[FaPTiB Theme Music]
Ok so we just arrived here in Beijing
We're not
We're giving a presentation about like, audiences and stuff like that
[Clappity clappity clap]
It's Beijing!
We aren't here to actually play so
No, we're here for work
Be careful the doors
Whoa let's uh
Let's go!
I think it's gonna....
be......
[ABORT!! ABORT!!]
a.....
DESERT.
Ahem.
Ummmmmmm Ummm
I can't breathe
Nope. We're going back in
Mmm bye bye
I'm not sure if you could tell by our travel videos now
We don't really go to do any sight seeing
Or go to any landmarks or anything
First thing we do as soon as we get off the plane:
Find the closest restaurant.
Aww yeah
[Sexy Food Porn Music]
Put two pieces of duck in there
Uhuh This smells so good
Dip some in the Hoi Sin sauce
Little bit of ....that
Then wrap that up
This is my first time ever having Peking Duck
Martina's trying, but she's not doing a good job
I'm doing a good job
Shazaam!
Ok ready? Go for your first piece
You're not gonna have it with me?
Nah, you get my reaction afterwards
[nom nom nom]
~Love is the moment~
[nyom nyom nyom]
Hot damn.
Duck is so fatty. Lovely
Oh man.
Awwwwhhh.
It's good, right?
It's SO HOT! Like, I could bake something -
Oooh, gross!!
Oooh I just stepped in 0o0o0o0o0o0o0oO0Oo0Oo0O0ooooohhh
Gross!
Aaaaaaaahhhhhh
I bet you feel cold and refreshed now
I do! My heels are so nice
Meeeeeeeeeoooooooowwww
MMmmmmeeaeeeaarrrrrrrr
MMMEEEEEEEEEOOOOOORRRR
BRRRREEEEEOOOWWWW
Check this out
I'm in China....
...and I'm on Twitter!
Uhh!
Livin' life like there's no damn rules!
Wait a second, I know you!
Me?
No, not you, go away!
Oh.
I know you!!
Heeey
So one thing I learned
about crossing the street here at an intersection
is cars Will Not Stop for you
This bus DOES want to murder me
I seriously almost got hit 2 times, I think
crossing this street TWICE
There's a curb, watch it, don't land on the curb
I won't die on a curb I'll die by car!
It's Beijing!
Dumplings! Dumplings! Dumplings!
Penguins! Penguins!
No penguins Just dumplings
[Look at all them white people!]
[DUMPLLINNNGGSSSSSS]
[Green and Gold Dumplings!!!]
[.....]
[Ugh damn you Simon]
I have no idea what flavour this is
and I don't care
Mmm.
Spinach and potato noodle
Spinach and potato noodle?
Wait wait
Wait did you drink it all yet?
Drink yours
Yeah drink it
[...!!!!]
[Sexy Close Up]
[Super Sexy Close Up]
It's fine!
That was nutritious and delicious right?
Just do it!
[Copyright NIKE 1988]
[~~!!!! ]
It's strong
Whoa.
It's like
Did you ever see those commercials for Pepto bismal?
When you drink it and it like coats your stomach And you feel it warming
I feel the lining of every bit of my stomach
I think I feel the energy of the universe.
I can see through time.
Yes. Can you feel, like
[Sexy Food Pooorrrrnnnnn]
In today's news
Beijing is now 42 degrees
The hottest it's been since 1942, it seems
While when we went to Canada last time
We brought the coldest weather it had in like 200 years
And when we went to Japan for the weekend
We brought the biggest snowstorm that they've had in like 600 years
So the question for you, Los Angeles,
Since we're coming there in 2 weeks
What calamity should we bring you?
I'm thinking Sharknados.
Good night, and God speed.
[Yummy Dim Sum Music!]
And this is why we're fat.
If I had describe the taste of dim sum
I'd say it tastes like
UURRRRHHHH
AAWWWHHHH
Aaaaahh
Ooowwwhh
Scalding hot
HO HO HO!!
You thought I would surrender?
Kneel before your king!
All of this food is just a mere snack
for one as bottomless a beast or fearsome as I
I found one!
I got a durian dessert bar for my walk home
I made a terrible decision
For my walk home I got a AKHNIKHIDIPAKHDO
with 20% boonkhschaps!
Ducky made a terrible choice
He's doing the happiness dance of satisfaction
C'mon guys this is racist
Aww that is a shazaaaming one
You got the tassels and everything It's amazing, it's beautiful
We could take a taxi, but why take a taxi when you can ride in style
Of course
I'm pretty sure
Can we sing songs as we ride the whole way there?
Or do they charge more for that?
[Mandarin]
Any Korean songs?
Ok? OK!
Sing very loud!
Lalalalalalalalala
[Chinese Rickshaw Music]
I wanna dance dance dance da-dance! Fantastic baby!
Dance! Woo-hoo!
Oh God we're gonna die!
I wanna dance dance dance da-dance! Fantastic baby!
Lalalalalalala
[WANK Theme Music]
Ducky
Don't do it Cmon we gotta find food
Food is our priority at the the moment
What's that?
Ducky!!
Is that a big puppy? What is that?
That's a big angry dog that will try to murder you
I have no idea what this meat is.
But it's lovely
Yeah? Mmm.
What does it taste like? Like barbecued? Or...
It's chicken, parsley, and onions
Really? Mmm.
So fresh!
I dunno how to have a bite because I'm covered in masks
Go for it
Mmhmm.
How is it? I got dessert.
Yours a dessert?
[FAPFAP Theme Music]
[Master Spudgy's Meditation Music]
[~~!!!!!]
Ooh ducky.
Umm awesome guys rolling up their shirts to their bellies
and just sticking it out there
I see it every five to ten minutes
Mmmm yeah
Roll it up and start slapping your belly.
Nice.
[...??!! ]
[FOOD FOOD FOOOD FOOOOOOOODDDDD]