Hello and welcome back. This is the second video in the social anxiety series.
Now... If you haven't seen the first one yet, I would definitely recommend
watching it, because this whole thing will make much more sense if you watch
the videos in the correct order. Today we will be discussing all the various
situations that may cause social anxiety, but before we move on to the main point,
I want to backtrack a little bit and talk about something that I've said in
the previous video. So - I've said that introversion is something you're born
with and it is a character trait. Now, a couple of people argued that this was
not something you're born with and it was not a character trait. It's rather
a personality trait. So I backtracked, I decided to do a little bit more research,
and it turned out that I was correct when I said that introversion is
something you're born with, because you cannot choose whether you're
an introvert or an extrovert. However, it's not a character trait, it's a personality trait.
So, long story short: personality traits are something you are born with
and you cannot change it. You cannot choose, as I've said, to be an introvert
or an extrovert. You don't learn to be an extrovert or an introvert. And character
traits is something you learn, mostly when you are a child... However, as far as
I know, you can change your character traits. It takes a lot of work to change
them, but they are changeable. So, once again. Introversion is something you're
born with, but it's not a character trait. It's a personality trait. Okay, so now
that we've got this out of the way, we can move on to the main point.
And thank you so much... Thumbs up to the person who pointed out that it's not a character trait,
it's a personality trait, thank you very much...
Just, you know, remember that I want this series to be as scientifically accurate
as it can be, so if you ever notice any mistakes... feel free to point them out.
Okay, so now, finally moving on. As I've mentioned before, social anxiety doesn't
manifest itself only when you have to interact with someone. Social anxiety
can become an issue even if you don't really have to say a single word.
The list of social situations that cause anxiety is pretty much endless, because
obviously, it changes from person to person, so I just wanna attempt listing
at least forty situations that might cause anxiety, based on my own experience.
So... Let's just move on. Eating in front of other people or in public places.
Public speaking. Entering a room full of people. Typing or writing in front of others and
for that matter, performing any other activities in front of others. Having to
perform activities that are new to you and you don't really have the knowledge
on how to act in a given situation... So, for example: when you are in a different
city or a different country and you get on the bus and you have to validate
the ticket or you have to open the door... But you don't know how to do it... So, this
situation might cause anxiety, social anxiety, because you feel as though
people all around you are watching you and they are just waiting for you to
make a mistake... And yeah, basically, just because you don't know how to do
something, you think that they will all automatically laugh at you. Standing up
in a room full of people when you have to throw something into the bin or when
you have to leave the room... Even if you really really really have to go to
the bathroom... to the restroom, really bad. Speaking in a different language,
especially when you're talking to a native speaker, so that you know that
they will probably pick up all of the tiniest, tiniest mistakes you might make.
Talking to authority figures. Going to the gym.
Going on a date. Talking to new people. Talking to people you are attracted to.
Asking for help in a shop, so for example, asking for a different size of
a clothing item. Ordering food at a restaurant or ordering drinks at a bar.
Answering the phone even, if you know who's calling. Making phone calls. Buying
at shops with no self service. Going to the post office. Having to take care of
any sort of official stuff, so... Situations that involve, you know, going to the bank
for example... Basically, anything bureaucracy related. Going to the library,
especially when it's big and it's new. Joining a group of people or
a conversation... So, basically, as an example: you arrive at a meeting and there's
already a group of people standing together, so just standing at
a distance feels extremely awkward, but joining them feels even more awkward,
so you're just stuck in an extremely distressing situation. Asking someone to
move on a bench, even when you feel as though you're about to pass out,
or you're feeling extremely weak and you really need to sit down. Starting the
conversation first. If you have social anxiety, you pretty much never do it,
because you don't want to be a burden. You don't want to be annoying and you
generally assume that people don't really want to talk to you. At all.
Speaking up in a class or in a meeting. Getting called to the board. I don't know
if that's how you say this in English, but yeah, basically, I think you
know what I mean. That obviously... That happens especially when you're still in school.
Job interviews. All kinds of small talk, especially at a hair or a beauty
salon. Using public restrooms, or for that matter, using bathrooms in an apartment,
when you know that someone is outside the door and might actually hear
you do your thing. Meeting your neighbors in the hallway.
So... People with social anxiety will, most of the time... They will just... if they hear
someone outside the door, they will just wait before their neighbors leave.
Taking the lift when someone's in it. Keeping eye contact. Standing up in a film
theater, when you really have to switch places, because you're sitting too far
or too close to the screen and you just can't see very well. Doing anything you
know you're bad at in front of others. So... for me that's singing and bowling, which
is a very strange mix, I know. Having to find a partner in groups, so it can be
a business meeting or it could be in class. Going abroad because everything is new
and you can't really enjoy yourself, because social anxiety just keeps
following you around. Going on live TV, which I know doesn't really happen to
many people but it happened to me and obviously I was extremely extremely
nervous. However, when you watch that video you can't really tell... I look...
I look so calm... However, I was very... I was extremely defensive, so basically, I had
so much to say... So much more to say, but instead of doing that, I just, you know,
when I got a question, when someone asked me a question, I would just say two
or three sentences and then I would stop, because I thought that the less I talk,
the less probable it is that I will make a mistake and say something stupid on
live TV. Working with professionals when you know they already went through all
of it and they know what they are doing. So, for me that would be directing on
a real real film set. I'm guessing that all of the people
on a real film set would already have some experience and they would know what they
are doing. And as you probably know, being a director equals being the
center of attention, so that's an extremely extremely stressful situation...
But I really am hoping that I will have an opportunity to tackle it one day.
Checking in at a hotel. Making appointments, especially on the phone.
Doing anything that's spontaneous, so you didn't really have the time to fully plan it.
So these are all the situations that come to mind and I'm afraid that
they are all based on my private experience. So as you can probably tell,
my social anxiety was quite severe... Basically every single social situation
I could think of. And for so many years... So so many years,
I thought I was just extremely shy and that is the way it's supposed to be.
It was such a relief when I realized that it's got a name and that it's social
anxiety... And that it can be cured through therapy. I'm sure that there are more
examples, because my social anxiety always was and still is - a little bit -
mainly based in real life. I don't really get anxious... That anxious when I'm online.
Being online doesn't really stress me out that much, because I feel like I have
all the time in the world to edit out all of the mistakes, and that whatever I
post online is highly highly filtered. There's very little room for error when
you are online. In real life though, when I do something stupid or say something
stupid in front of other people, there is no way I can take that back. I can't
really edit that out, which adds so much anxiety to the equation. And I think
it's the... it's the third time or maybe even the fourth time that I am
explaining this, but I keep getting questions about "how is it
possible that someone with social anxiety can be online and can put
herself out there?". And yeah... Basically, I feel like I have to explain this at
every opportunity. However, there are people who experience distress even when
they are online and even when they are posting as anonymous. On the other hand,
there might be people out there, whose social anxiety is not even half as
severe as mine was, okay? And they still might get diagnosed with social anxiety.
You don't have to experience anxiety in all of the situations I've mentioned,
all of the situations I've listed... Just because you don't experience social
anxiety or distress in all of the situations, does not mean you don't
suffer from social anxiety, so please keep that in mind. It is a spectrum.
This is why it is so important to see a specialist, so that someone who knows
what they are doing can properly diagnose you and tell you whether you're
just shy or whether you are just an introvert or whether you really have
social anxiety. To end this video: I've noticed there are some individuals
struggling with mental health issues, who continuously go on about how much worse
off they are in regards to the severity of their symptoms and how much easier
others have it... Let's get one thing straight: it's a spectrum. So just because
you have more problems than others do, it doesn't mean that the struggles of other
people are irrelevant. You're not the one to decide whether someone suffers from
a mental disorder or not. If you want to have some fun bidding,
go win yourself of painting, because mental health is not an auction.
So let's stop romanticizing mental health issues and let's just stick
together, shall we? And on that note, I will end this video.
Remember you can follow me on Instagram. I post a little bit more often there and...
Yeah. I will see you in my next video. Bye!