Why is my ex on a dating site so soon after our breakup?
That's what we're going to be talking about today, but first, my name is Clay with Modern
Love Life, where we help you get the great loving relationship that you're looking for
without having to play mind games, without having to play hard to get and without having
to pretend to be someone or something that you're not, because you deserve to be loved
for the unique, amazing and wonderful person that you are.
And if you agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up and by subscribing
to the channel if you're not already.
Also, you might want to know that we do have a new training course called Connect and Commit.
You can go ahead and check it out down below in the link in the description box for this
video.
I'm also going to pin a comment in the comment section with a link for more information on
that, but you might want to check it out.
It covers about how to connect and bond with your ex, a group's great through text messaging.
Obviously it looks great through face to face conversations too, but you might want to check
that out.
That's something that you might want a little bit of help with.
Not going to hard to sell you here.
So if it's not something you're into, no worries.
Let's just go ahead and get into the video however.
So if your ex is on a dating website soon after your breakup, first of all, we don't
know how that dating site profile got there.
We don't know the whole story about why it's there.
I mean, maybe your ex was intentionally saying like, "Okay, great, I'm going to go ahead
and put up a profile on match.com or Tinder or some other place or whatever, and intentionally
go out there and start dating and try to meet someone and move on."
Maybe, that's a possibility.
But how do you know?
Maybe they were just hanging out with one of their friends and their friend was like,
"Oh, hey, you've been broken up with your ex for a while now, let's get you on a dating
site here.
Give me your phone, I'm going to download Tinder on it or something and okay, great.
Here, let me take a photo of you.
Okay, great.
Here I set it up for you.
There you go."
And it's just like, "Okay, sure, whatever man, I'm just going to...
Sure, whatever."
And it could have been something like that too.
We don't know the whole story behind why it's there.
So it's not really very resourceful to over analyze it or overthink it or invest too much
energy in trying to understand why that profile is there.
But there are definitely a lot of reasons why your ex might have put up a dating profile.
I mean, sure, we just went over two of them.
But another one is that they're trying to deal with their emotions from this breakup
in the best way that they know how.
And again, a lot of people in our society, I don't know why we do this, but they turn
breakups into a competition.
It's a competition that starts immediately after the two of you break up and it's this
sort of race to see who ends up in a relationship first.
Who ends up married first, who ends up happier first, who ends up however first.
And we kind of have this competition with our ex.
And so there's a lot of pressure that people feel to move on quickly.
There's a lot of pressure that people feel to move on quickly, because as you know from
watching our previous videos on this channel, moving on isn't just about doing the things
that someone who has moved on would do like put up a dating profile or go out on dates
or end up in a relationship or end up getting married, but moving on is actually an emotional
process.
So we can't just do the things that somebody who is moved on would do and expect that we're
going to move on.
Unfortunately, your ex may not be aware of this and they might be thinking that if they
just go on a bunch of dates, they'll feel better.
If they just get a new boyfriend or girlfriend, they will somehow be over you or something
like that.
This is how people end up in rebound relationships.
This is how people end up in really bad situations.
We have a whole series on rebound relationships.
You can check it out up there, but this is how these things happen, is because people
confuse cause and effect.
They think that if I just do the effect side of things, do what somebody who has moved
on from a breakup would do that they will then be over their breakup.
Right?
It doesn't make sense.
We all know that you have to emotionally be over the breakup first before you're actually
able to date and be in a relationship, in a healthy, responsible, mature way.
If you're not, you're just going to end up in one of these disastrous rebound relationships
where there's all kinds of drama and on again off again stuff.
And I mean, you don't need me to tell you about rebound relationships.
I'm sure you've probably seen your fair share of terrible rebound relationships.
Maybe you're even witnessing one right now, happening from your ex right now.
Who knows?
But your ex may be just kind of going along this train of thought that, "Okay, I need
to get into a new relationship as fast as possible because that's how you show that
you're over the breakup, so let's put up a dating profile and see what happens."
And that could be their reasoning for it.
Or maybe they're intentionally trying to genuinely find a new relationship.
My guess is that it's probably really more of the rebound competition kind of thing.
If this is really, really, really soon after your breakup.
Usually somebody doesn't do it in a responsible sense, unless they've actually had the time
to move on emotionally and they've worked through their emotions and all that stuff.
And usually that takes a while for most people.
Granted, some people can bounce back really quick if they're like really, really in touch
with their emotions and they're really, really able and willing to do deep work and all of
that stuff.
But let's just say, chances are pretty good your ex isn't one of those people.
So, chances are they put up a dating profile soon because they're dealing with their breakup
in a poor way and maybe they're trying to get a rebound.
Maybe they're trying to win the competition and see if they can move on first before you.
Maybe they're just putting it up there just to see what else is out there.
Sometimes people just do that just to see what else is out there.
They feel hurt from the past.
They might think that there's too much baggage or history between you and them to sort things
out.
And so they just want to see what else is out there.
Maybe they'll be impressed with what's out there.
Maybe they'll be sorely disappointed with what's out there.
Maybe it's going to be a mixed bag.
Who knows?
But don't overthink this.
Don't be trying to read too much between the lines.
It's just really more of a sign that your ex is doing a really typical thing, which
is to be emotionally unavailable temporarily, at least after a breakup.
They're dealing with their emotions in a way that is not the best way to do it.
They're dealing with their emotions in a way that's outside in.
Groping at external situations like, are people wanting to go out on dates with me?
Are people wanting to message me?
Are people wanting to meet up with me?
Are people wanting to spend time with me?
Are people wanting to be my girlfriend or boyfriend now?
As opposed to dealing with it from the inside out.
And that's a very common, very human thing to do.
I think that people who probably watch this channel are probably a little bit more tuned
into doing inner work, doing deeper work.
And so you're probably not going to make that choice and that's okay.
But don't get pulled into that anxiety trap of, "Oh, my goodness, he's on a dating website.
Does that mean that my relationship with him never meant anything?
Does that mean that our time together was nothing for him and that he's moving on so
fast and then I'm that replaceable and all?"
Don't do that.
That's not true.
You know it's not true.
The time together that you had was absolutely important with him.
Otherwise, he wouldn't have spent that time with you or she wouldn't have spent that time
with you.
So don't doubt that.
Just know that people have a tendency to deal with things in really poor ways.
And that motivates people to do things like put up dating profiles.
And hopefully it just ends at putting up a dating profile.
It doesn't end up with something totally crazy like getting engaged to somebody after knowing
them for two weeks or something like that.
Ask me how I know about that.
But hopefully it's just a short lived thing and it doesn't turn into some sort of disastrous
train wreck of the fallout from being emotionally unavailable temporarily after a breakup.
So, yeah.
Yeah, that's why your ex may have put up a dating profile so soon after the breakup.
Once again, I hope you liked this video.
My name is Clay with Modern Love Life.
Be sure to give this video a thumbs up and subscribe if you're not already.
And if you want to learn more about how to connect with your ex, conversational things
to say to them to help inspire connection at specific make or break points in your interactions
with one another, head down to the link in the description box below and you can learn
more about our training course called Connect and Commit.
It's new, we just put it out a couple of days ago.
Probably by the time this video is posted.
So you might want to check it out.
If it's for you, feel free to sign up.
If it's not for you, no worries, but go ahead and also check out this series over here.
It's on rebound relationships or you might want to check out this video over here, but
thank you once again so much for watching my video and I'll talk to you next time in
the next video.
I hope you have a great day and I hope that everything goes well for you.
Take care and I'll talk to you next time.