the reason why beating an addiction seems so hard is because you're so focused on deprivation
and trying to be on good behavior in this video I'm going to explain to you
why that just doesn't work and a much better way to go about it
for those of you who are new here i'm amber hollingsworth and you are watching put the shovel
down the youtube channel designed to help you understand the science and psychology of addiction
so you can get your life and your family back on track i've been treating people
with addictions and their families for years and years and years i'm here to give you actual real
practical advice so you can get back to living the life that you want to live so let's get back
to this whole idea of deprivation for most of us when we finally make the decision that we want to
beat our addiction we focus on stopping drinking or stopping the drugs or stopping whatever
addictive behavior it is that's causing us trouble which leads us to a feeling of deprivation it also
leads us to this feeling of being controlled nobody likes to feel controlled even if it feels
like yourself is controlling yourself especially when that has to do with something that you're not
allowed to do or something that you're not allowed to have you see we all have this immediate reflex
reaction that just plain out wants to rebel and so while you're being sober under those conditions
we kind of call that like white knuckling it you're just trying your hardest you're using
all your willpower the reason that doesn't work is because when you're feeling deprived you're
actually eating through your willpower at about a million miles an hour and you run short now people
are often successful doing this for periods of time sometimes even what feels like long periods
of time months or even a year or two but the whole time they're doing it they feel like they're being
limited they feel like they're having to do without which is a pretty uncomfortable feeling
which as you can imagine isn't the greatest so let's talk about a better way to go about it
the first thing that needs to happen is you need to have a shift in your thinking now that can come
in several different ways most people think that you have to hit some kind of bottom to decide to
want to get better and i guess that is one way to go about doing it a lot of people make this
thinking shift after something bad has happened however other people just start to think about the
addictive substance or behavior differently sometimes it's like this moment of clarity
where it happens all at once and sometimes it's more like an evolution or a slower process but
eventually you stop seeing this addictive thing in your life as pleasurable or rewarding or helpful
eventually you come to terms with the fact that this addictive thing in your life is bringing you
a lot of pain and heartache and pretty much taking everything that's important away from you now you
can wait until you hit a bottom to have that shift or you can just look at the situation objectively
which is going to require you to really back up get really honest with yourself about what
is this doing for me i mean you may even have to get old school and do the pros and cons
column if you do that i do have one suggestion i i think you should do the short term pros and cons
and the long term pros and cons that'll help give you a more accurate picture on what is
this actually doing for you once you have that thinking shift that's going to lead you to step
number two which is an emotional shift because when you're not thinking you're being deprived
in fact you think you're actually getting something good from the whole bin silver thing
you're going to feel differently you're going to feel more positively about it
and it's not going to feel like that white knuckling process all the time i'm not saying
it's going to be easy wonderful sunshine and rainbows the whole time but what i am saying is
it won't feel so horrible in fact just yesterday i sat down with a client of mine who said oh my gosh
i have the most sober days right this moment than i've had in i can't even remember when
he actually had five days sober and he was pretty like astounded with himself and i was asking him
you know what makes the difference and he said you know what i just i'm tired of feeling sick
all the time i'm just tired of feeling like crap in recovery we call that being sick and tired of
being sick and tired what that means is he finally just got honest with himself you see before this
moment he'd been trying to manage it which means cut it back and it just wasn't working for him
and once he decided you know what i'm just tired of this i'm tired of feeling crappy all the time i
don't want alcohol in my life anymore this isn't doing me any good it's like everything changed
like i said it's not just makes it like so easy like nothing hard about it but i'm
telling you it makes it infinitely more easy than when you're trying to white knuckle it
now if you're following what i'm saying here or you're getting value out of this video
make sure you give it a thumbs up and the third step in this process is you have to create some
accountability i talk about accountability in quite a few of my videos but early on recovery
it really is the key because even when you have a thinking shift and you have an emotional shift
there are going to be times or days when it's really hard or you're in a higher situation and
when you have that accountability there it's the safety net that holds you in place when
you're out of willpower or when you're having a hard time or when you're in a high-risk situation
creating accountability is essential now the fourth step in that process is focusing on
not what you don't have anymore the drugs the alcohol the whatever but focusing on building a
positive life that you love you see when you focus on creating a life in a situation that you're
really happy with as you can imagine your desire for whatever that addictive behavior was goes way
down because you're kind of happy like you are and you definitely feel way better if that sounds like
something you're interested in then check in the description because i put a link down there to our
30 day jump start program that's the program that i give to my clients when they're new and they're
just starting out on the journey and what it is is a series of little bitty short video messages
that come to your inbox each day i mean these messages are like two to three minutes long but
they will help you stay motivated give you helpful tips and tricks and advice about how to overcome
roadblocks that could be coming your way you can get that for free link in the description and the
fifth step in your journey of overcoming addiction or beating addiction whatever you want to call it
is practicing gratitude once you've made all those big changes you've created a life that you like
it's important to stay humble and grateful about that to remember where you've been
and how far you've come that fifth step is really what's going to keep you stable and moving forward
in your newly created life now to help you have that shift in thinking that you're looking for
i want you to watch this video next i'm putting it right up here all you have to do is click on it