("Fairy Town" by Warner/Chappell Production Music)
(slamming of bottles onto hard surface)
(phone rings)
- I just want you to know that I don't care
about whatever you're trying
to bait me into talking with you about
and that I need to do work today.
- Read you loud and clear.
Attention everybody.
I just want to apologize
for not being the best friend
and co-worker to you guys.
And not the best Kayland
to myself.
- Uh huh.
- I eat too much.
I drink too much
and I jet ski too much.
- Ah, you don't jet ski too much.
- I might even be a little bit inconsiderate.
But I want you to know,
I am going to solve literally all of my problems
by starting a juice cleanse.
- Kayland, juices cleanses aren't proven,
- Today is the new beginning
of a chapter of man!
(slow clap)
(faster clapping)
(powerful low gong)
I'm going to be late to the meeting.
(powerful low gong)
Have you noticed how good
the light smells today?
- Yeah, I guess so.
- I think my third eye opened up
and ever since then I've really been able
to see everything for what it really is.
- Yeah, that juice looks really intense.
- Oh, do you want to try some?
It'll change everything.
It's celery stems and turnip dirt.
- It's terrible.
- Once your second mouth
and nose open,
you'll love it.
- Do you feel any different?
- I go to the bathroom
about once every eight minutes
and sometimes when I dream,
I dream that I'm a blue star
riding a sort of cosmic wave
through the ever expanding universe.
- Cool.
- You know, um, old Kayland would have thought
that that smelled delicious
and it would have made his mouth water.
- Do you want a bite?
- No.
Old Kayland was more toxins than man.
We are knew Kayland.
I'm going to be late to that meeting later.
- I think I like the new Kaylands.
(powerful low gong)
- Did you know that nine out of ten things
you put in your mouth are pure poison?
- That's completely false.
(conversational chatter with enthusiastic karate screams)
- I can smell your light.
Juice cleanse,
juice cleanse,
cleanse, cleanse, cleanse, cleanse,
juice cleanse.
You know, when you think about it,
the priority eluves that the first life came out of,
that was like the first juice.
(tapping on bottle)
- Think they're both capitalized.
How do you know?
- This is.
Hmm.
(heavy breathing)
- Um.
- Okay.
Well, anyways.
(slapping cup)
- Juice cleanse,
juice cleanse,
juice.
(powerful low gong)
- Juice cleanse,
juice cleanse.
- I'm a little worried.
He's not responding to my texts or anything.
- I know, it's so great, right?
- Juice cleanse.
- Hey man, I think you need this.
- I pity you.
The unclean.
(crying)
They use so much.
(crying)
- Should I call his emergency contact?
- No, I'm his emergency contact.
I'll just post it to Facebook.
(crying)
- Come on babe,
you need some food.
- Okay, I think Kayland
has turned into the monster on that plane
in that one movie.
- I'm going to be late to the meeting.
(laughing)
(film reel with inspirational horns)