[MUSIC PLAYING]
FELICIA DAY: What are you doing here?
It's Labor Day.
What are you talking about, I have to do a Flog?
It's a holiday.
What?
Are you kidding?
OK, fine.
Hey, guys.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
FELICIA DAY: Forget the intro.
Top three is here.
This show's number one is this Minecraft cow, which just has
to be in the yard.
Don't ask me.
Number two is this hot dog.
It's the hot dog and bun, because when you put a hot dog
in a bun, that's a really good idea.
Mmm.
Number three, this hammock.
OK, OK.
Oh.
Um.
Here's a segment.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
FELICIA DAY: Hey, guys.
RYON DAY: Hey.
FELICIA DAY: Brought this guy back.
Do some more gaming.
RYON DAY: This guy?
FELICIA DAY: This guy.
RYON DAY: I have a name.
FELICIA DAY: You don't anymore.
In plumbing the depths of Sega co-op retro games, we have
found ourselves at BattleTech.
RYON DAY: BattleTech, another game I've never played before.
And the color palette, unlike other games, is very poopy.
They're battling over a turd world here.
FELICIA DAY: Turd.
Your first mission--
RYON DAY: Sweet, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's
giving us our orders.
FELICIA DAY: (DEEP VOICE) Your first mission takes place
against the forces [INAUDIBLE]
Draconis [INAUDIBLE].
RYON DAY: What am I supposed to do here?
FELICIA DAY: You do nothing.
You're feet.
RYON DAY: I'm in charge of the feet?
This game sucks.
FELICIA DAY: No, this is what happens.
RYON DAY: Oh, wait, you might be right.
I am the feet.
So I just seriously don't do anything
except walk us around?
FELICIA DAY: This is great.
Get over there so I can shoot.
RYON DAY: I'm on strike.
I'm not going to do anything.
Aw, man.
FELICIA DAY: All right.
Well, that's how this game works.
RYON DAY: Hey.
FELICIA DAY: Hey, OK.
RYON DAY: And we're back.
OK, kill that other robot.
Yeah.
Can you kill that building?
FELICIA DAY: No, I'm not going to waste my ammo on buildings.
Oh, look at you.
RYON DAY: That's sweet.
I'm going to run the slalom.
FELICIA DAY: You're ruining the environment.
RYON DAY: OK, I just got to do this.
It's my OCD.
Hold on, almost done.
No, no, turn.
Yeah, turn your torso.
FELICIA DAY: I know.
Don't tell me how to [BLEEP].
RYON DAY: Maybe I should be arms.
FELICIA DAY: OK, let's trade.
RYON DAY: Fail.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, he's rubbing it in.
Has sealed our fate.
RYON DAY: Oh, it's our fault.
FELICIA DAY: For generations, your name will be remembered.
Wow, it's like we're being trolled right now.
What do these numbers mean, ever?
RYON DAY: I think that means that that's
how much they cost.
Because in this world, even though we're in the military,
we have to buy our own [BLEEP].
Oh, wait.
Look, I got three different weapons, though, A, B, and C.
FELICIA DAY: Oh.
I didn't notice that part.
RYON DAY: You're doing a really bad job.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm dodging.
RYON DAY: You're doing a really bad job.
FELICIA DAY: Don't waste your ammo on the buildings.
RYON DAY: They're enemy buildings.
They don't deserve to live.
FELICIA DAY: I know, but don't waste your ammo.
This is like the [BLEEP]
Depression of video games.
You got to get some coupons.
Oh, what is that?
RYON DAY: Oh, I think we shouldn't touch that.
FELICIA DAY: Oh.
Don't touch that.
RYON DAY: That's not a wavy health line.
FELICIA DAY: It's not like, hey-- aw.
RYON DAY: The Rock is not pleased.
FELICIA DAY: There's no, you did your best.
That guy doesn't do that.
RYON DAY: Yeah.
No, it's--
FELICIA DAY: He's like the worst--
RYON DAY: Well, you can't kind of win a war, can you?
Here we go again.
FELICIA DAY: God, I want a painting of that.
So we have to destroy all these things, and stay alive.
RYON DAY: This is hard.
FELICIA DAY: Oh my god, it's so--
hard.
RYON DAY: OK.
All right.
FELICIA DAY: Wait, no.
He was telling us the only entrance.
He was telling us important information that we needed to
keep reading.
RYON DAY: Oh, what the [BLEEP]
are you doing?
[FELICIA HUMMING]
RYON DAY: Oh, do the [BLEEP]
radar.
I can derive no information from what is
going on in this screen.
The machine gun is worthless against this little guy.
Oh, I'm going to [BLEEP]
light his ass up.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, look, one of those guys is coming.
His looming shadow doth portend.
Good dodging.
I feel like--
RYON DAY: I know, right?
This is good teamwork.
I feel closer to you as a brother already.
FELICIA DAY: OK, we need to go west.
RYON DAY: OK, but first let's go get that coolant that you
didn't get.
FELICIA DAY: Do we need coolant?
RYON DAY: Well, let's look.
FELICIA DAY: I'm sick of talking about coolant.
It's so boring.
RYON DAY: We're looking pretty hot, girl.
This guy came up on us when we were cooling off.
That's like going to a man at a urinal while
he's pissing, and--
FELICIA DAY: Saying, hi.
RYON DAY: Kicking his ass.
This is another lesson that this game can teach you about
life, is that you should never give up.
FELICIA DAY: You're wasting ammo.
RYON DAY: I got 220 shots.
Look, I can [BLEEP]
through this [BLEEP]
if I want.
FELICIA DAY: OK, wait.
RYON DAY: South, south, south.
FELICIA DAY: No.
South.
Life lesson.
You burn one bridge, and you just get more.
RYON DAY: That's an awful life lesson.
Man, we're going to be in some [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: We got to go inside that.
RYON DAY: Yeah.
FELICIA DAY: That's what every guy says.
OK.
That's another life lesson.
RYON DAY: Oh, man, we are so--
The Rock is going to be [BLEEP]
[BLEEP]
his pants in glee.
Oh, The Rock loves us.
Congratulations--
FELICIA DAY: You have defeated the Draconis--
RYON DAY: I never thought you would make anything of
yourself as a kid.
But I'm not as disappointed as I was when you didn't make
first in the gymnastics competition when you were 11.
FELICIA DAY: I have to say that this was
a really good game.
RYON DAY: This game taught me a lot about life and--
FELICIA DAY: As we heard along the way.
RYON DAY: And friendship, and togetherness.
FELICIA DAY: Air hug.
RYON DAY: No, I'm not really going to touch
her, but that's good.
All right.
FELICIA DAY: One thumb up.
RYON DAY: I like it.
Two thumbs up.
Three.
FELICIA DAY: We have no consistent rating at all.
RYON DAY: No.
FELICIA DAY: OK, bye.
RYON DAY: Bye.
FELICIA DAY: And our question of note this week comes from--
[SNORING]
FELICIA DAY: Huh?
Subscribe.
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