Let's begin with climate change.
It's the gradual disaster
that will eventually wipe us out
if we don't take it seriously.
Think of it like oatmeal.
You know, you wash your bowl right away, no problem.
But if you leave it in the sink,
by the time you come home, you'll have a new roommate.
And if the world does end,
there's one group you cannot blame, scientists,
because they keep warning us every single day
to wash out our bowl.
TV REPORTER: Chilling warnings out in a new report
that says, if we want to save the planet,
we need to change what we put on the table
and how we produce food.
TV REPORTER: About a quarter of greenhouse gases
in the last decade came from food, farming and land use.
TV REPORTER: Think about it this way, half a pound of beef
causes as much greenhouse gas to be emitted
as driving 55 of these cars for one mile.
Some good news, possibly,
if we get rid of red meats in our diet,
if move toward vegan lifestyles,
if we change how we're using the land,
we might be able to reverse that damage,
but the clock is ticking.
So either the world ends
or we all become vegan.
(laughter)
I mean, we've had a good run.
Let's be honest, huh?
We've done this Earth thing, I mean...
-Yeah, it's-it's good. -(cheers and applause)
We're done.
What more is there to see?
And, like, don't get me wrong,
I think we should all be eating less red meat
if it will save the planet, but, at the same time,
if we turn into a planet full of vegans,
that's not a dream scenario.
The hot air emerging from people
bragging about how good they are
will heat up the planet even faster.
It'll just be, like, seven billion people like,
"Hey, guys, the ice caps are melting
"and I only use hemp. Ah.
Ah."
Also, it's mind-blowing to learn
that producing half a pound of beef
puts out the same greenhouse gas
as driving 55 cars for a mile.
That is insane.
I guess the only solution
is that we have to drive cows.
Yeah? Yeah, think about it.
And then we get to eat them when we get to our destination.
Two birds, one stone.
Yes. Instead of valet parking,
we can have filet parking. Eh?
How you like your car? Medium rare, please.
In other news: emojis.
A few years ago,
they were a cute way to end your relationship
but now we use them to say so much more.
We can use emojis to say we're going on vacation,
you can tell someone that you're busy at work,
and, of course, everyone's favorite,
that you found human remains in your backyard.
Well, now the emojis are so next level,
they can even help you get into a gang.
TV REPORTER: The New York Post reports gang members
are using seemingly harmless symbols to recruit
in order for people to carry out crimes.
These cute little symbols can take on sinister meaning.
The gas pump, for example,
is a universal symbol for "gang."
So if you post this gas pump,
that means you're going into gang mode.
Two thumbs up with the knuckles facing each other
is a sign of the Crips.
And their rivals, the Bloods signal their affiliation
with the magician's top hat.
And if they really want to taunt their rivals,
they'll livestream video
from their opponent's turf on Snapchat,
and that practice is known as cyber banging.
Cyber banging.
(laughter)
You can see when he said "cyber banging,"
the first thing that came to his mind wasn't a top hat emoji.
He was like, "Cyber banging. Uh, banging."
Yeah. So this is the new world.
Gangs are using emojis.
The top hat emoji means "Bloods."
That is crazy,
'cause it means Abraham Lincoln was in the Bloods.
And Mr. Peanut.
How deep does this go?
Also, just a random question.
Why does the gas pump symbolize "gang mode"?
Like, aren't you in a gang full time?
But what does that mean, "gang mode"?
What is it, like, part-time gang members?
Just like, "Yeah, man, I picked up
"a couple extra shifts with the Crips this weekend.
Got to pay off this student debt."
Like, what does that mean?
I also wonder if gang members ever get confused,
right, when they're texting each other.
Do they send someone a text and then the other guy's like,
"You got some beef that's heating up
and you want me to wipe him off the planet?"
The other guy's like, "Nah, man, I'm saying
"we need to eat less meat or global warming
"will destroy the environment, man.
"I take this shit seriously.
I take it seriously."
(cheers and applause)
And finally, speaking of criminals,
former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich
is back in the news.
He was sentenced to 14 years in prison
for trying to sell a vacant Senate seat.
But, fortunately for him, Donald Trump likes him
and is thinking about giving him a presidential pardon
'cause he said he was treated unfairly.
Yeah. And you know what? This might explain
why Trump is so into criminal justice reform.
All of his friends are locked up, huh?
He's just like, "I want them back. I miss them!"
And, now, you might be wondering,
how does Donald Trump even know
this corrupt politician, Rod Blagojevich?
Well, was he helping him set up secret Russian meetings?
Or did he help Trump with some tax evasion scheme?
No, it turns out they were both on the same reality show.
Want to ask this one question. Your Harry Potter facts
were not accurate. Who did the research?
♪ ♪
Um, I-I feel like I knew the product.
In fact, I wrote a lot of the text.
It's Slythering, and it's Hufflepuff,
and it's, uh, Ravencloth, and it's...
So are you responsible?
I think... I-I think we did not win.
Rod, you're fired.
Wow.
(laughter)
You know, I don't know why,
but after everything, I think the thing
that would actually freak me out the most about Trump
is if he was actually an expert on Harry Potter.
That would, like, break my mind.
I wouldn't be able to accept that
if he just came out one day and he was like,
"I say send her back!
Expelliarmus!"
I'd be like, "No.
I-I'm not willing to accept that."
(cheering and applause)
I just wouldn't.
All right, that's it for the headlines.
But before go into our main story,
all of this week, everyone has been asking,
"What can we do to try and end gun violence?"
And for a lot of politicians, the solution has been
to do something about video games
because they've said that violent video games
have the power to influence people to commit murder.
And that got us thinking,
if video games are so persuasive,
maybe video games could even inspire politicians
to do something to end gun violence.
That's why The Daily Show made a new online game
called The Legislator.
Made it in one day.
License to Bill.
-(cheering and applause) -Right.
And... it's all about...
it's all about trying to get gun control through Congress,
and Mitch McConnell is the final boss, right?
So, uh, lawmakers and everybody else,
go check it out at DailyShowLegislator.com
You can play it with your friends
or, if you're Ted Cruz, by yourself.
Who knows? Maybe it'll even inspire people in Congress
to go out there and actually write some laws.