the dragon.
You know one moment it's going to be like you know yeah I can't believe we broke up
we should get back together again the next move is going to be like you know I still
don't trust you.
I can't be together with you.
Let's just take a break here.
Then the next stage can be like.
I really miss you.
We should meet up for coffee and then the next day is going to be like.
I've decided to date other people.
You know it's going to this back and forth thing it's because they're being pulled by
these two forces one force says let's not get back to go the other force says let's
get back together and right.
And that moment in that in that gray zone there it's sort of teetering back and forth
between both of them.
And you know even the slightest grain of sand on one side or the other of that you know
a little teeter totter is going to sort of sway it in one direction or another.
And what you want to do is not get caught up in that drama.
You want to look at it in the emotional context and say OK they were over here.
Now they're over here.
That's definitely you know a good move and it kind of explains a lot of their behavior.
Maybe so we just have to keep making sure that it feels good and keep pulling them over
in this direction.
Hope that makes sense to you.
So again I don't want you to get too caught up in looking at the emotional content of
what they're saying because it's going to really drive you crazy.
It's going to make you try to analyze everything to death.
That's going to make you second guess yourself a lot of times.
It's to make you wonder if you should keep trying if you should just throw in the towel
and walk away when really it may just be you know.
A grain of sand on this side that keeps them from wanting to get back together with you.
So what you decide right now.
Decide today whether you're going to continue to go after the emotional content of what
they're saying what they're doing you know analyzing everything thinking everything through
to death trying to decipher a text message that they sent trying to decipher a text message
that they didn't send.
Trying to decipher what it means when they said one thing and do the opposite.
Or when they didn't say one thing and then did something else instead.
You're going to have to keep driving yourself crazy analyzing all of this.
Or I want you to decide to start looking at the emotional context of what's going on.
You know I understand that there is this continuum between they don't want to be with you.
They do want to be with you and there's this like tipping point right in the middle.
Understand that and you can keep pulling your ex across that towards towards the side that
you want them to be on.
And you can kind of ignore the content take it with a grain of salt and just kind of keep
making sure that it feels good so that you can make consistent and steady progress towards
getting back together.
And if you'd like to do that I really want to invite you to sign up for the ex solution
program.
That's something that we talk about inside the ex solution program it's something that
we really advocate.
You can go ahead and click the button down below and you can learn more about the ex
solution program and if it sounds like a good fit for you if this sounds like something
that would benefit you and your efforts to get back together with your ex then I hope
that you know give it a try and sign up.
You know again you don't even have to really decide today you have a full 60 days to make
that full decision about whether or not this is something you want to continue doing about
whether or not this is something that you know is really right for you.
You can.
You have 60 days to really decide on that's all I'm asking you to do is if this there's
even a part of you that thinks that this might help you.
Just go ahead and say maybe today and sign up and you have 60 days to decide whether
or not it's something you want to keep with.
Or I want you to decide to just keep going driving yourself crazy analyzing everything
maybe the way you have been in the past.
And you know obviously I think that going after the emotional context for ESP is probably
the better choice.
And again if that's something that you want to do go ahead and click the button down below
and check it out see if it's a good fit for you and if it is I look forward to seeing
you inside.
This has been Clay.
And tomorrow we're going to talk about the final.
Little tweak you can make to take your efforts with your ex to the next level so be sure
to tune in tomorrow it's going to be a really good one.