It’s healthy to be alone but for some people, they feel lonely when they are alone.
In this video, I’m going to cover the difference between being alone versus being lonely as
well as how you can be alone without feeling lonely.
Let’s get into the facts.
Being alone is an observable fact.
There is no one around you physically.
On the other hand, loneliness is an emotion and it is subjective.
Someone that is lonely wants companionship.
Most people feel lonely when they are alone but it is also possible to feel lonely when
you are surrounded by a lot of people.
It’s possible to feel lonely when you are in a crowd because you are not with a friend
or you can’t relate to anyone around you.
Being alone and being lonely do not have to go hand in hand and it is possible to be alone
without being lonely.
No matter who you are, you will be spending a good amount of time alone even if you are
a very social person.
Being alone is not necessarily a bad thing, so here are some methods to be alone physically
without feeling loneliness.
First off, you have to change the way you see being alone.
One reason why some people feel lonely when they are alone is because they believe the
condition of staying alone will be permanent.
Once you understand staying alone isn’t permanent, it gets better.
You can actively work towards changing how much time you spend alone by actively seeking
new friends or a new romantic partner.
You can also look at the positives instead of the negatives.
If you live alone in your apartment, you can look at the positives like how you won’t
have to argue with someone because they ate your food or how you don’t have to wait
to use the bathroom instead of the negatives which might make you feel down.
In some situations, you will be alone because something happened like when your friends
canceled plans so its up to you to make the best of it.
If you can find something to do, you will feel less lonely.
Second, figure out what triggered your feelings of loneliness and set the trigger aside.
Maybe you were bored in your apartment on a Friday evening because your friends canceled
plans and you started feeling lonely.
The trigger was boredom so you should find something to fill the void.
You can try reading, learning something new, or go watch some funny videos.
One thing I would try to avoid is social media.
When you are scrolling down your feed, your mind will start comparing you to the people
in the pictures which will make you feel worse.
Another possible but simpler scenario is maybe you started feeling lonely because you were
listening to a sad song that reminded you of something.
Switch over to a different song until loneliness isn’t that much of a problem.
Third, make a prediction spreadsheet.
This was inspired by Charisma on Command.
Having a prediction spreadsheet can help with loneliness but the explanation comes later.
For the prediction spreadsheet, you make it on your phone before you start your day and
update it as the day goes on.
On the prediction spreadsheet, there are 3 columns: activity, prediction, and reality.
On activities, you list down the activities you are going to do for the day.
Ideally, spending time alone should be one of the activities on the prediction spreadsheet.
On prediction, you give a score from 1-10 which is how you predict you will feel while
you do the activity with 10 being the highest score which means you felt on top of the world.
On reality, you give a score from 1-10 for how you actually felt when you were doing
the activity.
As you go about your day, you will be taking mental notes on how the activity makes you
feel.
Maybe getting lunch with your friend wasn’t as fun as you thought it would be and maybe
being alone was more fun than you thought.
At the end of the day, you might realize how off your predictions are.
Without the spreadsheet, you will have a harder time understanding who you are.
But how exactly does this relate to loneliness?
Well according to Carl Jung, "Loneliness does not come from having no people about one,
but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding
certain views which others find inadmissible."
It’s possible to feel lonely because your connection to yourself is off.
The spreadsheet helps you discover who you really are and what you like.
To recap, being alone is the condition of not being surrounded by people physically.
Being lonely is the emotion that comes from the desire for companionship whether that
is with others or with oneself.
Remember that if you are alone, you won’t be alone forever.
Thanks for watching.
If you enjoyed this video and want more, check out this playlist on the benefits of silence
which often goes hand in hand with solitude.