Unicorns in! Hello Crazy Mensies! (Afrikaans for 'people')
It's Chemory from the Advanced Lightworkers Discussion Group and Life Coaches Toolbox,
and this is - Jelly. Jelly, "mini me" - "mini her".
Nice!
And we're here to talk to you today, about Ego Deaths - and i think bringing in a Teenager's point of view
on the discussion of Ego Deaths is, I think, quite an interesting one, because I think there's a lot of teenagers
who go through them as well, hey?
Well they go through them without knowing what they're going through, and therefore reject it, and
can't go completely through it, which kind of defeats the purpose.
Okay, so what was your first Ego Death Experience?
My first Ego Death Experience...? Well i don't know what, let's talk about an Ego Death Experience that you had.
Well, one of biggest Ego Death Experiences would probably be with losing my friend.
Standing up for what I believe in, compared to compromising for what they wanted.
Okay - and that was quite a big Ego Death because I never knew how to talk for what I believed in,
and I couldn't stand up. I always used to let them bash what I believe in, when we talked.
So what was the feeling when you were going through the Ego Death? I mean how did you feel inside you?
I didn't really want to accept it. I was crying and I was crying, and I was holding on to it,
and I wouldn't let it go and I was like, "no but I'm scared. I can't do this!" but I really had done it
and I didn't want to accept it, and it's just the emotions I- that was going inside.
Okay so let's step back first and let's talk about what an Ego Death is.
So an Ego Death is linked to Ego, obviously - and most of you have thought about ego as Arrogance.
So when you say somebody has a "Big Ego", you're saying that they Arrogant and they know-it-all in most cases,
but Ego's not really that.
Ego is any Emotional Experience that makes you feel either Inferior or Superior to another person
in front of you.
And it manifests itself through a number of Emotional Experiences such as Doubt, Shame, Vulnerability, Anger,
Resistance, Fear, Judgement, Humiliation, Embarrassment, Possessiveness, Pride, Envy, Jealousy,
Competition or Admiration, okay?
And basically when you're going through an Ego Death - it is a loss, almost, of your sense of Self.
It feels like you don't matter. You kind of like- it's- your having to give up something that you desire and
that (thing) you want, and it feels mostly like you don't matter at all, okay?
So that's the feeling of an Ego Death, and for a lot of people - that's the feeling that they get at the bottom of
a Suicidal spell, or when they're very, very Depressed, or when they've hit rock bottom,
or when they tied to an Addiction.
So the first thing you gotta know is those moments, those moments where you hit that rock bottom
and you feel like you don't matter and you've got no worth, and you not important in the world.
Those are Ego Deaths. Those are normal Spiritual Experiences and they're going to play out
as Experiences in your life.
So as Jelly was saying, her Ego Death played out as losing her friend. So let's break this down.
So what did that look like? What was the Experience that happened for you first?
You got to school that day, and you guys were talking and you'd had a disagreement about something.
Well I got to school and I basically stayed away from her and then we agreed, through one friend that was talking between us -
because this girl, she wouldn't talk to me at all.
And she's saying that, "okay, we're just gonna ignore each other." So we did.
I went and I was sitting at the back with one of my other friends - but you were already hurting?
Yeah I was like, I felt bad about losing what we had and that we had not been talking-
and what else did you feel? You felt rejected, and you felt abandoned, and you felt unwanted,
and you felt like you didn't belong- and I felt used. Yeah you felt used and you felt like you didn't belong, hey?
Okay so how did it make you feel sitting at school, when you felt all those things looking at your friend?
And you looked at the other people, did that roll over into the other people?
Did you start thinking, okay, the other people don't want to talk to you either?
Did you start feeling that, sort of, in general?
Yes- you have to talk, we're on video. It's audio, and picture. Well when you nail it on the spot, it's kinda like-
Okay so that is Projection in play, so the first thing is she got to school and there's already this tension,
and then there's this person running backwards and forwards between them.
Now they're ignoring each other. So she's feeling Rejected and Horrible. This is the first layer of Ego Death.
You feel the Rejection, so you start doubting yourself - "do other people want me around?".
Then you start feeling Vulnerable - "if they don't want me around, it must be because I'm terrible", you know?
"I'm such a terrible person!" You start bashing yourself. You start climbing into your Self Worth
and your Self-Esteem.
So that's the first layer of the Ego Death, okay? Then there was an Experience that happened next,
and that Experience was when her friend called her over to speak to her, and then Physically attacked her.
So let's jump straight to that moment where she actually starts climbing you.
We don't want to go into story. We want to stay the facts, okay?
So there's the moment she actually starts punching and hitting you, what are you feeling like at that moment?
Shocked. Surprised. I didn't know she was going to do that. It was something that I wasn't used to-
and passed the shock?
Did you only feel the shock in the moment?
Then I was 'instinct". Then I was trying to stop her.
So you were trying to protect yourself? Yes, and push her away.
So what feelings were you feeling inside you? Were you scared?
I wasn't (very) much feeling anything, as more as it went into a blur when it was happening,
and the moment it stopped, the moment everything settled in my body - then i felt it.
I sat and I was in a mess. I was sad and overwhelmed, and-
I can feel it, it's building up. So if you're feeling that tension here, in your Heart Chakra
and your Solar Plexus Chakra, you're feeling the Energy from her story as she sharing it with you.
And you'll recognize that Energy from your own Experiences. That feeling with the crying builds up
and make tightness that develops in your throats over here and that pain that develops in your Heart,
and then that Fear. She didn't do something wrong. She was attacked but she felt scared. She felt vulnerable.
Okay? And was it fair to say that you felt like you were the one who was wrong?
In that moment I was- when I started off after everything happened, I was screaming,
"I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't do anything wrong! Why is this happening?".
Okay so there's a lot of emotions going on, and that again is another layer of Ego Death.
So- and also what you were saying earlier about the Projecting onto other the people.
In that moment I felt like no one was on my side. They were all letting her doing it-yes.
They were all against her. Okay, well done my Darling, thank you for sharing.
Sorry, the emotions are coming back. No, no, no, that's fine, okay.
So can you see what I'm doing here on her head? I'm helping her release this, and just by tapping lightly
on her head - just release. Fix this. Release this. Activate the brain. And then store it.
Store it, then release by tapping on the Sternum, okay?
So there we've spoken about now, she was feeling these emotions inside her, that she thought her friend
was aiming at her, and then she started projecting those same set of Emotions out to everybody else
that was in the room as well.
So it went from just being this fight between her and her friend, to feeling like she was completely attacked
by everybody and nobody wanted her there.
So by the time she phoned me, she was in a flat spin panic attack- actually the reason I phone was
there was one person who I actually thought was on my side, it was only that one thing that they did.
They said, "let's phone your mom" I'm like okay- yes, you did something right!
Okay and mom sprang into action and then we started unpacking the next layers of this.
So the first thing I did when I got Jelly home, was I took her and I gave her a Trauma Release Exercise
which is on my website Life Coaches Toolbox. It is called the Go Ape Process, okay?
And it releases Shock and Trauma - it tells your body to stop producing stress chemicals.
And then I said to her, "you need to wait until the Shock passes, which can take up to a week."
Nobody likes to hear that.
But I've never found a way to force Shock to pass quickly, okay? But she didn't listen to me.
She doesn't leave it to pass. So please tell them how you held on to the emotion after we'd fetched you,
brought you home and settled you down. What is it that you were doing that kept you- I kept on talking to people.
I kept on replaying the moment. I kept on staying in the feelings. Everyone was like,
"ahh but she shouldn't have done that!", and, "I'm totally on your side."
And it was just all there my Emotions rerunning and everyone talking about it and it just-
Because what don't I allow? Same as group. I don't allow sob stories. So once I've heard the story,
I don't need to know the rest of it. The story is, your friend attacked you. She attacked you for this reason.
I don't need to go over it, and over it, and over it because that's staying in the story.
So at about three hours after we got home, I turned around and I looked at my very beautiful, little daughter
and I said to her, "put the phone down. You are undoing my work",
and what happened when you put the phone down?
I forgot about it. We really just moved on and we started talking about other things and I let go of the feeling.
It wasn't in my Conscious Thought, it was just something that had happened.
At about 24 hours later, she turned around and she went, "oh my God! It's an Ego Death", and I said,
"here's your ice cream".
Okay so yeah, no - that's how it works in this house, but that was very much it.
Once she had gone through the Experience- yes it was Traumatic. Yes. The moment she phoned,
I mean the rule in my house is if you phone me and I'm the person responsible for you - I get there first,
ask questions later, okay?
You don't tell me why you're crying. You just tell me, "come." That's the only word I need to hear.
And I'm in the car and I'm there - even if I'm still in my Slippers or my Pajamas, okay? Alright.
And that's what I did with her. So I didn't find out the rest until I'd gotten you, okay? Yes. Okay...
But once we got her home and we settled her down, I said to her, "stop and let it alone. Back off from it.
Think about something else, do something else. Here do you want to help me on the website?
Here do you want to do this?
The thing that kept her trapped in the relationship, was the fact that she needed to keep giving people examples.
And people needed to tell her what they thought about when - this girl had punched her this way,
or when she scratched her, and, "oh my God! Did you see? You've got scratches on your arms
and you've got a bruise on your face", and and and and... Snd that keeps you trapped.
And that's why I'm so clear about saying to people you, don't go into the story, you don't go into the examples,
because when you are doing that, you stay trapped in the Experience.
Once you've done the Basic Release Processes and you step back, and you focus on something else -
you can forget about it. The Experience can integrate into your system and you can move on to the next layer.
So because- and I'm very proud of her because she was able to recognize this quickly and let go of it quickly, ok?
What happened shortly after that? You had another Ego Death Experience, hey?
With my other friend. It's because- it's like the way the Universe works. For Ego Deaths they usually like to
take something away from you and because I couldn't take my mom or my dad,
they had to take the two friends closest to me - which mom helped to explain that to me.
But what's really interesting, is that she came to the Realization that having the stuff right on
top of each other, actually made it easier and because she didn't drag out the process -
because we were able to Shift through it in the matter of 24 to 48 hours - the next Ego Death came within
a few days, and was actually her choice to consciously end the friendship.
But that in itself was also an Ego Death because Inferiority, and Superiority are Ego Reactions.
So she and that one felt Superior to the person almost in a way, okay? And she managed to let go of that.
But because she was able to process it quickly and not hold onto the Emotions,
she was able to do both layers of Ego Death in less than a week and that's value of it.
So Teenagers - these Experiences that you're going through are Ego Deaths, okay?
You're going to feel Ashamed. You're going to feel Embarrassed.
You're going to feel Vulnerable, and Doubtful, and Guilty, and Judged, and Judgmental, and Angry - and let it go.
Don't sit and text your friends all night. Do not don't phone each other endlessly talking about it-
but on the opposite side - don't ignore the feeling completely either. You have to let the feeling come
and then go when it needs to go. Don't hold on to it when it's there, but don't stop it when it wants to come.
Yes. So let the feeling come. Feel sad. Have a good cry. Go and stand under the shower
and let the water fall on you - and have a fantastic cry-
but when you really allow yourself to cry, it does end- yeah and it ends pretty quickly.
Usually within about 30 seconds to 2 minutes actually. So yeah. So well done my darling, very very proud of you.
Teens, adults - we all do the same thing. We all play the Victim Mode. We all want to hang onto the stuff.
And I understand that that validates it for you, but let go of the Victim Mentality
and you will turn your world around overnight.
Don't hang on to the stuff. Don't complain, and Ego Deaths happen to everybody.
They even happened to amazing 15 year olds- and even little Ego Deaths like cutting or cleaning your nails. Yeah!
That's one we had recently.
So, thank you for being with us. This is a longer one than usual but I think it's worth it.
We'll talk more about Ego Deaths.
Please post questions and comments below, and on the Advanced Lightworkers Discussion Group.
And teenagers - yes this is real for you. You are going through this too.
These Experiences are real for you and there is help and support out there. So please reach to communities.
Love you guys, fiercely. See you on group ;) Unicorns out!