*WAP-PISH*
Top o' the morning to ya laddies! My name is Jacksepticeye, and welcome to "A Day In The Life Of A Slice Of Bread".
Now, I thought this was going to be a nice little adventure of a slice of bread,
but this music is telling me a completely different story.
This is making- This is hyping this up a lot.
This is fuckin' banging.
There's gonna be a techno slice of bread.
I also like how the menu is different layers of bread
coming up to a sandwich
and
I'm just gonna disclaimer right here; "This is making me hungry".
So, I wanna eat after this. But Start!
Jack: I have absolutely no idea but-
Narrator: You feel a burning pain in your side, like someone just stabbed you with a knife.
Jack: Uh okay, what a way to fuckin' open this up.
Narrator: It turns out that, apparently, someone DID just stab you with a knife.
Jack: Did they? What the fuck?
What is this?
Narrator: It seems that you're a piece of bread.
Jack: Ohhhhhhhhhh. that makes a lot more sense now.
I'm dumb.
Narrator: You're completely fine with this.
But just then, a thought hits you:
Jack: A piece of bread that thinks!
This- oh, this is gonna make me regret eating bread...
Well actually, I haven't eaten bread in fucking months.
Narrator: BREAD IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AWARE THAT IT'S BREAD! (well duh)
BECAUSE IT'S BREAD!
Okay! I would agree with that! Bread is not supposed to be sentient.
Narrator: This sure is a crummy situation.
Jack: "A crummy situation". Why is the music way louder than everything else?
Narrator: What will you do?
Jack: Uhm.. Flippy flop my way to... back to my mother.
Ah!
Okay! So it's a choose your own adventure kind of thing.
"Accept my fate."
"Realize that I was taken away from my entire family. My LOAFFFFF."
Ah
This should be called "A Day In The LOAF Of A Slice Of Bread."
Think about it.
I'm like that meme guy. Like "You can't- You can't- You can't destroy the bread if you've already eaten the bread!"
That's a bad example. But you know what I mean!
Hop away! Off to freedom I go!
Narrator: You go. Independence for bread must and will be established, and it all starts with you.
Jack: This is it. This is how we start the bread hierarchy!
Narrator: Starting off your grand escape with a poorly executed backflip
You make it onto level ground!
Jack: That doesn't look like a poorly executed backflip! That looks like a, fucking amazing backflip!
Uh, go left go right.
Oh God. Left or right, left or right?
(worriedly) OHHH
Oh no
Uh, eeny, meeny... Lefty, righty.
I went right. Did I just get eaten? Am I dead? Oh God. Narrator: It appears the odds are not in your favor,
as your torturer recaptures you in their gigantic grip, and sticks you back in the toaster where you belong.
Jack: Oh, God. I want toast right now. Toast is like the best.
Narrator: Nice job there, Texas.
Jack: My name's Texas?
Ooookayyy. This is cool!
Am I de-? I'm dead. Ok, so...
Let's start again...
Yes, I'm a slice of bread
Um, off to freedom I go.
And now we're going left.
Not right! Right is death!
Left is... "Left is death" would have sounded better, but left is freedom, apparently.
Narrator: Carefully choosing to hop to the left in hopes of escaping, you find yourself facing an open door.
Jack: Hmm... Should I go through it?
Narrator: You feel small compared to the large opening in the wall that leads to your freedom, but at the same time excited by all the new opportunities you now have.
Jack: I don't know man. If I step outside this door, I'm gonna get very dirty.
Narrator: With a few more hops, -Jack (overlapping): Away I go!- you make it to the outside word. Where will you go first?
Jack: Uhhmm... Sex shop.
Jack: "Screw this man, I'm going back inside." "What about the swanky looking hot dog cart?" Yes!
Oh, but don't- don't mistake me for hotdog bun and put a dog in me
Narrator: You make your way to the swankiest hot dog cart in town, operated by an even equally swanky looking person-
Jack: Really?
-who looks to be bent over and asleep, their chin resting on the palm of their hand, snoozing face inches close to falling on the scolding hot surface-
Jack: Oh God that would be fucking painful.
Jack: Uhmm... "Excuse me, ma'am? WAKE UP YOU'RE ABOUT TO BURN ALIVE!"
Jack: "Excuse me sir? WAKE UP YOU'RE ABOUT TO- yeah you get it
Jack: "This person looks to be androgynous, so I just scream to warn them".
"I don't say anything. Let them burn".
Uh, let's go with this one.
Don't wanna make any assumptions, but let's warn them that they're gonna burn to death.
Character: "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Jack: Ok, that's- that's about what I'd expect. Yes. Very good.
Narrator: They automatically stand up straight, their eyes wide and a confused expression to match.
Jack: Wait, was that you yelling, or me yelling?
As a slice of bread, if that was me yelling, that's very impressive.
If it's you yelling,
Not AS impressive, but pretty good!
Narrator: They quickly realize the situation they were in and that you just saved them from a hell of a medical bill.
Jack: You're welcome!
"A hell of a medical bill"! Oh, and probably DEATH, as well!
I know what it's like man!
I know what it's like to be put against a hot surface and to be toasty brown afterwards, so I had to warn you.
Narrator: They pick you up and hold you up in the air, certainly not unlike how that monkey picked up Simba in The Lion King.
Jack: I was just about to say: NANTS INGONYAMA BAGITHI BABA!"
(Ingonyama) Hahahaha
Narrator: They praise you endlessly for saving their face, mentioning somewhere in the word vomit that their name is Alex.
Jack: "Somewhere in the[ir] word vomit that their name is Alex". Ok.
Narrator: So, what now?
Jack: Um, let's become best friends and get married! :D
Jack: "Alex and I... have a wonderful relationship, and I work with them at the hot dog cart".
"I *have* abruptly after this experience".
[wait for it...]
"I h- I LEAVE abruptly after this experience. I don't want to talk to this person anymore".
"Alex and I became great friends and attend bowling tournaments every weekend as a team, and you know what"-
"Other friend like- other friend things like that".
I wanna become part of the bowling team!
I don't wanna work at a hot dog cart. I want me and Alex to have the BEST life possible on our bowling team.
Maybe win some tournaments.
Maybe, fucking... get a trophy or two.
Narrator: Unfortunately, years later one of these bowling trips ended in you messing up a throw, it shooting up into the air, and landing on you, crushing you to death instantly.
Jack: Well, of course!
Fuck me for trying to live out my dreams, right?
All I wanted to do was to be the world class first slice of bread bowler!
Don't even have a hand!
And still bowling with the best!
Winning tournaments.
Gettin' strikes.
And 7/10 splits everywhere, but nope.
*sigh* I died doing what I love.
Getting my face sat on.
Narrator: But at least you died doing something you love with one of your best friends, right?
Jack: Yeah, there's worse ways to go.
Like getting your face sat on!
Jack: Ok, we're doing the same thing again!
Actually...
Let's accept my fate. Does that bring me straight to death?
Narrator: That's depressing, that you'd just throw your life away like that.
Jack: Well, the person needs some sustenance!
And I am a part of this circle of life!
Jack: See, bringing it back to Lion King again.
Narrator: Nonetheless, the person that has taken you away from your loving loaf picks you up and carries you to the toaster.
Jack: I'm gonna die, aren't I?
Narrator: But alas, it isn't yet plugged in!
Jack: Aha! There's hope!
Narrator: You realize this diversion might just give you enough time to run away and save yourself.
Jack: Let's go, Mr. Loaf!
Narrator: How do you feel about this?
Jack: Happy! :)
"Terrible! I wish this person would hurry up and burn me alive already".
"I'm feeling some type of way".
Aw, man! I sure am heck in a certain type of something.
Narrator: You're feeling a bit regretful in being the only self-aware slice of bread on the planet, and just throwing it all away.
Jack: YEAH!
I have aspirations! I want to become the first bread doctor!
At one point, people will come in and be like, "The slice will see you now..."
Doctor Bread!
Doctor Slice!
Narrator: Lucky for you, the person that picked you up has now set you down and is fumbling around with the toaster plug, giving you another chance.
Jack: Ok. So, not that one.
Narrator: Would you like to try-
Jack: Yes, yes, yes.
"Eh, sure, fine".
Would you like to make something of your life? Would you like to make a difference?
Eh, sure, why not! Fuck it!
Uhh
Ok. Hop away to freedom I go.
Sa- same as last time.
Go left.
Meet Alex.
Um, this one.
"AAHH-"
Narrator: So what now?
Jack: Let's stay with Alex!
"Have a wonderful relationship, and work with them at the hot dog cart".
Narrator: You get to know Alex better and eventually ask them to go on a date, to which they reply yes.
Jack: Aww, that's beautiful :')
Narrator: You two hit it off famously and you end up working with them at the hot dog cart, ending this small adventure on a good note.
Jack: FINALLY! Something ends well! Do we have bread babies?
And then, when... when it's like time for them to go to sleep, I say,
"Come on, kids. Off to bread".
I'd like that. "Are you guys 'bready' for bread?"
Ready- ready for bed. But it's bread pun.
Narrator: Give yourself a pat on the back, my friend, you've earned it.
Jack: Thanks man.
Thanks *tears*
Aww!
Alex and bread!
Together forever.
YAY!
Story: Sleepy. Backgrounds, Coding, and GUI: Sasquatchii. What?
Engine: Ren'py 6.99.4. 467.
"Thanks for playing".
THERE MUST BE MORE TO IT THAN THAT!
Ok, let's go back to our loaf.
Narrator: You just can't bare it!
N: If you actually had a face, you'd be sadly whispering 'Mama," to your loaf and crying yourself a river.
Jack: "Cry me a river~~~"
"Grow a face",
Jack: AWWW!
Narrator: Wow. You actually did it!
Jack: I'M FUCKING ADORABLE!
The world's cutest slice of bread there ever was!
Narrator: You successfully whisper a soft 'Mama,' into your loaf's imaginary ear and begin to weep.
Jack: Kinda looks like an ear.
Mama!
Narrator: You finish weeping soon after.
Jack: Good.
"Cry some more". Ehhhh
I think I'm all cried out for today.
"Eat myself out of existence because I am so sad about my loaf..."
Ok, I'll go back to crying.
Narrator: You're about to start bawling your eyes out when a thought occurs:
Jack: Why am I... a slice of bread, thinking?
Narrator: You could just stop being a big baby and suck it up!
Jack: YEAH!
Narrator: Are you going to go through with this idea?
Jack: YEAHHH!!
"NO, HOW COULD I?"
"You know what, I think I will!"
Narrator: All the power to ya!
Jack: Fuck yeah!
Narrator: You end up becoming a respectable citizen in society, moving in with a suitable (human) partner, getting a rescue pitbull named Rowzy [Jack: Awww! Pat, pat], and landing a job at a plumbing company.
Jack: Sweet! I don't think plumbing and a slice of bread will go well together. Like it'll get very soggy and very wet and SO-
Maybe that's why!
If there's a spill, Captain Spongey Bread will come in to save the day!
AWW!
Narrator: Sure, those stupid skater kids always call you Mario, but are they eating out at fancy restaurants once every week?
Jack: Why are they calling me Mario?
Am I missing something between the connection between the slice of bread and Mario?
Narrator: Possibly? BUT THAT MEANS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO YOU, AS YOU WENT FROM A PIECE OF BREAD TO A WONDERFUL SPOUSE AND A SUCCESSFUL PLUMBER.
Jack: YES!
WHY ARE WE SHOUTING??
Actually, said every person who's ever watched one of my videos.
This is nice!
Finally! A life worth living! A LOAF worth living, uh if you will.
Narrator: And that's all that matters.
Jack: Aww.
The End- Another happy ending!
I like that my happy endings end up with me...
Uh living with another human.
Not- not finding a nice slice of bread to settle down with, no!
Finding a human to settle down with, and having a life with them.
Hey, at least we got a pitbull out of it!
A rescue pitbull at that!
It's a nice dog.
Scary dog though.
I'm not a fan of pitbulls.
WELL THAT DOES IT FOR THIS VIDEO on a Slice in the Life of Bre- uh
A Life in the Slice of Bre-
A Day in the Life of a Slice of Bread! [yay]
That's what it was called.
A n- a cool little game!
I mean there's not a whole lot to it, and you're just clicking options and everything.
But I like the little art style, too. And I like games like this that have a bitter humor to them, almost like "A Stanley Parable"...
-esque, type of thing.
But that was, that was a lot more interactive.
But this was fun! I was just bouncing around the internet looking for games to play, and this popped up.
So I thought it'd be cool, to do this!
I liked it a lot! I li- I liked the little slice of bread. :3
He's so cute- I'm REALLY hungry right now though.
All this talk of bread and lettuce and mayonnaise and tomatoes and BACON. Awww.
I'm gonna go and make myself a big 'ole sandwich with pizza!
I wish (laughs).
ANYWAY!
Th- this game is free, by the way.
So I'll leave a link in the description, so you guys can go off and get some of the other options that I might have missed in this.
I don't want to do them all. I want to give something back to the developer and something for you guys to be able to do....
To be able to play the game for yourselves as well.
So, go off! Have fun.
Anyway,
THANK you guys, so much for watching this episode!
If you liked it, PUNCH that *life* button in the face!
LIKE A BREAD!
And
(High loaves all around)
*WHA-POOSH* *WHA-POOSH*
THANK YOU GUYS, AND I WILL SEE ALL YOU DUDES...
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
♪ Sandwich time~ Sandwich time~ Time to make sandwich~ ♫