-Footballers attempt to get Leroy Sane in the face!
-Wait - what?
I didn’t sign up for this!
-As first demonstrated by Sadio Mane -Ow!
-In the Man City Bayern game -Wow, that’s the first time Sadio’s hit
the target since October.
HAHAHAHA!
Talk about “little Mane syndrome” HAHAHAA!
-Hey, maybe we should change our name to Bayern Punchen HAHAHAHAHA!
-Enough with the crap jokes already!
ACTION!
-Spoil-sport
-Alexandr Mitrovic
-Go -Sorry
I only assault referees -CHICKEN!
-Ow!
-Haha!
-Ow
-Mitrovic scores
-0!
-You were supposed to punch Leroy Sane not Sadio Mane!
-Maybe he’s dyslexic - ha Ow.
That was uncalled for…
-Errrrr, is that boxing glove bazooka allowed?
-It’s fine by me - go!
-Hey Leroy, what’s a boxer's favourite part of a joke?
-No!
Please don’t…
-The PUNCH-line!
-OW!
-Oops.
SIgh - the aim on this thing is shocking!
That’s why I’ve nicknamed it Sadio - hahahaha!
-ARGH!
-HAHAHAHA!
- Muller scores
-0!
-Which is also the amount we’ll get for Sadio when we sell him in the summer!
-ohhhh -OW!!!!
That was uncalled for!
-Ronaldo?
-Where’s Ronaldo?
-Siu!!!!
-Punch to the face!
Like a WWE boss!
-Ronaldo scores…
-20?
But I nailed it!!!
-You faked it!
-Faked it?
-Yes, WWE is more fake than your teeth -You leave my teeth out of this tongue-tie!
-Tongue-tie?
-It looked pretty real to me, and I should know
-It was probably a blood capsule -Given how much he plucks his eyebrows, he’ll
be using those blood capsules to fake his periods next.
-Wankors
-Haaland!
-Go!
-Wait wait wait!
Leave him alone, Erling!
-Oh, why do you always spoil my fun, boss?
They’re you go, Leroy -Flowers - what for?
-For missing all those chances against us in the Champions League!
We couldn’t have done it without you.
-And tell Dayot the payment has been made to his offshore bank account.
-OW!
-Erling!
I’ll be subbing you off at half-time in the next game for that!
-Haaland scores
-38 -38?
I performed a WWE finisher and still scored less than hair-do?
Unbelievable Jeff
-Neymar Junior
-Go!
-Ah….
-OW!
MY WRIST!
Oh not blood!
I can’t stand the sight of - -ARGH!
-What a fanny
-Neymar scores
-0 -Lamest Bane cosplay ever
-Messi!
-Go!
-Que miras bobo!
Que miras bobo!
-Wow this makes a change - Messi got knocked out and it had nothing to do with me!
HAHAHAHA!
-Messi scores
-10 -Are you okay bestie?
-The man says meaow but I don’t like biscuits -gasps
-Saka!
-Let’s hope he gets it more on target than his penalty against West Ham
-GO!
-Starboy’s time to shine!
-ARGH!!!!
-Ow!
-That’s for ignoring me last week!
-The Arsenal Mascot?
-OOF -And that’s for missing the penalty against
West Ham!
-And that’s for missing the penalty against Italy!
-OW!
-And that’s for missing the penalty against France!
-That was uncalled for…
-Saka scores
-0 -Haha - beaten up by a little girl!
-Embarrassing!
-Even I could have taken her -Oh really?
-ARGH!!!!!!!!
-Go!
-Hello?
Hello?!!!!
-Who the hell is that?
-Todd Boehly…
-H-E-LLO! -he always comes in the dressing room and
chats crap -Howdy doody!
-Laters!
-Can someone let me in please?
I have some advice to give to Raheem -Hi boss - it’s Raheem.
You can’t come in.
-What?
Why?
-Coz you’re a prick bruv.
-What?
-All the mandem at Chelsea hate you -They hate me?
-We all call you Turd Boehly behind your back!
-TURD BOEHLY?
OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!!!
-Even if I did, you couldn’t fit through it - you fat bastord!
-Fat bastord?
-And neither could your morbidly obese mate, James Corden!
-OPEN THIS DOOR!
-Oh hi, Todd.
Big fan.
-Where’s Raheem?!
-Er, Raheem went that a-way.
But before you go and fire him - if you’re looking for a new striker this summer - to
pay a bucketload of cash to to underperform week in week out - then I’m your man!
-Pricks!
- Sterling scores
-0!
-Which is also the amount I’m paying you now you’re fired a-hole!
-OH -Fired - what for?
-Yes, what for Todd?
-Kane -MBE
-Go!
-Hey Leroy, if I don’t punch you will you put a good word in for me with Thomas Tuchel?
-Yes -ARGH!
Oh I missed, damn!
Zero points!
What are you going to say to Thomas, Leroy?
-Erm, how about “Buy Kane Thomas - he can’t be any worse than Sadio”
-OW!
-I’ve got your back Leroy
-Kane scores
-0!
-MIA SAN MIA!
SOMETHING DEUTSCHE MEISTER!
MIA SAN MIA!
-Zlatan
-GO!
-Pony tail whip!
-Ha, that tickled…
-ZLatan, did you just say pony-tail whip?
-Yes, pony tail whip!
-What happened to you Zlatan…
-Zlatan scores
-10 -10?
How was that a 10 you moron?
-I give him a 10 for the long hair -And for the pony tail whip!
-No not for the ponytail whip - you should never do that again
-Maybe Zlatan will pony-tail whip you in the Champions League final!
-You’re not in AC’s Champions League squad -Oh yes…
-What happened to you Zlatan?
-Keane
-Let me at him!
Let me at him!
-You’re not even in the Frontmen, Roy.
CUT!
-FINAL SCORES!
-In last place -and now a free agent and looking for a new
club -Haha
-Raheem Sterling!
-In 9th place -Bakayo Saka
-He bottled it, like he’s bottling the league - LOSER!
-In 8th place -And currently in A&E with a broken wrist
-Neymar Junior -The fanny
-In 7th place -Which is where he’s going to finish in
the league under Tuchel…
-Muller -HALA MADRID!!!
-In 6th place with as dialogue as Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator 1
-Mitrovic
-In 5th place and as hard to understand as Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator 1
-Kane -MBE
-In 4th place and I’ve no idea how…
-Zlatan
-In 3rd place and with possible brain damage -Messi
-Meaow
-In 2nd place and denying all allegations of WWE fakery
-Cirtsiano Ronaldo -Siu - call me Todd!
-And in 1st place -Just like he will be at the final whistle
on Wednesday night -Erling Haaland
-GO CITY!
-Haaland WINS!
-YES!
-But the real winner is me who has just been signed to the WWE on a five year deal for
a sheet-tonne of cash!
-Maybe I’ll join WWE and unleash my signature move on everyone!
THE PONYTAIL WHIP!
Trademark!
-Never do that again Zlatan
-And this is for passing to me in the Sevilla game when I was marked by 3 people!
-OW!
-Zlatan babe - I’m ready for my pony-tail whip!
Zlatan?