During acts of kindness, they say
certain hormones are secreted in larger doses in our system,
especially serotonin, oxytocin
these are feel-good hormones
It really makes you feel good.
I am baffled and puzzled by this idea of sustainable kindness
It is like, you know, we, the human beings minus kindness, minus love, minus compassion,
what do we become?
Nothing, right? We can be called inhuman without these qualities
This afternoon when I was discussing with my friend,
I asked him a question, “Would you be kind to your son and serve him dinner and
serve him breakfast as a father or as a mother?
Is it an act of kindness when you serve your family members?”
He said, “No”. I said, “What is the difference here?”
We express kindness to others, but to our own
we don’t say it is kindness, It is my duty, it is my dharma
So it is precisely when we have moved away
from duty and we start talking of dharma that we make efforts in being kind
I would like to refer you to this dialogue between Raja Janaka
and the great sage Ashtavakra
The very first question he poses to this very great sage....
The king asks three questions. Number one is, “How to acquire higher knowledge, Brahmavidya?
The second question he asks is, “How to detach myself?”
And the third question he asks is,” How to arrive at a state of liberation?”
Sage Ashtavakra replies very kindly and says “Rajan, if you want these things,
abandon vishaya as visham
It means, all these sensual hankering, fulfilments,
treat them as visham means poison.
And embrace satyam, ahimsa, aarjava, daya.
When I referred to this word ‘daya’, it is kindness, it is compassion.
Without kindness in our heart,
I think we can go nowhere
Kindness is not a verb like
love is something that we use often as a state of being as well as an act of love
Kindness… you cannot say, kinding or kinded or things like that.
It is always a state of being, being in a ‘state of kindness’.
How to arrive at that?
I don’t think we have to worry about how to arrive at it,
we already have this quality in us all the time.
Exercise your will and display it.
In the management world, what happens? I give a real example from my pharmacy days
We operated a chain of drug stores in New York City and the surrounding area
and we used to have a service called ‘Shopper Service’.
We used to have dozens of people going from one shop to another shop
they were kind of mystery shoppers, they would see
they would stand in front of our drug stores even before drug stores were open
they would monitor at what time they opened
when they entered the store, how they were greeted?
When they gave money to the cashier, was it properly counted?
Was it acknowledged? Did you get the right change?
Did you try to tempt them to give you something for free?
How is the ambience when you enter the store?
Things like that. So, at multiple levels they used to scan,
and one day, one of the mystery shoppers brought to my attention
In this particular store, such and such a cashier is not being honest with you.
So we interrogated that person and he had sold thirty two dollars worth of a Marlboro carton.
He gave the cigarettes but he did not ring the register.
So I could have fired him right then and there
But instead, I chose to have a dialogue with him.
Because I know humans’ traits are, If I replace one fellow,
I don’t think I am going to get an honest person anyway
I will have to keep on changing one person after another.
I took this upon myself and said, “Okay, let me call him to my office.” I did and
interrogated him and said, “Look, when you need money, please tell me but don’t do this
We have to pay bills, you also need money but do not try to steal in this way, it sets a bad example
You will also suffer consequently and you will feel guilty.
Do you feel happy about doing these things?
He said, “No sir, I am not happy”
I said, “What do you want me to do, should I keep you or should I fire you?”
He said, “Sir, if you allow me to stay with you, I will be fine, I will never do this again.
And I am telling you today, he is still with us, more productive and more efficient.
So this is one way of showing our concerns.
People may call it kindness, people may call whatever name you like to call it
being good to others
Even when you are listening to each other with rapt attention, when we are chit chatting,
then too, there is some level of civility, some level of kindness required in listening
When we listen with kindness, when we listen with compassion
when we listen with rapt attention
not only are we fulfilling ourselves, but we are respecting the other
So, kindness can be expressed I think in many ways. Instead of benefitting the other,
I think kindness showers upon myself in greater doses than the other person receiving the blessings.
I found that whenever we melt our heart and somehow carry out acts of kindness willingly,
consciously
then you see your heart, the condition of your heart. it simply melts away.
It makes you really feel good at that time
During acts of kindness, they say
certain hormones are secreted in larger doses in our system,
especially serotonin, oxytocin
these are feel-good hormones
It really makes you feel good.