I was absolutely blindsided, Mark.
He did everything right.
He invested in me.
He kept up emotional momentum.
He met my family.
He got along with people.
He talked about our future.
He ticked so many boxes.
It wasn't until six months later I saw the real him - narcissism, disregard for my feelings,
manipulation, even abuse.
I spent months thinking this was the guy for me and now, I've completely lost confidence
in myself and my ability to read man and I do not want to get out there and date again.
This is what Jessie said to me on her recent discovery call, and I couldn't help it empathize
with her.
She'd only had one relationship in her life between the ages of about 19 to 25 and then
she'd come out and run into one of the worst narcissists.
One of the worst that I'd ever heard a client coming across.
This had killed Jessie's confidence.
She didn't want to get back out there again.
She just had the one relationship and then run into this horrible, horrible guy who manipulated
her for over six months and she had no faith in herself to get back out there again.
I, as a coach had to help her get that confidence.
Now, the first thing I wanted her to reflect on, and I want you to reflect on if you've
had this struggle, if you've misread a man and now questioning yourself.
First question I ask is always, what did you miss?
What were the signs that were there that you missed at the time?
Now, I asked Jessie this and she gave me an answer that was a bit more unusual.
She said, Mark, I've had a think about this for so long and so hard.
There was nothing.
He did everything right.
He really did tick all the boxes.
This is what's killed my faith in in this, in myself so much is that I didn't actually
miss anything.
There were no signs and I said, Jessie, with all due respect, I think you are wrong.
So we broke the situation down.
Now, obviously my experience working with hundreds of women, thousands of people all
around the world has been very different to Jesse, who's just been in this one relationship
with a guy who was generally pretty good.
By the time I'd been through the situation for her, I'd found 16 signs of warning from
the beginning that it came up in the first month.
Seven of those were really dangerous and four were critical.
The first thing I had to do was switch Jessie's mindset from I was played, I was a victim,
I was manipulated by a textbook narcissist to I made a mistake because I was played,
I was a victim, there's no way you can fix that.
I made a mistake that can be changed.
But the problem is that brings up a second negative emotion and this is what I really
want to talk about today.
We don't like making mistakes.
We're told mistakes are a bad thing and we feel bad when we make them, particularly situations
relating to love and romance.
When we make a mistake, we beat the hell out of ourselves.
And so I took Jessie from feeling like a victim to feeling like someone who messed up, and
she actually felt worse.
This is very common.
Often when you first realize the part that you play, you'll actually feel worse.
And it's amazing the way that sometimes feeling bad opens the gateway to feeling great again.
You often need the yin with the yang.
So this is what this is really about today.
Everyone makes mistakes and Jessie had made a big one in misreading a man that, to be
honest, was way above her pay grade in terms of reading.
This guy was like textbook.
I couldn't believe how manipulative he was and how how he'd gone out of his way to pull
the wall over her eyes even meeting family future projecting things like this.
But when it came down to it, the signs were there and even though Jessie had missed them,
that was a good thing because she'd never run into this man early in her life and she
now had some amazing experience to take away from this.
Her attitude of had I made a mistake so I should feel shit about that and not put myself
back out there is the equivalent to Roger Federer misreading and opponent and deciding
he shouldn't play tennis anymore.
If you look up statistics, you'll find that Roger Federer wins somewhere between 58 to
66% of his points.
That means he either misreads the player the situation or makes a mistake over one third
of the time and he's the best in the world.
Misreads are essential.
If you're not making them, it means you're not out there and it means you're not learning
and growing from them.
So this whole video isn't about finding these red flags.
I had to delve into that situation with Jessie, and she now knows so much more about narcissist
and she's been doing a whole heap of research on that since.
If you want to know more, I've got a video about narcissist.
I'll put the link in the description and don't forget that guide I mentioned at the start
of the video, the 10 Male Dating Personalities that Lead to Heartbreak that's going to give
you more experience too, so you can see these guys early.
So have some self-forgiveness.
I'm going to have more videos on that out soon too.
Have some self forgiveness, understand mistakes and misreads are part of the process.
Learn about what you missed, and then get out there to make some more mistakes.
Do some more reading, and eventually get the right man for you in the future.
Well, that's the video.
Thank you so much for watching.
Let me know your thoughts, comments, questions, et cetera.
Put it all in the space below.
Give the video a thumbs up.
Hit the big red subscribe button with the little bell so you get the notifications.
And like I say, I want to hear from you.
Have you beaten yourself up for a misread?
Did you resonate with what I've said in this video with Jessie's situation?
For your comments in the space below.
Thanks again for watching and I'll see you in the next video very soon.
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