How to improve your self-esteem. Five techniques for positive self-talk.
If you're honest with yourself, negative thinking is sapping your productivity and sucking the joy
out of your life. Watch this video through to the end. Do some of the things that we're talking about
here, and you can turn that around today. Positive self-talk, negative self-talk, whatever it is it's
happening in your thinking. So, technique number one is to turn on your metacognition. Now, this is a
psychological word. We make up words in psychology, it makes us feel smart. And this is one of them.
Metacognition. When you break it down, cognition means thinking. Metacognition is a higher-level.
It's thinking about thinking. And notice that you can do this. As you turn this on, it puts you back
into a position of joys. I've said this a lot to my clients that either you run your thinking
or your thinking runs you. As you turn on your metacognition, it puts you back in the driver's
seat so that you can actually steer and control and choose your thoughts. Now, I'm going to throw
in a little disclaimer before we get to technique number two. You don't have to change your self-talk.
You don't have to. You can keep doing the kind that you're already doing. Now that ticks people off
sometimes when I say that. But notice that it puts you in a position of metacognition. You might have
heard yourself think. Yeah, but I want to change how I talk to myself. Awesome. I'll get behind that all
day long. It's not a have to. It's a choice. And until you see it as a choice. It's not. So, you're
going to notice as you turn on your metacognition that there's some things going on that you like
and some things that you might want to change. Technique number two requires metacognition.
So, keep it turned on for a minute and notice your thinking as I share the impact of some phrases. I'm
not or I can't. Whatever you finish that with, okay? So, if we start a phrase with I'm not or I can't. It
takes us a particular direction. Compare that to I am or I can. Now, here's what I want you to notice
about these phrases. They are not judgments. I mean, they kind of feel judgy, especially when it's like
well, I'm not good enough. I want to take it out of the judgment category for a minute and let's
consider these phrases as creative templates. Now, what I mean by that is it sets up your brain to
go create whatever it is. I'm not good enough. If that's a creative template, your brain is standing
there loyally ready to fulfill your command. Aye, aye, Captain. I'll go create that for you. I'm not
good enough. What if we use a different template? I am good enough. That sounds a little corny. But
you can see that your brain is doing this all the time. And if you suggest to your brain, I am capable,
I am good enough, smart enough, cute enough. Then our loyal brain is just ready to fulfill our command
Aye, aye, Captain. I'll go make that happen for you. I've oversimplified this a little bit to make a
point. Whatever we choose as our creative template. Either it's I am or I am not. Our brain is standing
ready to fulfill that command for us. Let's look at the other one that I suggested. I can't. Not only is
this a creative template, it's also a power switch. Think about a power switch installed right there
on your brain. And it's either in the on position or the off position. I can't. What's the next step
after I can't? There's not one. Shut her down. There's nowhere to go after that. Unless it's
maybe fetal position in the corner, I guess? What about I can? Which leads to a creative process of
how can I. It's a pretty good question, isn't it? And when you ask how can I. Starting with the creative
template of I can. Now, how can I because I'm not sure how yet. alright, what position is the switch
in now? On. We have just powered up our brain to go create the answer to that. Creative templates. These
are what give your brain the instruction of where to go next. I've got three more techniques for you.
But I just can't wait till the end to give you a special gift. My book, Pathological Positivity
helps you to understand why these techniques work. And this book can be yours for free.
Just go to the URL that's on the screen right now, drpauljenkins.com/freebook. And I will put this
in your hands. You just pick up the shipping. I'll pay for the book. Sound like a good deal? You're
welcome. Now, let's get to technique number three. Practice saying I've got this. There's a powerful
reason why this works. And this dates back to some research that was done in the late 1980s
by Dr. Richard Bednar, his colleague Dr. Scott Peterson. And I think there are a few other
collaborators. The reason I know this is because I was in graduate school, and I was working with
these men. They published it through the American Psychological Association. And blew the roof off of
what we already knew about self-esteem. See, what these researchers found is that our self-esteem
is not tied to our achievements, or even to how people treat us. It's tied whether we see
ourselves taking on problems or running away from them. When we avoid or try to stay away from our
problems, we take a hit to our self-esteem. When we take it on, it boosts our self-esteem. That's
a quick version of what these researchers found and it had a profound industry-shaping effect on
how we think about self-esteem. The phrase that I just shared with you is a technique. I've got
this. Doesn't mean that you know all the answers. It doesn't even mean that you will successfully solve
whatever problem it is you're taking on. You just need to see yourself taking it on. And check this
out. You have a 100 percent track record so far of handling everything that's come up in your entire
life. How cool is that and why would that ever change? You've got this. Practice saying I've got
this. Because it's true. Here's technique number four, create and Implement physical prompts for
some of the things that we've already talked about. Like the technique that I just shared with you. You
practice saying I've got this. What if you were to print that up on a card? I've got this. Right there
on a physical card and then you post that on your mirror so that you see it every day. Or what if you
just write it out on your mirror with a whiteboard marker or lipstick or whatever you have so that
it's right there in your face is a physical reminder or prompt. Here's another one that I have
my clients do sometimes. We often have negative thoughts about ourselves or about our family or
circumstances. What if you were to take five beans? Like, just dried beans out of a package you can get
at the grocery store, and you put them right here in your right pocket. And every time you catch
yourself saying something negative about yourself or about your family or your circumstances. You
take out one of those beans and you say something positive. And then you put it in your left pocket,
then you take out the next one. And you say another thing that's positive. And then you put it in your
left body. And you move all five beans practicing saying those positive things about yourself or
your circumstances every time you catch yourself with a negative one. And now, the next one that
comes up, you move them from the left pocket to the right. It's a physical prompt or reminder. And
it's just a good way to start programming your brain. Reprogramming really, because it's already
programmed to go a certain direction. We're just taking a higher level of choice and control over
the thoughts. Another one that I've used sometimes is taking a routine that I'm used to and switching
it up. For example, I always wear my watch on my left hand. If I wanted to remind myself to
do something differently. I might take it off of my left hand and put it on my right hand. This doesn't
feel right to me so that becomes a constant reminder through the day of whatever it is that
I'm trying to prompt myself to practice. I've saved this last technique for the last because I think
it's one of the most powerful ones. Hire a coach, enroll in a program, invest in yourself, subscribe
to a podcast. Why? Because you're not supposed to do it alone. Look, we get trapped in our own thinking
all of the time. And sometimes the hardest place to change our thinking is from within our own
head. When you hire a coach. When you subscribe to a podcast. When you enroll in a program and
truly invest in yourself. You're inviting other people to help you take a higher level of control
over your own thinking. And it's one of the most powerful things that you can do for your personal
development. If you're not even sure who to work with. Pick me! I would love to help you with
this. We have set up coaching programs. I've got this YouTube channel. We've got a Podcast. There's
lots of available to you from me. Now, you don't have to use me. But find someone who can help
you to get in control of your own mind. Because either you drive your thoughts or your thoughts
will drive you. I hope that you found this video helpful. Remember the free gift that I offered
you? Because I want to give you a copy of my book. You pay the shipping, I'll send it right to you. Go
to the URL on the screen, drpauljenkins.com/freebook and I'll send it right out to you. Sound good?