If you're like me, you occasionally have some new stuff
that you would like to try in bed, but how to actually bring
it up with a lover so that they are interested and open and at
least considerate of your idea can be really scary. And we
often catch ourselves or prevent ourselves from having the best
sex we could possibly have. Because we're not willing to ask
for the new things that we want to try. In this video, I am
going to give you a step by step guide for introducing new things
into the bedroom in a way that increases not just the chance of
them happening, but the chance of them being wonderful. Hi, I'm
Caitlin V, I am a sex and relationship coach. And believe
it or not, it has been hard for me to
if you have found yourself sitting across from your lover,
whether this is the second time you've made love, or the 1,000th
time that you have been together in bed, and you have wanted to
say something to them wanted to invite them into your private
inner world, your fantasy wanted to share something with them,
and it just got stuck, like for a year because you were afraid
or you had some shame around it or you thought oh my god,
they're gonna think I'm a kinky pervert and kick me out of the
bedroom and I'm never gonna see them. Again, you've ever thought
any of those things, I want you to know that you were totally
freakin normal, even I, a sex coach have had all of those
problems, and then some, which is why I developed this easy
step by step guide for introducing new stuff into the
bedroom. Step number one is, first know what you're asking
for. do your own research, at least enough that you have
familiarity with the subject when you bring it up with your
lover. For example, if you want to try shabari rope tie erotic
bondage rope tie, you may have a very limited level of experience
with rope tie, it's a really, really special skill, and you
absolutely do need to learn about it. Before you try tying
someone up. There's really good reasons for this. If you tie
someone at a point in their body where blood can get cut off, you
can actually cause permanent damage. And since we are in the
business of making sex better and not more painful or harmful,
it really makes sense for you to know what you're talking about.
You don't have to be an expert on the subject, it is enough for
you to have a general idea of what it is that you are asking
for. So that when your partner turns back to you and has
questions like Hey, is that dangerous? You have some
answers, even if they are very cursory to give them. Number
two, when it comes time to having the conversation first.
Ask your partner is now a good time. Say hey, there's something
that I want to talk to you about. It's super fun, nothing
to be worried about. But I don't want to bring it up. Unless you
have the mind space, the bandwidth the capacity to hear
it. Now, if your partner is like me, and anytime someone says,
Hey, I need to talk to you. They get triggered and go oh my god,
am I in trouble? Are you bringing it with me? Is this the
end? You can introduce it in such a way like, Hey, babe,
there's something really exciting that I want to talk to
you about but I want to be sure that you're in the right
headspace before I do so so is now a good time. Or when can we
schedule that conversation. This can be really tricky, but it is
so worth doing. Because the last thing you want to do is
introduce your kinky new roleplay fantasy, only to find
out that your girlfriend's cat is in the cat hospital with a
cat emergency and not the cat. I'm tired of actual cat like
Meow, Cat, cat, cat, cat, you want to make sure that the
person that you're talking to has the bandwidth to do they're
not like trying to finish a final report or paper or
whatever, they are going to be able to be present with you and
hear your request. Number three, give them the reason why you're
concerned or anything that you need to clear the air before you
say your request. So this looks like I really want to share this
idea that I have for us to try. But I'm really nervous. Because
I don't want you to think that I'm a freak, or I'm really
afraid to share this with you because the last time I told my
ex about this, they told me that I was a pervert and they really
hurt my feelings. So it's really tender for me to talk about
this. Or this might look like hey, I want to share this with
you. But I'm so nervous to say it out loud. Can you just
promise that even if you're a big no that you'll at least hear
me out clearing the air just acknowledging the thing that is
preventing you from speaking with full clarity force and
confidence is the best way for you to get that nervous tension
out of your body by acknowledging it before you
speak. This is also a great tip. If you ever do public speaking.
You walk on stage and you go wow, I'm really nervous. This is
such a big audience. You guys look really great. You're super
attractive, saying things like that helps to clear the air and
then you don't have to pretend that you're not nervous now.
Everyone knows that you're nervous. And everyone has been
nervous before. So we can all empathize with what you're
experiencing in that moment and invites the other person into
your inner world. Alright, so now we've asked them if now's a
good time, we've acknowledged the elephant in the room of our
emotions. And now we get to actually introduce the new thing
that we want to try in the bedroom. There's a bit of an age
old way of doing this, which is, came to me in a dream. I've
heard this over and over again, I have seen this in every advice
column, at least once you sit down your partner, you say, so I
had a dream, in which we were role playing, and you were a
soccer coach, and I was a naughty soccer player who needed
to be punished. And that's a fantasy that I have. And now I
think that we should try it out. If that feels comfortable for
you, you want to use the dream thing? Absolutely. Go ahead, do
it. There's nothing wrong with couching your request inside of
a world that makes it more Okay, more acceptable, more familiar,
but know that you're allowed to have kinky fantasies about
soccer coaches, and that you're perfectly normal for doing so.
And it's okay for you to just like start with that. You can
literally sit someone down and say, Okay, I'm really nervous.
But here's the thing. I think that I'm into bondage, and I
would really like to be tied up one time when we're having sex,
is that something that you would be open to doing? Which brings
me to step four, ask for their consent, you've already asked
for their consent to have a conversation. Now you're asking
for their consent to take the conversation even further.
You're not saying and you should not put the pressure on them to
decide right then and there. In fact, I think it's a great rule
of thumb to say, hey, you don't have to have an answer for me
right? Now, I really want you to think about this. But would you
be open to experimenting with a new toy in the bedroom, I think
I could have better orgasms. If I was bringing my vibrator in to
our sex play. You could think about it and get back to me,
this takes the pressure off of both of you, you don't have to
sit there and figure it out right then and there. You
actually get to separate go take your own time and really process
this new information. Or maybe they're just a big, yes. And
maybe you stripped down right then there and take the vibrator
off the charger and like get to work amazing, good for you. And
if it's a bigger request something new something way
outside of the bounds that you've existed in within your
relationship. Like, I really want to maybe bring a third
person into our bedroom. I've thought about the best way for
me to be doing that I watched this great video by Caitlyn v on
how to have a threesome. And it's something that I want you
to think about. And we'll reconvene and talk about it when
you are ready. This is the most respectful way. Because you
don't want to put someone on the spot. Often when you put your
partner on the spot. They're going to respond by saying no.
And it's just because they haven't had any time to actually
think about what goes into that request. And by the way, this
brings me all the way back to tip number one. If you're asking
for something like a threesome, and you have not done any
additional of your own thought work on what a threesome means
to you, then she might say you want to have a threesome with
another guy? Is that what you mean? Don't do some of them
either on Java through some with my friend that I think that
you're into and that I'm really insecure about. If you come in
and say hey, I maybe want to have a threesome, I think it
would be fun to just introduce that into our fantasy, we could
do some dirty talk about a threesome, pretend that there
was another woman in the room. See if we're both into it. And
if we're both into it, then we'll figure out together how to
take the next step to find that woman, the more information that
you have, the less catastrophic thinking that she's going to
engage in. And suddenly, this idea about having a threesome
doesn't feel so apocalyptic, because you've actually already
thought about the safest, easiest, most effective way to
introduce it. And that is what's going to give your partner the
best opportunity to actually say yes, and then for you to
actually get the thing that you are wanting, which brings me to
number five, which is reconvene and discuss again at a later
date. Don't try to make this happen. right then and there.
Pro tip. It is best to figure out for you and your partner
when the ideal time to have these conversations is for some
people. It is on a date over dinner for some people it is at
home in the privacy of your living room after having a glass
of wine. For some people it is immediately after the last time
that you had sex so you know you had great sex you're hot, sweaty
bodies are lying next to each other in bed. You roll over and
say hey, I have this idea for something I want to try during
sex. Would you be open to talking about it right now? I'm
nervous about bringing it up because I haven't known when is
a good time but I feel so connected to you right now. And
if you're alright with it, I want to try prostate
stimulation. I watched another Caitlyn Vee video. on how to do
a prostate massage, and I think it would be really great for us
to try it together. I've thought about some ways that we could do
that. If you're not comfortable with it, I'm totally okay. Just
let me know. See, it doesn't have to be that hard. Having a
step by step guide. And a script makes it a whole lot easier for
you to introduce something new into the bedroom. And then my
maybe most important pro tip on this is that no matter what your
partner says, You got to bring it up. You do no one, especially
yourself any favors by pretending that this isn't
important to you, if there's something that is important for
you to try in your sex life lesson you are only on planet
earth for a few short years. I know it doesn't always feel that
way. But this is a very limited time experience. And having a
body and having a mind that are capable of creating your sexual
fantasies or the things that you want to feel have or do in bed.
Listen, the clock is running out. This is urgent. And I'm not
saying that you need to call your spouse up while they're at
work and have this conversation right now. But do not wait.
hiding things, keeping things in the dark. And feeling shame or
guilt about things are recipes for disaster. And the longer
that that festers. That desire that you have that you're not
addressing, the longer that you feel that without bringing it
up, the harder it's going to be for you to actually bring it up.
And the harder it's going to be for you to actually get that
need. Met. So please your sex coach Caitlyn v here, begging
you, urging you to introduce new things into the bedroom, at
least have the conversation. Be open to being creative about how
you introduce those things. And I promise you, even if you never
do those things, your sex life will be better by you. Having
had the courage to bring it up to be vulnerable with your
partner to share that part of you with them. And hey, if it
doesn't go the way that you hoped, at least you tried and
now you have the information that you need to determine a
path forward, hopefully, so that you can eventually try that new
thing. If you need any help with that or you're curious about how
to do new things or what new things are available. Please
apply for coaching. There's a link in the description I and my
team would be happy to help you to figure out what new things
there are that you want to try and how to engage in those with
your partner. No matter if you are single or married or an
empty nester. We are here for you. We've got you, Caitlin
vimeo.com slash apply link is in the description. Thank you so
much for being here. If this was helpful, make sure you are
subscribed to this channel so that you know how to do all that
great new stuff that you want to do. And I will see you here next
week.