So the other day, I was watching an episode of the Mandolorian, and, naturally, I was in a deep sleep
dreaming of better days, but I was jolted awake and to my horror the episode was still going on.
I had lots of questions - like why is Lizzo in this? And what the hell is Jack Black doing here,
and Doc Brown, they pulled you into this mess? But what really took the cake, was the fact
that a show called The Mandolorian, that was supposed to be about Mando, is not about Mando,
but instead about Bo Katan, who in case you were wondering is most definitely in her girl boss era,
and Mando should be ashamed for even attempting to breath the same air as her.
Bo - “Maybe I didn't make myself clear the last time I want to be left alone.”
But don’t worry - like a good little toxic male slowly learning his place in the garbage
section of any narrative, Mando is quickly handing over the storyline and heroics to this superior
character, and hanging around incase she needs to rescue someone to maintain her “girl boss” status.
Mando - “What happened?” Bo - “I saved your life.”
But she’s of course not the only girl boss we’ve seen recently. Cassie comes to mind
thanks to Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania but in the movie, Cassie, unfortunately,
is out girl bossed by Janet who is in her Grandma boss era. Is she her grandma - eh I don’t care.
And thanks to Black Panther Wakanda Forever we have so many girl bosses
to choose from with Princess Shuri, Nakia, Okoye,
but lets not forget the newest girl boss on the scene - Ri-Ri Williams.
But I haven’t even mentioned 9 year old princess Leia from the Kenobi series who
easily bests her captors in this amazing chase scene, and Reva who, say it with me,
is a self taught powerful warrior - yes! Which brings me to the girl bosses of all
girl bosses - Rey. A character so beloved, let’s be honest, her last name is really not important.
Well well well, looks like Rey will be returning to the big screen to
rebuild the Jedi order. Hmmm….okay. *Screaming*
My point with showcasing the army of girl bosses
that we have been inundated with lately is simple - I HATE THIS.
None of the characters are resonating with audiences, exemplified perfectly
by the fast dwindling box office numbers, and faster dwindling viewership count.
And the best place to start in explaining why is by talking about the Mary Sue in the room.
To explain what a Mary Sue is, I’ll have to take you back to a time when I was mini
Baggage Claim - friendless, in a new country I knew little about, with my head constantly
buried in the latest Harry Potter book. But in between J.K. Rowling’s publishing schedule,
I often turned to fanfiction.net, for the latest in amateur writing. And inevitably
I would come across a story with a Mary Sue. Here’s what 90% of those stories were like.
New female character, shows up to school, usually in the middle of the welcome feast
because she’s too cool to follow the rules like the other students. What is she a plebe?
She had dyed hair, and bangs that covered her face. Why? Cuz she’s cool, and she wore
etnies - yeah, you guys remember etnies? And that’s basically red flag number one of a Mary
Sue story - you always, and I mean ALWAYS get an over detailed description of their appearance.
And red flag number two - everyone is so enamored by her. Women wanna be her, men wanna…be with
her. Everyone wants to be her best friend, but she hates everyone cuz she’s edgy like that.
And despite not having a day of education in the magic world - she is incredibly powerful,
I mean Voldemort better watch out, because this [ __ ] is about to end
his whole career - because Boy who lived - who? More like boy who can
suck it! This is a story about Mary Sue and why is she is so powerful and gifted?
Simple - she’s Dumbledore’s grand daughter. They’re always Dumbledore’s grand daughter.
And yes, I’ve sprinkled in some footage from Twilight because Bella is a Mary Sue - who is
described to look just like the writer of Twilight - Stephanie Meyer. So yes,
you are correct that Mary Sue’ are all about projecting yourself into the universe.
And this also explains why Mary Sues are so perfect - because if you’re
someone who is self obsessed enough to put yourself in someone else’s story,
then it’s really unlikely that you’re self aware enough to acknowledge your own flaws,
and create anything other than a character who’s greatest flaw is that they’re almost too perfect.
Now is this exactly what’s happening in Marvel and Star Wars movies? Are the writer projecting
overly perfect versions on themselves into the stories? - I don’t know since I’m not aware of
exactly who is writing each character, but the result is the same - we have Mary Sues - and in
all instances we are repeatedly told, and not shown that they are in fact amazing,
and much better than legacy characters who they are here to unceremoniously replace
And since these “Strong Female Characters” are perfect projections,
with not one character flaw in sight, when it comes time to create conflict,
the hero’s struggle isn’t the traditional “hero is forced to face up to her own insufficiencies
in an effort to overcome her challenges”. No, women are perfect so that’s not possible. So
the problem rather than being inside the hero, it is always outside in the form of social injustice.
So naturally, the hero is the new favorite archetype - the activist.
Cassie - “I mean it was kind of hard to see through all that tear gas you
fired into the Park full of peaceful protesters”
And I know what you’re thinking! Baggage Claim, how can I impress a girl boss?
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Okay we're back and back to the activism of female Heroes.
The reason the activist and mary sue characters line up so well is because
of their very simplified outlook. Both character types find it impossible to see
their own hands in the issues of the world, but instead as self righteous saviors that
the world has been waiting for, to descend down from their throne and help the down
trodden and tell the villains of the world to - “come on, stop being such a villain.”
“don't be a dick.
“It's too late.”
“It's never too late to stop being a dick.” And magically, he stopped.
This overly simplified view is very compliant with modern activism where
people think that holding up signs saying “end poverty” will actually help end poverty,
and that the reason homelessness is an issue is simply because housing is too
expensive because of greedy companies, and couldn’t possibly have anything to do
with how expensive it is to make affordable housing because of government bureaucracy.
Cassie - "No one can even afford rent right now unless you're some trust fund [ __ ]”
Activists might be Disney’s favorite group of people right now, eager as they are to please
them with their over representation but calling yourself an “activist” is the easiest thing to
do in the world. Finding flaws in the system and yelling at people about it doesn’t take
work - what actually takes work is becoming part of the solution. Because it requires a person
to climb down from their towering soap box, acknowledge that they don’t know everything,
reflect on the complexity of human behavior, and their own flaw, recognize that rarely is it the
case that complex economic and social issues have simple causes like the rich are greedy,
and be humble enough to learn from real action takers about possible solutions.
But this right here is what’s called being in touch with reality, something that young
idealistic activists struggle with. And a proper story that’s rooted in reality would
endeavor to put them through a character arc that helps them see their own deficiencies.
But this would be against the tenets of Mary Sue style story telling. So
instead we get further confirmation of the awesomeness of the already awesome
girl boss strong empowered female hero that is the key to everything.
So back to the beginning of this video when I was having a very peaceful nap and
dreaming of better times like a little known show called Firefly - which also
happened to have a female character that was the key to everything - River.
River is a genius young girl that gets experimented on by the government,
and turned into a psychic weapon.
Sound familiar? No of course
not. No one who saw Ant Man 2 actually remembers the oh so engaging back story of
*googling sounds* “Ava Starr, that was her name?huh all right.
To put it lightly, River is unstoppable.
River - “Can’t look, can’t look.”
River -
“No power in the verse can stop me."
Woof, gives me chills.
Despite this declaration, River, unlike our modern girl bosses,
is extremely broken - having suffered cruel experimentation,
as well as mental and physical tampering all of which has left her unstable, and helpless.
And there is a deep reality in that. Ability,
knowledge, courage, wisdom - they all come at a price.
Luke loses his hand when he confronts his father, Tony lose his heart when
confronted with his own creations, Harry has to be willing to die in order to defeat Voldemort.
Odin lost his eye as did Nick Fury for the price for Wisdom.
We all know this to be a deeply true idea that knowledge comes with loss.
Fury - “Last time, I trusted someone I lost an eye.”
Which is why the reveal of how Fury actually lost his eye is a goddamn abomination.
It’s like they completely missed the point, and played it up for laughs.
Of course it's Marvel what else can they do.
When River is faced with so much destruction,
the inevitable deaths of all the people around her who have protected her all this time,
including her dying brother, she’s finally able to pull herself together.
Simon - “I hate to leave you.” River - “You won’, you take care of me, Simon.
You've always taken care of me.
My turn.”
And boy is this fight scene cool and satisfying because of everything she
has overcome to save her family when we thought all hope was lost.
All compelling heroic tales document this journey
of transformation from unlimited and unharnessed potential into a hero.
But the girl bosses are exempt from such realistic narrative structures. Instead,
they come out of the box - spouting knowledge and dropping technology
without any character flaws to hold them back, nor any teacher to pull them forward.
Cassie creates a powerful telescope into the Quantum realm by herself.
Hank Pimm - “Your daughter built a subatomic Hubble telescope in a basement.
Reva trained herself Rey has never needed training
and now will succeed where Luke Skywalker failed Riri Williams created a vibranium detector for a
school project without even possessing any vibranium to test it out! Why?
Ri-ri - “My professor said I'll never be able to do it.”
And in case you're wondering these characters are all
written like this is because they’re not intended to inspire like the heroes old.
No, no they’re here to tell you that they are so much goddamned better than you.
After all, this is the Mary Sue way.
Bo - “This is the way."
Thank you for watching everyone if you enjoyed this video please
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