Blood is very important to me.
I have had thoughts of bathing in blood.
When I was 12 years old,
there was a friend of mine
we were sitting in a lunch room
and I just spontaneously started to choke him.
And a surge of power came over me.
When I was 15,
I would create my own death scene photos
just out of people in magazines.
I would smear blood on them.
When John was young he always talked about
his fascination with killing
and serial killers,
weird drawings on his table
with blood mixed in and heads chopped off,
severed limbs and heads and like things sewed back together.
I honestly thought I would find
a severed head in the closet.
When I was around 25,
there was this prostitute walking
the streets of east Boston.
I'd had a few drinks,
decided to go out and see if I could find her.
I brought a bag with me so in my mind it was logical
take her head back home with me.
But I never ran into her.
I've never been scared of John,
but I'm definitely afraid of him
when he starts drinking.
There's a possibility I could snap
and become something absolutely evil.
Are you aware that he sees you as a trigger?
Um, it's kind of like something that
is a little bit of a surprise to me to hear that,
but at the same time I do feel
that he is resentful of certain things with me.
If your relationship with your sister is a trigger,
then you need to resolve that
to the point that you desensitize yourself
to her as a trigger.
And you should not be alone with this man
with yourself and your children
unless and until an independent professional
tells you that it is safe to do so.
Okay, just
(applause)
just belt and suspenders.
Do I think that he would transgress against you?
I would tell you probably not.
But as a mother you don't have the right
to take that chance.
So if you wanna see your brother,
see him in a public place.
Or with someone around until a professional tells you
that you're no longer a trigger for him.
You know they say it takes all kinds
and there's no doubt that there are predators among us.
There are those that have crossed the line
and those that are right up to the line.
Our job as individuals and parents,
is to go through this life
with the awareness that there are people out there
that are capable of doing horrible and monstrous things.
And the problem that we face is
if you are a normal person,
you have problems with seeing possibilities of dark acts
because your mind doesn't go there.
Your mind doesn't have the ability to imagine
that people can think about and act on urges
that are so dark.
And I'm glad that we don't go there,
we don't live in those dark fringes.
But we need to be aware that people are capable
of doing terrible, terrible things.
You know we always talk about
I was raised in a Christian family
where they said give people the benefit of the doubt.
Come on look for the good in people
and give people the benefit of the doubt.
I don't believe that.
And I don't give people the benefit of the doubt
and neither should you.
What you should do when you meet someone,
is come in neutral and begin to gather data.
And if you gather data that is positive
and it says I should trust this person.
They're showing me trustworthy behaviors,
then trust them.
If they're giving you data that says
I don't know or no.
Then you should accept that
and put your guard up and be protective.
It's your job as a parent.
It's your job as an individual.
But giving people benefit of the doubt blindly,
not a good idea, not in today's world.