♪ There's no stars, there's no sun ♪
♪ No time off for anyone ♪
♪ There's no clock on the wall ♪
♪ There's no end to it all ♪
♪ Everyone's on overtime ♪
♪ And there's no overtime ♪
♪ Oh, your -- life is weighed ♪
♪ On a good/bad divider ♪
♪ Oh, there's much too much to grade ♪
♪ For a cynical decider ♪
♪ This is hardly working ♪
♪ This is hardly living ♪
♪ This is my job ♪
- Well, I guess the check cleared
because we did another one.
Hi, there, my name's Tony Purgatelli,
this is Purgatory, and you're dead.
Your name is JJ Allens?
- Guilty as charged.
- It says here your occupation's listed as a musician.
Hey.
- I'm more of a performance artist.
- Uh, huh. Yeah, okay.
- And when I get tired of screaming
hate-filled screeds at the crowd,
I pull down my pants- - Oh.
And I shove the microphone right up my own ass.
- Oh, god, okay.
All right. - And then I pull it out
and I shit all over the stage.
- Oh, god, no.
Oh, jeez.
Well, I mean if the audience was into it-
- They were not.
- Was the music at least good?
- Oh no.
It was terrible.
- Maybe there's like, I don't know,
another side to you?
- No.
Everything I've told you is 100% me.
- You sound like
a real piece of shit, JJ. - (laughs) Yeah.
Just gonna type it in here,
"piece of shit",
I mean, I tried but, - Yeah, yeah.
goddamn it.
You know what, I'm just gonna go ahead and type that twice.
- Yeah, there you go.
Piece of shit. - Piece of shit.
Yeah, okay, maybe a third time.
- [JJ] Piece of shit.
(laughs maniacally)
- What's up there, buddy boy?
- This client comment card I got,
one star?
He said I was rude, he said I was abrasive.
Lacking empathy?
Jesus, what a fucking prick.
- Tony, Tony, Tony.
We ask some clients to rate their case workers
so we can become better at our jobs.
Better at serving them.
Well, so you can be better, really.
I'm already better.
The better-est, in fact.
(sighs)
- Oh, I freaking hate you, Chad Bradley.
- Was was that, Tony?
- I said I highly rate you, Chad Bradley.
- (laughs) Oh, speaking of high ratings,
check out my comment cards, Tony.
Five stars, five stars.
Five stars, Tony. - Oh, I remember that guy.
Wasn't he a serial killer?
- That's right.
And by the time I was done with him,
he was ready to go to Hell.
- Man, Chad Bradley, I think you really understand me.
Maybe you're the first person to ever understand me.
And I love you, Chad Bradley.
Hey, who's that motherfucker giving me the evil eye?
- Oh, god!
- Oh, that's my coworker Tony.
He's, you know, kind of rude, abrasive, lacking empathy,
but he's okay in my book.
- Any friend of Chad Bradley is a friend of mine.
- Oh, no, I don't need any friends.
That's fine, thanks.
- My best friend.
You're my best friend now, Tony.
- Oh, god. Oh, fuck.
All right, thanks a lot.
Enjoy hell.
Yeah, that guy was a real scary motherfucker, Chad Bradley.
- Yeah, Tony, but I got to know him.
And I made that trademark Chad Bradley connection.
You've got to find that nugget of humanity in every soul.
Do as the Chad Man does, you know?
- Yeah, but that JJ Allens guy,
the only nugget he had
probably fell out of his ass on the stage.
- Tony, if you're happy, they're happy.
That's what I always say.
Look at this.
I'm gonna write a comment card just for you right now.
It's from your buddy Chad.
It says "Five star friend."
- All right, I-
- This isn't actually a legitimate review, though.
It's not an official document.
In fact, you'd better give that back, Tony, just to be safe.
- Oh, okay. - All right, Tony.
Good Chad chat.
Glad we had this time together.
(smooches)
(knocking)
- [Death] I know that short, fat, bald little knock.
Tony, goddamn it, what is it?
- Hey, hey, Death, I got a problem
with one of my coworkers. - Yeah, well,
I've got a problem with one of my employees,
but I don't come down to you about it.
Why do you bring all your problems to me?
- Yeah, so Chad Bradley and me, right,
we do the same job and I'm really trying here.
Trying to get to know my clients,
and they're still giving me one star reviews.
Chad Bradley's clients are all "Thank you, Chad Bradley.
"Five stars, Chad Bradley.
"I can't wait to get raped by a demon, Chad Bradley."
I can't take it! - Is there a reason
you don't complain to your actually superior, Jeremy.
- 'Cause Jeremy's fucking terrifying.
He's just a demon made of eyeballs.
- Hey, he's right there, Tony. - Oh, fuck!
God, sorry.
Oh, Jeremy, you got to,
you can't sneak up on a guy like that.
- [Death] Okay, so spit it out, Tony.
What do you want me to do?
- Can't you move Chad Bradley to another department,
or on a different floor?
In a different plane of existence or-
- [Death] Tony, Chad Bradley has been here
a lot longer than you.
Technically, he outranks you.
- Wait, wait, wait.
There's ranks? You're ranking us?
- [Death] It's not an official ranking.
It's more of a personally ranking of who I like best.
But oh man, let me tell you,
is Chad above you.
Chad's not going anywhere, Tony.
You might as well get on the Chad Train.
- The what? - The Chad Train.
It goes Chadley Bradley, Chadley Bradley, Chadley Bradley,
- Chadley Bradley, - Stop, stop.
- Chadley Bradley, - Stop it.
- Chad Brad! - Oh, fuck,
that was terrifying.
Why'd you do that? - Bottom line, Tony,
is that the only way you're getting away from Chad Bradley,
is if he requests to transfer away from you.
And he won't because Chad Bradley likes everybody.
Even you.
Fuck if I know why but-
- Hey, bossman.
I remember that you liked red velvet and-
- [Death] Chad Bradley!
A little cake? You shouldn't have!
Oh my god!
- Just wanted to show my appreciation.
Love you, Boss.
Oh, hi, Tony.
Love you too, buddy. (smooches)
- [Death] (smooches) Love you, guy.
Anyway, like I said-
- Yeah, like you said.
If Chad Bradley requests to move, then no more Chad Bradley!
- [Death] What? No.
You're twisting my words.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And if I make Chad Bradley dislike working near me,
then perhaps I can- - Tony, I can hear you.
I can hear you scheming
right in front of- - All I have to do
is make Chad Bradley hate me,
and then it's adios, Chad Bradley.
- [Death] Tony,
are you forming a plot? - Oh, I'm gonna get that guy-
Are you plotting office hi jinks?
Tony, if you do one hi jink, - It's like three dimensional-
I swear to God. - Oh, I can't wait.
Tony, don't do any hi jinks! - Bye, bye Chad Bradley.
- Okay, so how to piss of Chad Bradley so much
that he wants to transfer?
He's so freaking positive, (notification)
my horrible clients!
Who can I pass off from my workload to his
that'll absolutely destroy him?
Social media celebrity?
Oh, Chad Bradley, just wait to you meet Sugar Beav!
- All right, what's up, wankers?
Sugar Bear here,
and today I'm gonna show you an exciting new way
to show your muff off.
- Oh my god.
There no way he'll be able to handle you.
- Yeah, mate.
You love it.
You want a bit of this pudding?
Take a closer look, you filthy fucking wanker!
- Chad Bradley's gonna hate you!
And then he's gonna hate me!
Here she come's Chad- - You're a cock wank.
Fat little cock wank.
Cock wank! You're a proxy cock.
Like share and, subscribe.
- Oh, fantastic! (camera clicks)
Hey there, Chad Bradley,
I need your help with a client.
- Lay it on me, Tony.
How can the Chadster make your day a little less bad-ster?
- Okay, well I go this one client, you see.
I just can't seem to relate to.
I can figure her out, and I'm just too bad at my job,
too not enough Chad Bradley, I guess.
- Tony, if being not enough like Chad Bradley was a crime,
I'd be the only free man in the universe.
Send me the problem client.
- [Sugar] You're fit, you fucking bellend.
- (laughs) Aw, you flatter me.
My name's Chad Bradley.
And you are Sugar Beav? - Sugar Bear.
I had to use a V instead of an R because that was taken,
but it's still Sugar Bear, you fucking wank.
Wank!
- [Chad] Sugar Bear! - I got your V right here.
Why don't you dip your chips in it, you fucking spiv.
- All right, you pissant titwanks.
Say hello to your new pal, Chad Bradley!
- Aye yo, aye yo! What it do?
It's your boy, C Brads. - And it's me, Sugar Bear.
Coming to you live from the other side.
- What's going on here?
- Look at this fat little shit.
What a wank knob! - You use the most
colorful language, and I find it charming as all heck.
- All right, that's it for now!
Bye, bastards!
- Well, this has been a really fun experience, Sugar Bear.
I've had a great time getting to know you,
but I think it's time we wrap this up.
- You're fit.
You're a fit cunt, you are.
And you're a fat cunt. - Oh, what?
- All right, well lovely to meet you.
Bye! (smooches) (screams)
- Oh man, Chad Bradley.
She was the worst, right?
I mean, I bet she's got you rethinking your whole
employment situation here. - Tony,
I want to thank you for bringing Sugar Bear to me.
She was a bit of handful at the start,
but once I turned on a bit of that old Chad Bradley charm,
I cracked her wide open.
Hell was the best fit for her, and she agreed.
- Oh, really glad for you, Chad Bradley.
I'm glad it all worked out.
- Tony, don't think for a second
I don't know what you're trying to do.
- (mutters) - You're challenging me
to become a better case worker.
I appreciate every opportunity for personal improvement.
Love you, buddy.
- Oh, god, Death's right.
Chad Bradley's never gonna hate me.
He's too nice!
He doesn't hate anybody!
What if the whole office hated him?
- Hold on, buddy.
I left something behind.
(smooches) There it is. - Oh, god.
- Aw, we're all out of coffee. - Again?
- Oh, yeah, so it turns out it that it was Chad Bradley
that got rid of all the coffee.
Sure, he poured it all in the toilet.
You can go in there and see it.
- You know, Chad Bradley's right.
I need to cut back on caffeine.
- I'm switching to orange juice.
- Hey guys, there's free coffee in the toilet. (sips)
- Oh god. - Can you believe it?
- I can't believe it. - Who would do this?
- Who does this? - Who sent this
disgusting memo?
- Oh, yeah, the memo.
I got one of those too.
Looks like Chad Bradley sent everybody
a picture of his butt!
- It's so disgusting!
You can see the hole!
- No, it should just be a butt actually.
Chad Bradley's butt.
- What a hideous asshole!
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
I'll just take all these so that your eyes are assaulted by
Chad Bradley's butthole anymore, okay?
- [Death] Chad Bradley, my office!
Now!
- Oh, boy, here it comes!
Chad Bradley's gonna get it!
- [Death] So, Chad Bradley.
Been busy today?
- Busy as a beav,
a bee!
- [Death] I heard about the toilet coffee thing
and I thought "Hey, maybe Chad Bradley
wants the office to switch to orange juice."
- I'm a big fan of Vitamin C.
H-A-D that is.
- Then I got the butthole memo.
That's when I knew. - Oh, knew what?
- [Death] That it was you, Tony!
- [Tony] Oh, fuck!
- Tony?
- [Death] You know I have all my employee's
butthole prints on file, Tony!
- No I did not know that. - It was clearly yours.
You haven't had the pleasure of seeing Chad's butthole.
- No, never.
Not as of yet, I-
- [Death] It's immaculate, Tony.
It has perfect radial symmetry.
It's like it was laser cut in solid marble.
- I squat down on one shot glass of bleach a day.
- Oh, god.
- This- - Well, yeah.
Well, it's mine. It's my-
- It's your butthole, Tony. - Yeah.
- And it's gross. - It's the worst.
- It Tony's butthole? - Tony's butthole?
- I can't believe it! - Guys, guys,
we all hate Tony's butthole!
Let's form a single file line, and tell him to his face.
- Tony, your butthole
was the worse thing I've ever experienced.
- It gave me nightmares,
and I don't even sleep. - It made me hate my butthole.
- I think it was probably not so bad if my eyes were closed.
- [Death] Your in deep, deep trouble, Tony.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
I'm the worse.
I'm the one that tried to make Chad Bradley hate his job
so he'd ask for a transfer and-
- [Death] What are you doing, Tony?
- If I was a big, angry mob, I'd probably shout stuff like
"Hey, get Tony out of here,"
and "We want Tony in a different department
"where Chad Bradley isn't in."
- Yeah. - We want Tony
in a different department. - Get the fuck out of here,
you disgusting rude- - Tony, you son of a bitch.
- Hold on, everyone.
Wait just a second before we all start dog piling
on sweet, little, short, bald, sweaty Tony.
You see him as a frustrated little wad
of misguided aggression, but I see something else.
Spunk, moxy, determination.
Tony saw something he wanted to change
and he went for it, goddamn it.
I think we can all learn a lot from Tony's
'get up and go' spirit.
I don't want to be farther away from you, Tony.
I want to be closer to you.
I want us all to be closer to each other.
- [Coworkers] Aw.
- [Death] I didn't think I could cry,
but you proved me wrong, Chad Bradley.
- Goddamn it, Chad Bradley!
(gasps)
- Chad Bradley still has his underwear
from are company picnic signed by the whole staff.
(cheering)
- [Coworker] Chad Bradley, you really do love us!
- Oh, I do, I do.
I love you all!
Look at my underwear and know that I do!
- [Coworker] You're the man, Chad Bradley.
- Hi, there, Chad Bradley.
Look I just wanted to say,
oh. - Didn't you hear, Tony?
Chad Bradley's gone.
- Chad Bradley is gone?
After all that?
What happened?
Did he actually request a transfer?
- [Chad] No, Silly!
- [Tony] What?
- I was promoted to angel! - Oh.
- I have powers now.
Check it out, I can go big, small, big, small.
- Oh, no, God, Jesus.
- I can fly too, and play harp.
(guitar screams) - Well, please just tell me
you're here cleaning out your desk.
Getting your stuff so you can be gone forever to heaven.
- Oh, Tony, time is irrelevant here and has no meaning.
I've been in heaven for, what, gosh,
seems like eons.
Well, I'm back and better than ever.
You know, I may have magic powers,
but nothing beats wonderful companions.
My little Tony, friendship is magic.
This may be Purgatory, but with you guys,
this is my heaven.
- Go fuck yourself, Chad Bradley.
- What was that, Tony?
- I said "Good luck on your shelves, Chad Bradley."
- Oh, Tony, I should put all my trophies on shelves.
- [Tony] Hey, there, it's me, Tony.
If you want to see a another episode just like that one,
but different, click here because that's where they are.
There's more, there's eight, and here's one of them.
(jubilant rock music)