Hello. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs A Friend.
I had to take a second there before we started
because Sona was yelling in the podcast studio and I...
Because you two are being dicks.
Well, I don't think that's the right energy
to start a friendly show that basically has,
is meant for children.
Oh.
This is a show by children for children.
On an intellectual level.
Yes, exactly.
Sona, you and Gourley were shouting about something
and I was just trying to get you to stop talking long enough
and shouting, so that I could start the program.
That's all.
First of all, it's hard to have
a human moment in this room
because every time we talk about something fun,
you're like, "Let's record it."
Because I want capture the essence.
Can't some things just be between us?
Yeah! No, no.
It almost be recorded and then monetize.
(Matt laughs)
Hmm. Filthy.
Filthy riches.
Rubies! Gold!
Yeah.
Well, Sona, you and Gourley were shouting
about your eyebrows.
What was that all about?
It was about hair removal.
Right. I don't wanna talk about this
'cause I upset Sona and I feel bad.
Oh, that's--
I don't know. You know what?
I shouldn't have gotten upset.
No, I think you were in the right.
No, that's not true.
I shouldn't, but I reacted.
I always react at a 10 when I should react at like a 2.
But you had reason to react.
At least have conflict.
Can we at least let people know what the nature
of the disagreement was?
Sure. Well, I started off
by saying, you know, listen, I have cert-- there's, are...
What? Just say it.
I'm a hairy person,
and I have eyebrows that if I don't take care of them,
they become a unibrow.
That's just a curse.
Oh, is that true? Your eyebrows are beautiful.
Thank you. That's 'cause Alma shapes them
and takes care of them.
Who's Alma? Alma's my girl.
Oh, she does it with your permission.
It's not like she comes in the night.
(Matt laughs)
You wake up. Alma! (imitates electric shaver)
I wouldn't mind it.
And then Matt says you also said you have a unibrow.
Then I was like, Oh, do you just take care of it yourself?
And then you said, the way you said it.
I just snapped.
Your eyebrows would grow together if you didn't intervene?
Yeah. I have what would connect.
Like, I wouldn't call it like a London Bridge
but it's like a rope bridge.
It gets...
It has a little bit of a sag to it.
It's like a Raiders of the Lost Ark bridge.
Exactly. Yes.
It's like a--
Actually it's Temple of Doom, but, go ahead.
Oh, okay. All right.
How about the Man Who Would Be King kind of bridge?
There we go. Okay. Yeah. With Sean Connery.
And Michael Caine? Michael Caine.
Oh, and Michael Caine.
Yeah. That's amazing. That's a great movie.
What year? What year?
'64? Of course it is.
Oh, no. Much later than that.
I don't know.
That's a movie from the 70s.
Someone check please. I'm gonna say that's 19--
Boy, that could be '74.
Raiders of the Lost Ark?
No, no, no.
Eduardo. Where are you?
The Man Who Would Be King.
I'm gonna say '74.
I'll say '73.
1975.
(all exclaim "Oh!")
And your first guess was '64. Interesting.
So anyway.
You were were wrong too, though.
You were wrong.
Oh yeah. Off by a whole year.
You're still wrong. Still wrong.
Movie I haven't seen in many years.
I still was able to name the cast.
Anywho, and Sean Connery in it,
who you claim to love, but don't even know
the year of one of his great movies.
Anyway, my point is this.
I don't even have eyebrows.
You two are complaining about your eyebrows.
I'm the Dick Gephardt of comedy.
Look it up kids, it's a funny reference.
Who's Dick Gephardt?
Exactly.
Why can't you guys be better?
1964?
(laughing) No, I'm one of those guys who have,
my eyebrows are so faint.
This morning I had to do a thing,
a friend asked if I would appear on a
a little short segment with him for a morning show.
And I said, Sure.
Eyebrow Talk?
No, it wasn't called Eyebrow Talk.
That show's been canceled.
Replaced by Monobrow Corner.
But I went on the show,
and of course they spend the first 10 minutes
giving me eyebrows I don't have.
And one of the things is that sometimes they overdo it.
And I come out of there,
and it looks like someone has taken two pieces
of electrical tape and put them over my eyes.
Groucho. And, yeah.
I'm suddenly Groucho Marx.
No, not, Faye Dunaway.
Who's the act--Joan Crawford.
Joan Crawford. Yeah. Yeah.
So anyway, you were saying, Sona,
and back to the important part that you need
constant management of your eyebrows.
Yes.
How often does this woman need to tend to them?
Every four weeks, I think?
Wow. Okay.
Three or four weeks?
Would you ever wanna just let them go
just to see what would happen? It might--
I did.
I'd like to see that.
During the pandemic.
Really? Yeah.
And what happened? Did they just got crazy?
They were all over the place.
Right. You probably didn't know when it was raining.
Like they just (imitates explosion).
They caught all the water.
You just looked at me like "am I okay?"
Come on. Did I just go too far?
Help me out, please.
No, no, no, no.
I just was like, you're outside
and everyone's said "we gotta get inside, it's pouring out"
and you're like, what are you talking about?
It's not raining.
These giant barriers.
And your friends are huddled under.
Yeah.
That's when you notice people.
Have you ever noticed people.
Don't stare at me, Sona.
Sona, in a rainstorm,
have you ever noticed friends of yours
gathering underneath you?
Hello? Is this thing on?
I don't wanna be a part of this.
Is this thing on?
Why are you getting me to do this?
I apologize. I know.
And I appreciate that.
That's why I like Matt more.
And I, am glad that I captured this moment
because this was an argument that was
going to go unheard by the public.
I'm also glad that I brought back
the memory of Dick Gephardt.
A famous politician a long time ago who had no eyebrows.
What an incredible thing for me to remember.
Do you wanna say anything to me about that joke
about people gathering under my eyebrows when it rains?
I think if you--
I think it's a good visual.
I think it's a funny gag.
I think it's a solid joke.
Wait. Oh, you wanted an apology?
I do!
Oh, oh, oh! Yes.
I'm not asking to rate your joke.
When are you ever gonna not rate your joke poorly?
Eduardo, what did you think about
huddling under the eyebrows?
Hilarious.
(Conan cheers)
Fuck you, Eduardo!
But the friends comment was--
I thought Gourley made that comment.
What are you doing?
Who do you think you are throwing me under the bus?
You're new here.
I'm talking about a vulnerable situation where I'm here
and you guys are just making jokes about it.
Well, I kind of can because I have a unibrow.
Yeah.
So, I'm not joking.
Oh, so you feel like, I see.
You're a victim, too.
Yeah. I understand.
And that's why we got in a bit of a fight.
Yeah, and that is true.
Yeah. You don't even have eyebrows, loser.
I know. Matt Smith.
Yeah. I'm a real Dick Gephardt.
I'm telling you, it's a funny reference.
Look it up.
If it didn't work the first time,
it's not gonna work the second or third time.
It's a podcast. How do we know it's not working?
I hear so many laughs out there.
This hasn't gone out yet.
It will, and I hear so many future laughs out there.
People in rental cars all across America
are howling at this one.
People on their pods.
What?
Eared buds.
Oh, God. What is happening?
Okay, we gotta get started.
We haven't even covered why
we got in a fight in the first place?
Is that not important? I don't care.
That's true, 'cause I said, "Oh, do you do 'em yourself?"
and then I need you to replicate the tone.
I got snarky.
Okay, so say what happens, Sona?
Well, Matt was saying, I was like,
"Hey do you tweeze your own middle of the eyebrows?"
And I said, "No, My wife does it."
Yeah. Because I thought
you were saying like, do you have some fancy schmancy person
that comes and does it?
Well, turns out that's a real thing I didn't really realize.
So I was making a joke about, no.
I take care of my eyebrows like the common man.
What kind of tool do you use?
Just like--
I don't know, sometimes if I'm just trimming my beard
I'll just razor it off with the electric razor.
Sometimes I'll just shave it
with a razor razor, if I'm shaving.
I don't know. I don't care.
I mean, I'm just, you know, devil may care.
I'm a common man. I'm a blue collar worker.
You have eyebrows, they're just blond.
Yeah. I do have eyebrows.
They're just very, very light, and--
That must be hard 'cause most of your whole like
life is, you're doing weird faces.
You know, like, you're the dude.
You're less of Gephardt and more of a Mondale.
(snickers) What? Wow. You too.
Wow. You too.
Welcome to 80s a go-go.
These are 80s references that weren't even funny in the 80s.
Next you're gonna be doing, "where's the beef?"
Yeah. We lost so many of our young listeners just now,
but that's okay.
We've lost them a long time ago.
We never had 'em.
That's not true.
Uh uh.
I'm really down with the kids.
Ooh.
Really down with the kids?
Yeah!
Cool people don't say things like that though.
It's true. When they're off in the clubs,
listening to Beck's, you know, Loser Baby.
Loser Baby.