She ran after me and said, "Huy! Huy! Wait for me!"
She held my hand and I'm like, "Oh, shit."
I knew that.... Oh shit. Something is wrong.
Welcome to another episode of Ask TSL.
In light of Pride Month, we are going to be answering all your LGBT-related questions.
Yeah.
Let's go!
Before we go into the questions, we just want to identify what we 'label' as.
Huy, you wanna start?
I'm...
very gay.
Okay.
I am bi, or pansexual.
To be honest, I don't like to put a label on myself.
Yeah.
- I just like girls, but I don't know if I like guys. - She doesn't want to be labeled.
Give us the questions...
First question: When and how did you find out that you ain't straight?
Until the age of 14... I dated - that was my last girlfriend.
I dated her, but we didn't get physical.
(Once), we were about to cross the street.
- The carefree me just walked off the street without... - Holding her hand.
Holding her hand.
She ran after me and said, "Huy, Huy! Wait for me!" and held my hand.
I'm like... Oh, shit.
I knew that something was wrong.
The next day... I broke up with her.
Oh no...
It took me another 4 years to date the first boyfriend.
Aww.
So when you guys hold hands, do you feel more natural?
Yeah, of course. In my head, I imagine kissing the guy, not the girl. You know what I mean?
So the next day, I just texted her...
Actually did I text her? No, I feel like I just ghosted her.
- Oh my God, Huy. - What a douche...
About 4 or 5 years later, we saw each other on Facebook. She added me, but I didn't add her back...
At that moment, it was just a very confusing moment for me.
A very confused phase for me. I didn't know where I belonged to.
- What about you? - Me?
I had my first crush on a girl when I was in secondary school.
She belonged to someone else, obviously. That's why nobody knew about it.
I think that when you're in a girls' school, especially for 10 years, it's very normal for people to say that girls will end up liking girls.
Because... You're in an environment where it's full of women, and I think that -
Wah, that's my dream.
Well, Jes. Maybe we should have swapped places.
I think that the confirmation truly came when I was much older.
Most people said it's a phase. I went to poly,
then I went to uni too, which was co-ed.
But I still liked girls, so I don't really think that it's just a phase.
Usually, if it's a phase, it would last 1-3 years.
But sometimes, I do really consider spending the rest of my life with a woman instead of a guy.
On that note, why I would still consider myself bi or pansexual is because
for me, it's not so much about the gender of the person, but who the person is.
I realized...
that I liked girls at the age of - Ok, I don't know the age, but Primary 2.
I liked my best friend.
At that moment when I felt that I liked her,
It was very scary for me.
The social norm was for a girl and a guy to like each other,
For me, it was like, "Oh no, I suddenly have feelings for a girl."
How I realized that it wasn't just platonic feelings...
It was during the school holidays. No one knows about this.
- You guys know first hand. - Dishing the secrets.
I had my own diary and I liked drawing last time.
When I was drawing, I ended up drawing us kissing.
- Oh! - I was like... "Oh, f*ck."
Like...
Why am I drawing this and trying to imagine how I'd like us to become?
It was scary and I thought it wasn't normal, so I...
I just kept it to myself.
Afterwards, I got together with a guy.
The relationship was very different. Even though we spent 2 years together,
I liked him and loved him as a friend,
but not more than that.
I didn't hold his hand, hug or kiss him.
I wouldn't allow him to do that to me.
I just felt very uncomfortable.
Next question: What makes same-sex relationships succeed or fail?
Ooh.
Then... What's a successful or failed... straight sex?
I don't get it. 'Successful' means you got a baby, or what?
Wait, what's the definition of success or fail?
I assume that success means you guys stay together,
and 'fail' means you guys break up,
- All relationships are like that. - Wait, wait.
- Not even about like - - Wait, sex or relationships?
'Same-sex relationships succeed or fail'.
Oh... I thought you're talking about successful sex.
Yeah, you *** means successful.
Then, successful relationships means, what, getting married?
I guess it's like what she said - if you're still together.
- If you're contented in the relationship, then it's a success. - Yeah, if you're happy in the relationship.
I mean, it's just like every other relationship.
I'm still laughing at this question. It's so ridiculous.
It depends on your needs, not your sexual preference.
As with all good relationships, it's open communication with your partner, honesty,
and just being a good listener to them.
Just being their partner-in-crime for life.
But based on personal experience,
same-sex relationships are much harder to hold on to.
There is really more things to consider.
In future, your housing... hospital matters...
Even parental acceptance, I would say.
There is a lot more added stress to that.
I have had three relationships. Two of them (failed) because of issues between the both of us.
Maybe we weren't compatible.
But for my recent relationship, it was about parental acceptance.
It might be harder to be happy,
but the core value of happiness is the same.
Next question: Is there true monogamy in a long-term gay relationship?
This question is for you.
Why not? I have a lot of friends in monogamous relationships,
and it has worked out well for them. It does exist.
I think it's because of the stereotypes. They think that gays are... I don't know.
I think that they believe it because guys, in general, need more sex than girls.
So some people are not happy with just one sex partner.
I think it's quite strange when a question comes like this.
When we think of LGBTQ relationships,
many people start thinking about what happens in the bedroom first.
Maybe this question is based on the fact that some gays tend to...
need multiple partners. But that isn't necessarily true.
Not just gays. For lesbians, people will also start wondering,
"How? How do two girls have sex?"
Put fing-
Ok. Oh, my favorite. Favorite LGBT films.
- I have a list. - You have a list?!
Scroll.
- I don't have! - Jes shall take it away.
The only LGBT films I know is... those kinds of films.
Oh... The R21 kind.
My favorite - top of my list, is...
'The Handmaiden'. It's a Korean LGBT film.
It's a period film, set a long time ago.
- Then the queen and servant falls in love... Huhu. - Wow, so juicy.
There are a lot of plot twists. You guys watched Parasite?
- So much better than Parasite. - Huh? Oh, wow.
Ok, I'm watching it.
The next one is 'Blue is the Warmest Colour'. It's a French film, if I'm not wrong.
The third one is... 'The 'L' Word'.
- Aw, yes. - The latest season.
If you want to know more films, you can DM me on Instagram.
- Jeslene has a list. - I will entertain you guys.
The next question: How was it like being gay at school?
It was alright. As in, my schools didn't have anything against gay people.
I came out to my friends and they both took it very normally.
It was like nothing major. Like, I was still their friend after that.
I think that you can consider yourself quite lucky.
But some people might find it hard to come out in school. In their secondary school.
I think that the most important thing is to figure out who you're most comfortable sharing this with.
It's something very personal and might affect your school life,
if you mix with the wrong group of people.
You should only come out when you are ready to. I think that timing is very important.
Don't come out because people are forcing you to, or if you feel peer-pressured.
I think that we should count ourselves lucky that we are in a society that is quite open to LGBTQ+ already.
I think that we are in a good place and headed somewhere.
It's just a matter of time.
I think that with current technology, it's easier to find someone that identifies themselves the same way as you too.
They'll probably understand you better.
- Compared to, say, 10 years ago. - For sure.
We have it a lot better.
'How did you come out to your friends and family'?
Wah. Such a heavy topic.
The coming out stories.
I had no problem with my friends.
They were like, "Huh? I already know leh."
For my family, it took a while. It was during my second ex.
We were standing facing the window and looking out of it.
I was standing in front of him, he was hugging me from behind and we were both looking at the sunset.
Then, my parents came home.
They came into the room and saw me hugging my ex.
When I went to the living room, they called me in and asked me what was happening.
I was 17 and I was damn scared.
I kept denying and refusing it and said there was nothing going on. We were just friends.
They didn't really believe it, but...
They tried to forget it and move on.
What came after that was a cold war for about a month.
But the funny thing is that... My mum is a very caring and loving person.
She never scolds her kids.
She wrote letters to me everyday and put them on my table.
But the funny thing that made me angry...
She cut out articles of gay people committing crimes from the newspapers and put it together with the letter!
- So paggro... - So passive-aggressive!
So I cut out all the articles of straight people committing crimes and put them on her table.
And obviously, there are more straight people in the world, right?!
After a while, she got the memo and stopped doing it.
My dad is kind of homophobic.
Until now, he doesn't know yet.
- How about you, Jes? - Ok, that is the end of...
I haven't officially come out to my family yet. They suspect.
5 years ago, they suspected that I was together with my first girlfriend, and it was true.
I was very stupid. I accidentally sent a text. I wanted to send it to my ex-girlfriend,
but I sent it to my mum instead. That's when all hell broke loose.
Our relationship got so bad, she forced me to break up with my ex.
But we didn't. We had to keep it low key. Huh. Sorry, if you see this.
But we broke up already. I've got no girlfriend now.
Just saying.
Our relationship turned very sour. I told her that...
"Why can't I be myself? I like girls."
I tried my best to be with a guy, and it just didn't seem right.
She just doesn't understand.
She would occasionally say a lot of mean stuff to me.
She says that I am a disgrace to the family.
That is the most hurtful part.
Our relationship was very bad. Every single day, I would just lock myself in my room.
I wouldn't want to look at my parents.
Every Chinese New Year is a struggle for my mother and I.
There was one year, I went visiting with short hair.
My relatives started asking my mum, "You had a son?"
F*cking stupid relatives.
I'd been visiting for 20 years and they suddenly asked my mum if she had a son.
Or they would ask my sister if I was my sister's boyfriend.
Huh?
I felt very bad for my mum. It made me think,
even if I want to be comfortable with myself?
I had to, at the very least, put myself in her shoes.
So I... I just let her be. I'd let her slowly understand and take it at her own pace.
It takes both hands to clap in order to make the relationship better. I had to compromise a bit,
and my mum had to compromise a bit.
It's our parents' coping mechanisms when they...
scold you and say mean things to you.
They hope that after they say these things to you, you'll become 'normal' again.
- But they didn't realize that... It can't be changed. - It hurts us.
It hurts us.
I think that coming out to our parents is actually one of the most pivotal moments,
because these people are our parents.
Sometimes we need to take a step back and understand that our parents are only human.
When we manage to humanize our parents and see them as people,
like an individual - let's say you met this person on the street,
and given that this is their set of beliefs,
you can't expect that person to accept you for who you are.
I think that it's a two-way understanding.
And I think that you managing to find that compromise with your mum is inspirational.
I don't know if this is good advice, but come out only when you are financially capable.
- I think so too. - Financially capable of depending on yourself.
Finances is not the only factor you have to consider.
I think that you need to make sure that you can do it on your own.
You're not dependent on someone. Because then it would harm the relationship with the people you stay with.
A lot of people I know come out when they are in a relationship and their boyfriends force them to do so.
That's not great.
So... that's not great.
Do it for yourself.
Oh my God, yes. We are done. Is that the last question?
Finally.
Wow, we just came out to the whole wide world. On YouTube.
Thank you for watching this episode of Ask TSL.
If you liked this video, don't forget to like, share and subscribe, and ring the notification bell.
And watch our other videos over there.
- Bye! - Happy Pride Month!
Gay! Gay!
Can I get an Amen in here?
(PD) It's still rolling.
- We are a disgrace. - Jes needs a girlfriend.
Call me.
Just kidding (not really).