What happens when 800 of the world’s most elite footballers
and their managers live together under one roof?
Players stop being polite and start getting...
Real.
This is The Champions.
-After facing Manchester City
our players stopped being polite and started getting
real sad.
-Yes, my first season was a great success. We won the double.
-I thought you only got one trophy.
-What are you talking about?
The League Cup and getting rid of Ronaldo. That's two.
-Oh now Arsenal qualify for the Champions League? Ugh.
-See, I didn't Messi to win another Champions League.
I just needed seven years, a billion dollars,
the most prolific striker in the world,
and zero FFP accountability.
-Ugh, I'm sooo tired.
[weeps]
-B. 9.
-Present.
-That's not how you play the-
[cracking]
Oooo-wee!
-Does anyone else have a ringing in their ear?
It's nonstop, ya know? Like a...
refs whistle.
[creaking] -Uh uh
[crash]
[phone ringing]
-Sorry guys, I gotta take this.
I’m trying to find a new bench to sit on.
[phone ringing]
-Huh. Why is Ronaldo calling me?
-He called me too. I didn't answer.
-Same.
-Poor guy.
I think he's just lonely and wants to be part of the conversation.
-Oof. Things really have changed since the World Cup...
[slurp]
-Ahhhhh.
[muffled cheering]
I never get tired of this view.
-Leo, you've everything you could possibly win.
How are you feeling about your big move to the M.L.-
-Sh sh sh.
I'm just trying to World Cup and chill.
You feel me, bro?
[grunting]
-Ahhhh. -Ahhhh.
-Hey, no hard feelings right?
Aren't these things great?
-Oh yeah, I take mine everywhere.
-Me too. I can't sleep without it.
-Guess who's back? Back again?
Yoooo!
Eminem in the house, boi!
-Wait. Where?
No, I mean us.
M - N - M.
-Ugh. Even his jokes are flopping.
-Yo, let me sweat with you guys.
-Uhhh, I don't think you fit the dress code.
-Look guys, can I say something?
It's cool you both have World Cups now, but...
I kinda feel like the odd striker out.
-So, you're saying you're just not as good as we are?
-Uhhh. Did I?
I'm not?
-Wulp! You said it, not me!
-Hey Kylian! Kylian!
Check this out. It works as a hat!
-Oh, that is top cool! Let me try!
[silly sounds]
[sighs]
[silly sounds]
[glass wipe]
[phone ringing]
-Yo?
-Oh my gosh, Neymar! You picked up! How are you?
I've been thinking about you so much!
-Uh, why? We barely know each other.
-HAHAHA classic Neymar.
You're hilarious.
Hey! I was just thinking...
what if you came to visit me in Saudi Arabia?
We could play a match, pad our stats...
-But I'm injured.
-Honestly, it doesn't matter.
Here they let you just stand on the pitch and collect money.
It's great.
-Yooo, that sounds dope!
Let me pick up my sister, and I'll be right over!
-Excellent.
I'm looking forwards to it.
[hangs up]
-Yes! Yes! Somebody likes me man!
-Soon the mansion will be all mine.
[diabolical laughter]
What happens when 800 of the world’s most elite footballers
and their managers live together under one roof?
Players stop being polite and start getting...
Real.
This is The Champions.
-At Dortmund, we are innovators.
We have found unprecedented ways to totally blow it.
-Zlatan very much enjoyed the new season of Ted Lasso,
especially Zava who is cleary the central hero of the story.
-Sometimes life is so stressful
I wish I could just be my Call of Duty operator
and frolic through a warzone without a care in the world.
Just me and my best friends
Pineapple_Sauce, KeefBlaster420 and anon67024318.
-Hey Todd, how do you feel about Chelsea
missing the Champions League next year?
-Ah shoot, did I forget to pay that?
Who do I make the check out to?
[coins jingling]
-Well.
I can honestly say
I have no regrets...
Right, Marcelo??
[gasp]
Remember our cool best friends handshake we had?
Hoo- Ha-
Siuuuuuuu!
[laughs]
Hey!
You stay out of this Leo!
Always ruining my fun.
Me? I'm great. Peak of my career. Why do you ask?
[squirt]
Oh, yeah, that's the stuff.
[honking]
Huh?
[gasps]
[struggling]
Neymar!
I can't believe you're here,
this is so exciting,
come let me show you around!
So here's where they print the money.
Over here are my Ronaldbros
in case I need to bully someone into deleting a tweet.
You know how that goes.
And this is my cryogenic chamber so I can live forever.
Oh, ignore the mural.
The Saudi's are really trying to make Newcastle a thing.
-Why is it so empty? There's like nobody here.
-Oh, they're coming. Mark my words.
Soon this place will be crawling with superstars –
like this guy!
You know...
What's your name again?
-David Ospina.
-David Ospina!
-Spraining my ankle in the World Cup
was less painful than this, man.
[slurping]
[slurp]
[swallow]
-More protein tea?
-Nah, I'm good.
-So...
what do you like to do for fun?
-I don't know.
Football?
-Oh yeah, me too, me too.
Um...
When's your birthday?
-February 5th.
-Shut.
The [bleep].
Up.
My birthday is February 5th!
-Yoooo!
That's crazy!
We share the same birthday?
-No, you share my birthday.
-Hold on, what's your sign?
-Aquarius.
-Me too!
-On the count of three,
what hair style did you have when you were in your best form?
-One -One
-Two -Two
-Three -Three
-Frosted tips! -Frosted tips!
-OHHHHHH! -OHHHHHH!
-Yo, I never realized how much we had in common, man.
I'm so glad you called me!
-Wait, what?
-Yeah like two days ago when you called me,
invited me to Saudi Arabia
and said like I'd get free money and shit.
-Uh, what are you talking about?
I never called you.
[silly noises]
[phone ringing]
-Hello? Karim the Dream?
-This is the Dream speaking.
-Dream! It's Ronaldo!
-Stop calling me!
I'm not coming to Saudi Arabia to hang out with you,
I'm only coming for the money!
-Uh oh, sounds like someone's still mad
I didn't come to their Ballon d'Or ceremony.
-What is up with your voice? It sounds a little...
French.
-What? French?
I- I- I have no idea what you're talking about.
[turning]
Everyone is so mean to me!
I'm storming away now.
No more questions!
[hangs up]
Agh.
You may have taken the first leg, Karim,
but I will beat you on aggregate.
-Mr. Kylian! Sir!
Your plan is working!
They’re getting on the airplane!
-Yesssss.
Soon all the old players will fade into obscurity
and football's new world order can begin.
The GOAT rivalry...
is getting a reboot.
-What happens when two superstars
and a bunch of other players
live together in one big boujee crib?
Players stop fussin and start
bussin.
This is The Champions Next Gen.
-I may look adorable and sweet on the outside,
but on the inside
I'm humble and modest.
-Here's the thing about me:
I’m good, but I’m not cancel-out-all-of-Milan's-other-problems good.
-What was the worst part about my first season at Chelsea?
Waking up every day knowing I signed an eight-year contract.
-Pedri and Gavi are the future of Barcelona
-I can see you two.
-Whoopsie
[thud]
-Teehee!
-I can be your Champion.
-[Voiceover] All I ever wanted
was to score a humanly impossible amount of goals...
But what they don't tell you about football
when you're starting off your professional career at age five-
Is that there would be so much drama.
-You came.
Look at the old man...
I used to love watching him versus Ronaldo in La Liga
scoring goals for fun.
But now that Ronaldo's gone,
he's gone soft.
-I can hear you guys plotting to replace me.
I don’t care.
Have fun with your gritty reboot.
-Makes you wonder.
Would either of them have been so great on their own?
-Pep says I'm not allowed to wonder.
-Shhh.
My sweet Nordic nine.
Their rivalry made them stronger.
Just like...ours could make us stronger...
-But we're not rivals,
at least not until PSG do better in the Champions League.
-Yes we are, Erling!
I just need you to start acting like it.
Beef with me. Shit post online.
With the pressure we put on each other,
think of all the goals we could score.
-Ah ha!
-Step away from the Norwegian goal machine Mbappe!
You were behind everything!
Pretending you were Ronaldo
to lure us away from the Champions League
and make yourself the star!
And yeah, maybe I got more rich in the process,
but you betrayed my trust
again!
And I've got it all on tape!
[gasps]
-Ah, shit, wrong one.
Voila!
[gasps]
-Fine!
I admit it.
But I had to get rid of those old losers so that we could shine.
I can't be the greatest without you.
-See, he's using you, Erling.
Look how the Messi / Ronaldo story turned out for Cristiano.
-Hey, how 'bout you treat this like the France squad
and stay out it?
-I don't want any trouble here,
I'm just gonna stick to tap ins.
-Well then, if you won't be my rival...
I will make you my enemy.
[whistling La Marseillaise]
You know, you could always join me in Ligue 1.
Perhaps a loan to Lyon?
-Never!
-You'd never lose in Toulouse.
-They lose all the time!
-Well how do you feel about Lille?
You could get a nice payday in Marseille.
-Do goals even count if you score for those clubs?
-Ha!
Ugh.
Come out, Erling.
It's not like you to go hiding.
-Why are you doing this?
You know you'll never score as many goals as I do.
-And Norway will never challenge for the World Cup.
You will never be a true GOAT.
You're just...
a goal scorer.
-That's a shirt sleeve too far.
[French chuckle]
-Oi.
-Oh no, It's Newcastle all over again!
-Oh [bleep]!
[punch]
-Yes
Fight me, Erling.
Rival me!
-Not to worry lads,
Super Frank can fix this!
[flops]
Or not.
-Hey, are you enjoying The Champions Next Gen?
Then you're going to love
The Champions
Florida Edition
Woah!
-Now I let my soccer do the talking.
What happens when 800 of the world’s most elite footballers
and their managers live together under one roof?
Players stop being polite and start getting...
Real.
This is The Champions.
-Don’t worry, everything is going
according to my five phase plan.
Phase three was getting humiliated
by City in the title race.
Phase four is getting humiliated
by Bayern in the knockouts next year.
-Do I prefer playing for Chelsea
or the US Men’s National Team?
The National Team.
Because even though our coach was blackmailed by Gio's parents,
fired, and then re-interviewed for the job...
that’s less sloppy than Chelsea.
-Some people think I was in the wrong
for my rant on the way out of Tottenham. But-
did I lie?
-At this rate, we’ll be in the Champions League in no time!
-Yeah, definitely.
What is the Champions League?
-You know, Ryan?
I really don't know.
-Look! The Champions mansion!
We made it!
-Wow.
We really ran out of steam.
-Oooh to be back!
Huh.
-Ha! Stupid Gooners,
you fell right into our trap.
-We're taking you lot to the dungeon.
[door slam]
[harmonica]
-Wow. Billion pounds gets you a pretty nice dungeon, huh?
-C'mon Arsenal!
Huddle!
-Ok, we've trained for this.
Remember:
Edison invented the lightbulb.
Today I want to see a team that-
[glass breaks]
-Hey!
-Guys, quick!
I distracted them.
Nevermind, they have too many replacements.
-Teamwork only gets you so far against City.
[gasps]
-It's a real life ninja turtle.
-I tried to wage war with Haaland
so that we could make each other stronger.
But I had no idea just how strong
he would become under Pep.
I have...
created a monster.
-Yeah so, most league goals in a season,
most goals across all competitions
by a Premier League player in a season,
cutest braids on a Norwegian footballer, um,
most goals in a season for Manchester-
-Yes, he's unstoppable, we know!
[clanking]
[clanking] -Oh no!
-The Perfectionist is coming!
-Look alive, losers!
Jurgen, how's the hammy?
Erik, I thought I told you,
there's only room for one brilliant bald coach in Manchester.
Ah, Mikel!
So so soooo good to see you.
-You're smiling, but I know what you're thinking.
-I know you know what I'm thinking,
but do you know what I'm overthinking?
-I'm overthinking what I know you're overthinking.
-Ha! I wasn't thinking at all!
Hey, you want these?
You want to get out of here?
Whoops! Ha ha!
It's the hope that kills you.
-Let us out of here!
-I could, but you'd never make it past
The Beast.
-Kevin.
[pop]
[chugging]
-Um. Champagne?
Oh...
Hi Kylian.
-Hello, Erling.
-So how's that whole rivalry thing going for you?
[harrumph]
-Well. I must admit, you made me see
the importance of having a good team behind you.
Now!
[smash]
-Look out, they're loaded!
-Here's the deal!
The transfer window is open
and I will buy every player here if it makes me the GOAT!
-Please, these are all I have.
-Eh. Do whatever you want. We'll be fine.
-I finally understand, Erling!
It’s not about me and you –
it's about the team!
And I will be the greatest team that ever lived!
[diabolical laughter]
-Kylian, come on, we got to go.
You coming?
-Wait for it...
Wait for it...
-Bruv, come on.
-Wait
for
it...
-Ahhhhhhhh!