So I'm online.
Online dating, turn up.
Whoop, whoop.
That's where it's at.
Look at y'all lying.
Y'all, don't lie.
Y'all can admit it.
Don't be shy.
Because if you single in 2017, you don't have to be.
You just lazy.
There's too many dating sites.
Come on, y'all.
It's too many.
eHarmony, Cupid, match.com, BlackPeopleMeet,
fucking OurTime.
Y'all never heard of that, huh?
That's for old people.
OurTime is for 60 and up.
OurTime.com.
I'm thinking, naw, motherfucker, your time is up.
OK, like?
You shouldn't be meeting people online.
You can't get chlamydia.
Your old ass immune system, you will die tonight, all right?
You can't handle gout and gonorrhea.
Bitch, you gone in three hours.
[laughter]
Your old ass immune system can't take no STD.
What do you-- what do you mean?
You need old diseases.
Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, that's your body.
Polio, I don't know.
You cannot get the crabs.
You gone.
OurTime.
But no, there's more sites.
There's more sites.
There's OKCupid.
Farmers Only-- what the hell is that?
Farmer's-- what the hell?
Who?
Who is giving these people internet?
Like, when is Comcast going out to barns, hooking up Wi-Fi?
How are they online?
They got a whole commercial.
And it's dope, too.
It's catchy.
[singing] You don't have to be lonely at farmersonly.com.
Right?
It sound good.
You be singing it at work.
[singing] You don't have to be lonely at farmersonly.com.
What?
Bitch, where the remix?
That is hot.
You don't have to be lonely.
I'm thinking, yes, you do.
Nigga, you a farmer, OK?
You chose that life, all right?
You know how many bitches live in the city?
Move.
What are you doing?
Move.
Who's coming to your barn, sir?
Who got gas, OK?
It's a tornado warning.
Who coming to your barn?
That's a funnel cloud. Who coming?
Who? Who?
[laughter]
Who coming?
Damn.
So I went.
OK, oh, yes.
And it was amazing.
Hello?
There are some good farmers out here, ladies.
Do not typecast.
Oh my God, yes.
I was drunk one night.
That commercial came on.
I'm like shit, I don't have to be.
[laughter]
Oh, I put it right in my GPS.
Oh, I'll be an hour and 48 minutes, Bob.
I am on my way.
Whoo, stay up.
Stay up, nigga.
I'm coming.
Don't go to sleep.
Yeah.
But it's crazy.
The crazy thing about when you go on to smash a farmer,
if you miss your exit, bitch, you
gotta go 42 miles out your way.
You hear me?
But you can see the damn barn from the side of the highway.
How do I get over there, Bob?
I'm not going-- I drove straight through them crops.
Fuck this.
Look, I'm here.
Forget these potatoes.
Forget this cow.
Forget this chicken.
I'm here, Bob.
Not thinking about these crops.
I made it.
Nigga, I made it.
Oh, and it was so worth it.
Not only was he good.
He's a good lover, very romantic,
but I get so much food.
What?
So much milk.
Are you kidding me?
[singing] You don't have to be hungry at farmersonly.com.
What?
Come on, y'all.
I got beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes.
Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it.
What?
Smush it like a food pantry.
What?
Come on, Bob.
Get you one.
farmersonly where it's at.
I love it.
If y'all wanna look me up on Farmers Only my profile page
is Mlikthesenipples32, yes.
So much farmer action.
Killing this Farmers Only.
[laughter]
Yeah, I get real.
It gets real, real.
I loved it, though.
I love it.
This Is amazing.
I love LA.
I'm trying to move out here.
It's a beautiful city.
You guys are some beautiful people.
Give it up for yourself.
[cheering and applause]
Oh my God.
Yes.
LA treats you good.
Y'all beautiful.
Y'all nice.
Y'all let me rent a car with no license.
Come on, somebody.
What?
How I do that?
How I get that car?
Oh my God.
Yes, y'all don't give a damn.
I'm not supposed to be on these streets, OK?
They gave me a nice car, OK.
This is wonderful.
Oh my God.
I can't be the only one suspended.
Somebody, who feel me? Somebody feel it.
I know I ain't the only--
I feel a suspended spirit right over here.
Suspended.
There's a suspended spirit right over here.
I'm not the only one, yes.
Oh my God, I have license envy.
If you valid, ooh, I hate you.
People with valid license think they better than you.
You not, and I'm so mad.
I've been trying to get my license back for three years.
Three years.
They will not give my license back.
And it's not even my fault. It's not even my fault
that my license suspended, OK?
Like, no.
Suspended license run in my family, OK?
Like this-- I don't have nothing to do with this, OK?
I was predisposed, you hear me?
This is in my DNA.
They passed the down.
Everybody suspended.
My daddy was suspended.
My grandma, she suspended.
I went to ancestry.com.
I swear to God, the whole family tree--
suspended, suspended, suspended.
My ancestor, suspended papers.
Everybody suspended.
They never-- I think they gave me my license suspended.
[laughter]
That was hereditary, yeah.
And then I'm so mad, because they
ask you that stupid question.
When you go get your license, they always say, oh,
you wanna be an organ donor.
I'm like, hell yeah, put me down.
I wanna be a hero.
But guess what?
Whoever get those liver, they shit gonna be suspended, too.
I swear to God.
Soon as you get out of surgery, ma'am, you going to jail,
all right?
That's not a valid liver, OK?
That's a DUI liver, ma'am.
That's a DUI liver.
You're welcome, all right?
And you might have a warrant.
[laughter]