Oh my Goooood.
Yeah, I forgot today was our buddy Gus's birthday.
The reason I said "Oh my God,"
is because I forgot until right now.
So.
Now, I don't feel too bad about forgetting.
This is Gus.
He's 14 years old and has the receding hairline of an 87-year-old waterdog.
I did, however, wish I was there to question him about something extremely important to me.
How the guy manages to get on Trending every single day.
Thankfully, I had Alfredo there to question him for me.
And... demonetized.
Ah, the arcade.
Good times here as a kid.
I had a crush in 5th grade named Clinelia.
And I won her one of those tiny basketball hoops you put on the back of your door.
She hated me. And she hated the gift.
But joke's on Clinelia because that prize was for me.
But joke's on me. I hate basketball.
Not really an appropriate time to rub it in, especially on Gus's birthday.
I hoped he was having a good time.
He's a very fragile man.
I had too many questions. But the one that keeps coming to mind is:
who the fuck is this guy?
Thank God I didn't go.
That guy looks like a vibe killer.
Sorry, I meant child killer.
He looks like a pervert.
Aaand, there we go.
Screencap.
Let's see if the magic to getting on Trending is having Gus in the thumbnail.
I have to say I was pretty impressed.
But that quickly faded.
I bet you're thinking to yourself,
"How can anyone bring a massive camera into any establishment, and act like this, and not get kicked out?"
Well here is your answer.
Now, this doesn't happen often, but when it does, we usually have a line of defense.
The first line is hoping that maybe they don't recognize that it's a video camera.
He knew it was a video camera.
I could see the look of disappointment in Cib's face.
Thankfully, the man fell right into our second line of defense.
I could see the hope in Cib's eyes returning.
Because we always have the same excuse.
And it always works.
Except this time.
Usually Cib takes it the worst when we get kicked out of any place.
And he always handles it the same way.
He mocks whoever kicked us out. And he uses the same voice.
He was losing control. He even took it out on Gus.
Ahh. Just a step above an Affliction shirt.
Nice.
The boys decided to move on to the next outdoor activity:
Baseball.
And to be honest, I kind of was jealous.
I've always wanted to play baseball, but, when I was a kid, I had a friend, Kyle.
We played baseball together until I turned around,
and he threw his baseball bat at the back of my head.
Years later, Kyle was in prison for assaulting a man for drug money.
My mom reads the newspaper from our town.
I don't go out of my way to find out this information.
I'll be honest. Alfredo texted me telling me that they were all playing baseball.
And since I was jealous, I headed over their way.
I just hoped that Cib wouldn't cut Gus's birthday party short.
The good news is that I just got there.
At that point we'd forgotten completely that Gus was in the car.
Aw, nah, dude!