I do think that you have
some distorted perceptions, and you're not
being your own best friend. And I think you have
an internal dialogue that's very scary.
I think you say very scary things to yourself,
and I think you have anxiety because
you represent the world to yourself
in a really scary way. And, what you are seeing
when you see rage from him is really not rage.
Because, I've said this many times.
When you see anger from someone
it's nothing more than an outward
manifestation of hurt, fear, frustration.
So, why does it express as anger?
Because anger is the get them before they get me response.
If you're angry, you go through life like this.
You know? You're dukes are up and
you're protecting yourself and so
that's the safest emotion that they can perceive.
But, when I see you sitting on the bed
yelling at your mother saying things
that are completely illogical, it just tells me
that's a fear response. It's a frustration response.
And, I think you're selling yourself short.
If you, if this was happening to
your best friend, and your best friend
was going through life scared to death
what would you tell your best friend?
Suck it up. - You'd tell your best friend
believe in yourself, right? - Yeah. - Come on. - Mhm.
What do you think about what I'm saying to Mike?
I like it. - Does it make sense to you?
It makes a lot of sense to me.
And do you hear him saying that he's telling you
that you're not a very good listener
I do hear him saying that. -Yeah
I think he's right. And, I think
the reason you're not a very good listener
is because you're not seventeen.
And, so you don't know what's important
to somebody that's seventeen and so it's hard.
You come in and say "How's your day?"
and by the time he answers you're kind of onto
something else, when it might be
really important to him at the time.
And, it's real hard for parents to listen
to a kid say what's going on and not
judge it instead of just hear it.
Because, you're a problem solver right?
Yeah. - You're a mom. You're maternal.
You're a protector. You hear it and so you want to fix it.
That's true. - And, sometimes
he doesn't need it to be fixed
he just needs you to hear it, he needs you
to be a soft place to fall. And, when you
start problem solving, then he
feels like you're judging him.
But, here's what I think. I would offer you
the opportunity to do. I think it would really help
you if you hit the reset button here.
And, I'll tell you what that looks like.
There's a place that I think you deserve
to have in your life. There's a working
ranch that I know about, uh, called Turnabout.
And, I mean this is a real working ranch.
Uh, real values are taught. They create
real lasting change, and they combine
therapy with academics and hard work.
They work with horses. They work with all kinds
of things outdoors. And, they really work with
students and kids that are struggling
where they are, to let them be very selfish
and put themselves at the top of their list
for a period of time and kind of
get themselves re centered and back on track.
And, I'm willing to make that available to you.
I don't want to do it to you, I want
to do it with you. I think you
deserve that chance to reset things
for you, and I think you would absolutely
love it. I think you would find
yourself there. I think you would find
your leadership there. I think you would find
everything about you that you've lost.
And, I think in a short period of time
you would leave there and say " My life is back on track."
And, I'm willing to make that available
as my gift to you if you're willing
lean into it and do it. - I would, sir.
What do you think? - I would. I will.
Fair enough. - Thank you. (applause)
I think you deserve it. - Thank you sir.