(Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston)
Wiz: The future.
Everyone wants to see it and why not?
It has robots, flying cars and of course, superheroes.
Boomstick: Yeah the future still has those but they're even cooler 'cause of all the sweet gadgets.
Wiz: Like Terry McGinnis, the Batman Beyond.
Boomstick: And Miguel O' Hara, the Spider-Man from 2099.
He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who will win...a DEATH BATTLE!
Terry McGinnis was your average futuristic high school student.
Boomstick: He went to future raves, complains about future problems, had a future girlfriend, yeah, you know the usual.
Wiz: Until one fateful day when Terry got into a fight with a group of Jokerz.
Boomstick: What's he got against comedians?
Wiz: No, no a gang called the Jokerz you know like the Joker.
Boomstick: Ahh but with a "Z" 'cause it's the future.
Wiz: Well naturally.
After possibly the most dangerous motorcyle chase ever put on television.
Boomstick: Nah it's cool he's got a helmet.
Wiz: Terry found himself inside an isolated mansion owned by an elderly billionaire named Bruce Wayne.
Here he stumbled upon the most important revelation in his life.
Boomstick: Bruce Wayne is Batman!
Oh, what a surprise.
Well more like he was Batman, he'd retired from crime-fighting years ago cuz y'know age is a bitch.
Wiz: Wait a minute after decades of secrecy a punk teenager just happened to stumble into the Batcave?
For crying out loud if you found my secret lair he'd been vaporized on the spot.
Boomstick: Yeah.
Anyway Terry's rollercoaster of a day still wasn't over.
Turns out his dad got murdered.
Terry: Dad?
Dad!?
Boomstick: Bummer.
So he did what any emotionally-charged teen who wants to avenge their dad would do.
He stole the Batsuit.
Wiz: But not the old cape and cowl of yesteryear.
This was the latest and most advanced Batsuit.
Terry McGinnis didn't just become the All-New Batman.
He was Batman Beyond.
Boomstick: You ever wonder what would happen if Batman got ahold of an Iron Man suit?
Is basically that.
And damn he looks freakin' rad.
Wiz: The Batsuit's nanotechnology greatly enhances his strength, and provides several thin yet strong layers of ballistic and environmental protection.
Boomstick: And he can fly!
He can soar faster than a speedin' future car, and he's really nimble in the air.
Plus he can always give his punches and kicks a literal rocket boost.
Wiz: The suit sports over two dozen other gadgets for combat and espionage.
He has a wrist mounted grappling hook that can extend over fifty feet.
There's a cloaking device, a lock decoder, finger microphones, climbing claws, an underwater breather, thermal and binocular vision.
Extendable spikes on his arms, flash bang grenades, triple weighted bolas, a buzz saw, and even...
Retractable tweezers.
Boomstick: Splinters are no laughin' matter, and don't forget all those sweet, sweet Batarangs.
These new age ninja stars are even sharper and more compact than before, and they come in a variety of delightful flavors.
Like explosive, ensnarin', and electrifyin'.
Terry's got a solid throwin' arm, and can even disarm multiple opponents with a single shot.
But if he's feelin' a bit lazy, he can always just use his arm launchers to fire batarang disks.
Wiz: Also, when anyone gets in too close, the whole suit can act like a man sized tazer.
The electric shock is strong enough to stun people spliced with animal DNA, and short out heavy machinery.
Boomstick: But the tools don't make the man, er, Batman.
Terry's a master martial artist, with plenty of trainin' from legends like former Robin, Dick Grayson, totally real ninja Kairi Tanaga, and the former Dark Knight himself.
Once he got over the kid stealin' his suit, of course.
Wiz: Bruce Wayne doesn't just serve as Terry's mentor, he's also a constant source of advice and information on the go through his direct link to the batsuit from the batcave.
Boomstick: Good thing, too, since Terry's not exactly the world's greatest detective.
At least, not compared to the old man.
Wiz: Bruce is extremely intelligent and an expert analyst.
Plus the batcave has some very impressive technology, not only does it host one of the most powerful supercomputers on the planet.
It's also completely dependent on it's own hydroelectric power supply and isolated network.
Boomstick: Still, I don't care who Bruce used to be.
Havin' an old guy barkin' orders in your ear sounds annoyin'.
Like your dad's always lookin' over your shoulder.
Or at least, I imagine, cause I didn't have one.
Wiz: Well, Terry is Bruce Wayne's secret son.
Boomstick: WHAAA?!
Wiz: In an effort to ensure there would always be a Batman.
Government boogie-woman Amanda Waller had secretly overwritten Warren McGinnis' reproductive DNA with that of Bruce Wayne's.
Boomstick: So, like he was just blastin' Wayne babies?
It's like all the fun, but you could get out of any child support case.
And bonus, I guess Terry's father technically wasn't murdered, good for him.
Also, he's got all the benefits from Bruce's kickass genes.
Wiz: Even before going through combat training, Terry was a skilled fighter, strong enough to send opponents flying with a single punch.
Boomstick: In the suit, he's strong enough to lift large I-beams and this giant boulder.
Wiz: He's even survived getting his leg trapped under Bruce Wayne's trophy penny.
Boomstick: What's so special about a penny?
Wiz: Just look at it.
Boomstick: Holy colossal currency, Batman!
Wiz: The penny's diameter is easily 20 feet wide, and is frequently dated from the 1940's, this means the penny is likely composed of bronze, and weighs around 166 tons.
Boomstick: That's more than enough to crush all the bones in your foot.
But not Terry, he was up and at'em like nothing happened.
I mean, this guy's tough enough to take a missile to the face and then fall hundreds of stories.
And all he got out of it was a couple broken ribs.
What's a penny as heavy as thirty three monster trucks gonna do?
Wiz: He's quick enough to dodge gunfire, skilled enough to defeat lizard people and the Justice Lords.
In a newer suit, he could fire concussive pulse blasts and even outraced an intercontinental missile.
Which can reach speeds of up to 15,000 miles per hour, that's over nineteen times the speed of sound.
Boomstick: He's still no Bruce Wayne, though, he's kind of a punk and doesn't have the amazing smarts or expertise of Batman classic.
Waller: You don't quite have his magnificent brain, for instance.
You do have his heart, though.
Wiz: Maybe not, but he has accomplished feats equal to his predecessor, like fighting Superman and ending the Joker threat once and for all.
Clearly, Terry McGinnis has more than earned the title of Batman.
Mr. Fixx: You're pretty strong, for some clown who thinks he's Batman.
Batman Beyond: I am Batman!
Boomstick: So, here's an unfortunate spoiler, the year 2099 kinda sucks.
Wiz: Plagued by a massive civil war between humans and mutants, the world fell into a dystopian ruin of violence and anarchy.
The Heroic Age had come to an end.
Boomstick: But some people still wanted a sequel,
Wiz: Enter Miguel O'Hara, a child prodigy turned super genius with a penchant for genetic tinkering.
Boomstick: Miguel's skills landed him a job at one of the biggest companies in the world, Alchemax.
Where he got to work tryin' to rebuild one of the greatest heroes of all time, Spider-Man.
Wiz: Specifically, he attempted to replicate the DNA of Peter Parker, the original Spider-Man.
But like most of the twenty first century's superheroes, not much remained of Parker outside of stories and legend.
Miguel had to build his experiment from scratch, starting with a single, simple spider.
Boomstick: Unfortunately, Alchemax didn't have the greatest job security.
After a lot of bad blood and some spilled blood, Miguel wound up accidentally getting a dose of his own creepy crawly project.
Wiz: Transforming him into the Spider-Man of 2099.
Boomstick: But future Spider-Man isn't quite the same as your grand-pappy's Spidey.
Wiz: That's right, apart from the superhuman strength, speed, durability and improved healing, Miguel's powers are entirely different.
Unlike Parker, he can't actually stick to any surface, he can still wall crawl though, using retractable talons on his fingers and toes.
Which also make for fairly deadly weapons in a fight.
Boomstick: And he's got fangs like a vampire!
If he bites you, he can inject a venom that can paralyze your whole body almost instantly.
Also, he may not have Petey's trusty spider sense, but his sense of sight, smell, and hearing are super fine.
He can hear noises from miles away, see in the dark, and make out far off and fast movin' objects with ease.
Wiz: In fact his senses are so acute he wears tinted glasses to keep daylight from hurting his eyes.
Boomstick: And like any Spider-Man he can shoot webs from his hands.
Wiz: Miguel doesn't need compact web shooter device on his wrist.
He actually has organic spinnerets on his arms which create and release stick, durable strings of webbing.
Because they're natural these strings are chemically identical to spider silk.
With a tensile of strength similiar to steel.
Boomstick: EWW!!!
Ok the original Spider-Man always kind of grossed me out but this guy's powers are disgustin'.
Wiz: I think Miguel would agree with you.
Boomstick: Well, yeah.
One day he just your average dweeb doin' sciency stuff like you and the next he's got big lumps on his arms which shoots sticky stuff.
Who wouldn't be weirded out?
Wiz: Miguel saw his newfound power as a curse.
A blight which turned him into an inhuman freak of nature.
Boomstick: But that didn't stop him from fightin' crime.
Complete with his own Spidey suit.
Wiz: His original costume was made from unstable molecules.
Allowing the use of his talons without tearing the fabric.
He also wears a web like cape made of Light Byte which lets him glide to the air.
Boomstick: WHOA! Lite-Brite I remember that.
Man did they still have that in the future?
And did they find a way to stop you losin' those little pegs?
Wiz: Light.
Byte.
Boomstick: Ehh, whatever.
The suit looks pretty cool so I hate to spoil the mood but is actually just a Run of the Mill costume from a Day of the Dead festival.
No really.
Wiz: Though after meeting the present day Peter Parker Miguel received a much needed upgrade.
His new suit contains synthesize unstable molecules fabric mixed with Kevlar.
Greatly improving his defense.
Boomstick: This suit can survive a shot from a Howitzer artillery cannon.
A common M770 military Howitzer fires 92 pounds shells at 2,200 feet per second.
That hits with over 100 tons of force.
Wiz: Miguel's even taken a hit from the Thing.
A hit which shatter a tempered glass window and send Miguel flying over two dozen feet.
Boomstick: And the new suit has explosives, hologram projectors, infrared scannin' and it's even got wings.
And rocket boosters on the feet.
Wait that's sounds familiar?
Wiz: Miguel maybe a genius but he's at his best when he's working with his holographic assistant LYla.
Or the LYrate Lifeform Approximation.
Boomstick: She's basically like the future Alexa with a bunch of extra features.
She keeps trackin' Miguel's life signs and surroundings.
With LYla scanners and his super senses anyway would've have a hard time tryin' to sneak upon future Spidey.
Wiz: While LYla was originally built as a home appliance she can be stored on Miguel's portable communicator.
She can act as an onboard lie detector and do advance calculations to the 20th decimal in a milisecond.
Which is flipping amazing.
Boomstick: Fun fact LYla's appearance was based on Marilyn Monroe.
RAWRRR!
Wiz: Not that anybody in 2099 seems to know who Marilyn Monroe was.
Ok seriously how did they lose so much information in less than a hundred years.
Remember kids always back up your files it'll prevent the apocalypse.
Boomstick: Well lucky for them Miguel got over his emo face and started settin' the future back on track.
And he had the skills to do it.
Wiz: He's quick enough to dodge gunfire, tough enough to take a shotgun blast to the chest.
Resilient enough to tank electric shocks and strong enough to rip a 20 ton turret of a tank.
Boomstick: More than that he helped another Spider-Man keep this giant buildin' piece in place.
What even is that!?
Wiz: Likely some sort of antenna.
But it also resembles the Mooring Mast atop the Empire State building.
Boomstick: Back when everybody thought zeppelins were the hot new thin'.
Because who doesn't like ridin' giant flammable balloon filled full of explosive gas.
Sign me up.
Wiz: Assuming it's composed of steel and roughly estimating its size compared to the Spider-Men on the roof.
Then comparing to the Empire State building Mooring Mast this should weight at most 200 tons.
Boomstick: So basically Miguel's a badass.
And he proved it in the most epic way possible.
After rebuildin' the world with Captain America Miguel inherited the most legendary weapon of 'em all.
Mjolnir.
Wiz: Although Thor's hammer didn't actually granted him his warrior powers.
Miguel didn't use it as a weapon but as a prove of his authority.
A literal symbol of the decidal wait he alone could carry.
With his dominance asserted Miguel created the utopian future a person could only dream of.
Boomstick: And you thought Peter Parker was cool.
This Spider-Man is at the top.
(Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston)
Wiz: All right the combatants are set.
Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: But first the future is now in the form of Blue Apron.
Grandpappy Boomstick always said: "That nothing in life is better than good food and makin' somethin' with your own two hands."
And Blue Apron is both those things combined.
Wiz: Blue Apron is the #1 fresh ingredient and recipe delivery service in the country.
All ingredients arrive right to your door guaranteed fresh and ready to cook.
Boomstick: It's better than eatin' fast food plus It's affordable; Blue Apron is less than $10 per person per meal.
Wiz: Choose from a variety of recipes and get the meals that sound good to you.
The ingredients are purposely proportioned and the instructions are easy to follow.
I mean even Boomstick can do it!
Boomstick: Hey, watch it! Or you're not getting any to the next meal I make when it arrives.
Wiz: Well then I'll make the crispy wild Alaskan Pollock and garlic mashed potatoes with roasted broccoli and tartar sauce myself.
And if you're worried about variety? Don't bother recipes are not repeated within the year so you'll never get bored.
Check out this week's menu and get $30 off your first order with free-shipping by going to BlueApron.com/BATTLE
Boomstick: You'll love how good it feels and taste to create incredible home-cooked meals with Blue Apron.
So don't wait.
Wiz: That's BlueApron.com/BATTLE
Boomstick: Blue Apron a better way to cook.
But right now... IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Bruce: McGinnis!
Keep an eye out.
I've been seeing some odd reports regarding this part of the city.
Batman Beyond: Hey bozo,
I was brooding there!
Spider-Man 2099: Who the shock are you?
Announcer: FIGHT
Spider-Man 2099: Right back at ya Batty!
Hey LYla, give me a reading on this vampire guy, yeah?
LYla: Of course, Miguel.
I can't identify his tech or fighting style.
But I can try hacking the suit.
Bruce: He's too comfortable in the air!
Try a different approach.
Get to ground level.
Spider-Man 2099: Rgh!
I can't move!
Damn!
That hurt!
Bruce: Something's trying to hack your suit.
Our new friend, no doubt.
Spider-Man 2099: How's the hack going?
LYla: (sighs)
Nowhere fast..
Bruce: Get in close and finish this quick!
Batman Beyond: No prob!
Spider-Man 2099: Can my fangs pierce his suit?
LYla: I think so.
Spider-Man 2099: Then I'll finish this myself!
LYla!?
LYLA!
the boom goes oof
Batman Beyond: Aaand...
Problem solved.
Bruce: I guess that's one way to do it...
Announcer: KO
Boomstick: Ahh, I never get tired of seein' people blow up. It's always such a blast.
Wiz: Thanks to Bruce's council Terry used his flash bang to take advantage of Miguel's sensitive eye sight.
And it's electric shock could short out large machinery to deal with LYla.
Boomstick: Yeah unlike Bruce the poor girl wasn't really built for combat.
And while her hackin' skills were top notch the isolated Batcave had the better defenses to hold her off.
Wiz: Even still Terry's stats edged out Miguel's in more ways than one.
Boomstick: When it came to maneuverability and durability there were mostly even.
Both could dodge bullets and weave through the air.
Both could survive heavy ballistics hits.
But unlike Terry, Miguel's never outraced anythin' faster than a Mach 19 ballistic missile.
Wiz: For physical strength, Terry had him beat too.
Recall that boulder he lifted underwater, this took place in Superman's Fortress of Solitude near the Arctic.
So the boulder was likely composed of sedimentary dark limestone, the most common rock type around that location.
So we compared Terry's height to the boulder, applied the density for limestone, and subtracted the weight reduced by underwater buoyancy to find the boulder's weight to be 192 tons.
Boomstick: And he tossed it aside like it was nothin'!
Terry's peak strength in the Batsuit has to be more than 200 tons!
Wiz: Assuming Miguel applied his fair share when holding up that antennae, his best feat strength that we know of is at max 100 tons.
Boomstick: But he's a Spider-Man!
Spider-Men can lift more than that, right?
Wiz: Not usually.
Technically Miguel's powers are so different from Peter's that we really shouldn't scale him to other Spider-Men.
But for the benefit of the doubt, let's do it anyway.
Boomstick: We'll check out two of Spider-Man's most impressive strength feats.
The first is when he braced a private jet when it was landin'.
Look at him!
He's literally the landin' gear.
Wiz: According to Spider-Man himself, the plane's total weight was at most 115,000 pounds.
Adding the thrust of a Wintle W1 engine which this small jet is most likely to have a comparable engine to, this feat comes out to 58 tons.
Boomstick: Not even close to Terry's 200.
Then there was this one time Spidey had to push WAY past his limits to lift what he offhandedly compared to as a locomotive.
Since he could measure the plane, it's likely he's accurate here, but given the time period, that's still only 130 tons at most.
Wiz: It's clear Terry had a pretty sizable physical advantage, and just because Terry's mind wasn't as fine-tuned as the original Batman's didn't mean he's dumb.
Boomstick: Even more, Miguel never trained like Terry did, hell he never really had much formal training at all.
But Terry was trained by ninjas, stealth artists, and other crime fighters to be a master in the battlefield.
And since Miguel didn't have a Spider Sense, Terry just had to wait until the untrained future Spidey left an opening.
Wiz: In short, while Miguel wasn't completely outmatched, Terry's superior strength, counseling, equipment, and training won the bout.
Boomstick: Turns out this Batman was beyond him.
Wiz: The winner is: Batman Beyond.
Ben: Stick around we're about to announce the combatants for the next DEATH BATTLE!
Chad: And if you wanna watch the exclusive commentary on this episode click that little box over there and start a FIRST membership trial.
Ben: You should try grab one of these shirts too.