Welcome to "Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend."
Joined as always by my steady compatriots
Sona Movsesian, my assistant,
who does little or nothing for me.
And Matt Gourley.
You do a great job, Matt,
by the way. That fuck.
I hate to draw a wedge between the two of you, but-
Yes you, you love that.
Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you and I won't accept that until you
compliment my friend Sona Movsesian.
Sona, you're very good
(Sona vocalizing)
at being famous for doing nothing.
You've written a book about it.
Accept it.
Yeah.
I mean, he's not wrong.
Yeah, yeah.
But it just, it just stinks-
You're the Picasso of screwing around.
I am very good at it. (men laughing)
I've been good at it my whole life.
You are.
But I think when you start off like that
and then go to Matt and say, "Oh, you're great."
Oh, he just nails it. It just stinks.
Okay. Nails it, nails it.
I was the Picasso of nailing it.
Exactly.
(Sona laughing)
You know what's fun is we just,
before we were recording,
there's guitars in the studio today.
And so I picked up an acoustic
and started screwing around with it.
And then you picked up an acoustic Matt
and started playing and it was kind of fun,
and we never do that.
No. We never play together.
And I started joking around that it would be amusing
to me if suddenly the format of this show changed to you
and I playing kind of mediocre
to okay acoustic duos together.
And Sona just quietly listening.
Yeah, no musical ability, none
We'd still book great guests.
And they would come and they'd be out in the hallway
but we wouldn't ever bring them in.
(Sona laughing)
And it would you,
you and I just doing this stuff.
And then of course our overlord Adams Sachs
would keep coming to us and saying,
"Guys, the numbers are really,
the downloads are just tanking."
And we're like, "Hey man, we're just,
we're making some great music together
and we're just really enjoying the vibes."
Do you talk?
That's me talking after a couple of-
Hits of helium.
It changed.
Some helium and a mixture of helium
and "Sweet Sweet Mary Jane."
(all laughing)
But you and I just noodling.
And then you'd be like, "Oh yeah, here's one from,"
♪ Amie, what you gonna do ♪
And we're just playing and.
♪ I think I could be with you for while ♪
♪ For a while, maybe longer if I do ♪
And we were doing that kind of stuff
and people were really getting turned off by it.
But you and I we're having a good time.
How long would this last before?
A day?
Well Adam, jump in here. A day.
You're a,
Adam I want your actual opinion of when,
how quickly would we be shut down as a podcast?
Be honest.
I think the first few episodes,
the numbers would probably be okay.
People would think it's a joke.
Just because think it's a joke?
Yeah, they wouldn't really understand
and then by episode four or five,
people would start to say,
oh I guess this is what the show is now.
I'm not interested anymore.
Yeah, thank you.
That was generous, episode four or five?
Yeah. And also that they're
just like I'm not interested anymore
rather than fuck this.
Yeah right. Fuck this shit.
Violently angry.
Also, keep in mind, we're still,
I'd insist that we still book,
'cause we get amazing guests.
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
And we'd still,
people would say like you know, whatever.
Who, who?
Oh well you mean like the Tom Hanks?
Yeah, Tom Hanks is here and he's outside
'cause we booked him and he's ready to talk,
and he's got some funny stories he wants to share.
I guess technically we could still put Tom Hanks' name
on the episode.
Yes. Right.
Oh no, no. Exactly right.
It would still say like,
our guest today is Tom Hanks.
He's out there.
We'll get to him in a second.
(Conan vocalizing)
♪ Amie, what's the matter you ♪
No. What was your song?
♪ Amie, what you gonna do ♪
♪ I think that I could be with you ♪
(Conan vocalizing) I gotta get out
of this band.
I would love it if there was a musician,
a really well known musician who wants to join you guys.
Oh, we don't let him in. (Sona laughing)
Right. Oh, we don't let him in.
No, so James Taylor.
James Taylor is in the hallway.
He's been booked and he hears Matt and I playing
and he's like, oh well they're as,
for amateurs, they're okay.
I'd like to go in and help them.
Nah, we're good buddy.
We're like, we got it.
We're good.
Why don't you run along Mr. Fire and Rain.
Thanks a lot, sweet baby Jane's.
We got it covered.
Why don't you skedaddle, we got this.
(Matt laughing)
Hey, is Carly Simon single?
Yeah, woo!
But I just love that.
And then Adam occasionally, like,
I think Tom Hanks is about to leave.
We're like, let him go.
(all laughing)
We don't need him. (all laughing)
The hill you're gonna die on.
And then I'm, yeah.
And then I'm just like,
"Matt, why don't you just start us out and see,
and I'll do some finger picking
and then it'll be kind of a blues progression."
And you're like, "Yeah, Tom just got in his car
and he is leaving.
He's looked pissed."
And I,
you never see Tom Hanks pissed,
but he's pissed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then you're like, well man, you know.
And this is?
These are original songs?
They're not even songs people know?
They have to be,
'cause you couldn't clear the music.
So otherwise-
Oh, we couldn't of cleared the music?
These aren't original songs, these are highly originals.
Highly original, yeah.
Oh that,
the Amie one, that I've never,
that's a, is that I song I know?
I know I was sort of riffing off
of the famous song Amie by.
♪ Amie what you wanna do ♪
♪ I think I can be with you ♪
♪ For a while, maybe longer if I do ♪
That's quite a well known.
Is that famous?
I don't know that song.
Yeah. That's a quite famous song.
I mean that sounded good. Here, play it.
Play it just for a second.
I know we can't clear it.
Hey man, I can't clear it.
A-M-Y?
Don't anger me.
(all laughing)
Eduardo.
Just a couple of days to spell it.
♪ Amie what you wanna do ♪
I can't believe no one knows this song.
I do.
♪ I think I'm in love with you ♪
I'm shocked Matt doesn't know.
I don't know it, yeah.
♪ For a while, maybe longer if I ♪
♪ Longer than ♪
Maybe if I hear the real version.
Yeah I mean,
look I'm not.
(Sona laughing)
Did I say?
I think it's by the,
is it by the Pure Prairie League?
Yes, Pure Prairie League.
Oh right.
It's A-M-I-E.
A-M-I-E
Yeah, it is actually.
It's spelled A-M-I-E. Oh.
Yes, exactly.
And what did you say?
I said, is it A-M-Y? Right,
and I said don't anger me. (all laughing)
'Cause obviously it's A-M-I-E, Eduardo.
No way. Oh no.
So guess what?
Chalk up another one for Conan Never Wrong O'Brien.
You're out of the bag.
(all laughing)
God Eduardo. (all laughing)
Wow.
When you said A-M-Y, I was like,
um yeah, Eduardo,
A-M-Y.
God, I'm never wrong.
Yeah, I'm with Conan,
because if it was spelled that way,
the song would go.
♪ A-M-Y, what you gonna do ♪
Just play a second of it. Just think about it.
(finger snapping)
I do know this song.
Now I do. Awe, man.
Now I know it.
Now we can't play any of what we're hearing right now.
Is that right?
Probably not.
We'll have to talk to the mailman about it.
Just a second of it.
Maybe a few seconds. Here we go.
Here we go.
We gotta get to the chorus.
There's just so much guitar.
This is the kind of music we'd be playing, Matt.
Yeah, for sure.
It's like skiffle folk.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm gonna get you to the chorus.
That's spelled C-H-O-R-U-S.
Yeah, that's K Chorus.
K-O-R-U-S.
Got it. Asshole.
God no one can spell around here.
Here we go.
♪ And I named ♪
(Conan vocalizing)
Never heard this song.
Never heard it, never.
Never heard it. Oh yes, I've heard it.
You've never heard this song?
I've never heard this song in my whole life.
I'm not so sure I have either.
♪ For awhile, maybe longer if I do ♪
You were just like-
Oh, this I know.
Okay. Yes, all right.
Okay. No idea.
Yeah, this one really-
Okay listen, Pure Prairie League.
That's the kind of music that you and I are gonna play.
It's real hip.
(Matt laughing)
Real hip new music. 1972.
Okay, I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not.
I'm being very sarcastic.
I still can't tell.
It's not even. I have face blindness.
It's even 70s music everyone's heard.
No, no.
My point is,
that's the kind of music that Gourley and I
would really dig down into.
We'd make our own versions of it.
♪ Oh, Cynthia ♪
♪ You were always were my girl ♪
♪ Oh Cynthia ♪
♪ I think of you as my pal ♪
♪ As my pal ♪
♪ When will you lay me down in bed ♪
Is that someone who's infirm?
Yeah.
That's someone who? Uh-huh
♪ Would you please carry me to the toilet ♪
♪ Would you please lay me on the bowl ♪
♪ My legs are numb and I'm incontinent and I'm afraid ♪
That kind of song?
Um-hmm.
♪ Shitting out my guts is my goal ♪
Yeah, there you go.
Yeah. See you and I
are the Lennon and McCartney of awful something.
Nope. That terrible thing.
But I think you mean Vladimir Lenin.
Yes, yeah.
And Linda McCartney.
(all laughing)
I will always defend Linda McCartney.
I love that woman.
She's very cool. So will I.
I'm saying, we're good.
What I'm saying is that's the kind of music.
It would be all originals and we would do that.
It's bad.
Book big guests and they would leave.
Now Adam,
how soon before the big guests stopped showing up
when word gets around town that Hanks showed up,
but was turned away 'cause we were playing our shitty music?
You know James Taylor was turned away from joining us.
They showed up to promote something
and to talk and they didn't get on the air.
How soon would?
Would the word get out?
Oh, instantly.
In the podcast community. Yes, I would.
And you think that would be a negative
for us in terms of booking future people?
It would, we'd have to talk to Paula and Gina,
and the other bookers,
but I think it would happen very quickly.
The publicists,
the publicists really talk about this stuff.
Well hear me out,
what about a live show where we announce the guests
and the guests shows up,
but Conan and I just play on stage
and the guests never comes on stage.
And they can leave whenever they wanna leave.
But once they go in that room,
technically they were there for the show.
Yeah. Oh.
Yeah, their name is going on the episode.
Yeah, they're name is on the marquee,
and the name's going on the title of the podcast.
I think what Adam is saying, and I don't disagree.
My guess is once we continuously evict top talent
from our show without letting them speak,
word would get out.
You will never know until we do a year of this.
No.
(Adam laughing)
Wait, what am I,
what am I doing?
Am I just sitting there?
You, you're sitting and you would contractually
have to nod.
Like man, you-
Contractually have to.
You would make me pretend to enjoy it.
Contractually have to nod and sort of be like,
and occasionally you'd have to say,
"Man, you guys are in a good groove."
No.
Yes. Hard pass.
You have to,
a raise if you say it.
No honestly, there's not enough money in the world.
$175 every time you say you guys
were in a really good groove,
cash. God,
you guys are in a really good groove.
Yes! Oh!
Eduardo, yeah. Eduardo you're a sell out.
Cha-ching. You're a sell out.
And guess what, You just lost a sweet gig to Eduardo.
Okay. Eduardo knows how
this game is played. Awe, sweet gig.
And that 175 comes out of your paycheck.
Exactly.
Praise or pay. (Sona laughing)
Yeah, it's right praise or pay.
Praise or pay.
Which is our next song.
(all laughing)
Let's go into it.
♪ You've got to praise or pay ♪
Yeah, I love this.
Look, I don't think we're gonna do this
'cause I love the format we have.
Yeah.
But I do have a sickness,
which is I always think of and we've,
I think we've talked about this,
what's the worst thing I could do?
Yeah.
And.
(Conan laughing)
This one is up there. That's close.
This is really up there. Yeah.
We have a nice thing going here with this podcast.
This would tank it really quickly.
Yeah, it would.