♪ ♪
What up, beautiful people?
It is your homegirl, Ms. Shameless,
all up in her House of Shameless.
This is my production office.
It's been five years since I started my YouTube channel.
Five. Years.
I was throwing a five-year anniversary party
here in Los Angeles if you live here.
You can come alone. You can make friends.
But I had this event last year,
and people leave making friends.
You guys get to network and have fun.
And it's a totally inspiring, just super-cute, fun event.
Amy Pham, deejay Amy Pham and Min Pham
are going to be spinning the turntables.
I have special guests that are going to be popping up.
Get your tickets before it sells out.
Link is in the description box below.
About five years ago, it was in my house,
and it wasn't very shameless, and it was in New York City.
Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday to us for doing this together.
A big thing in my life was, I was always a quiet person.
I was always shy.
But I had a lot of energy and creativity bottled up.
But because I was too ashamed to let that out,
I kept it quiet and held it back.
If younger Maya saw this Maya today, she'd be really happy,
because I used to always be inspired by
big, shameless personalities, because I was never that.
I was always quiet.
I was shameless with my cousins, but that was it.
I asked myself the question, what would happen
if I shamelessly promoted myself online?
My goodness, what was wrong with me?
I came up with it, and I filmed a video,
and I did that in New York at this art collective
I used to be a part of called Con Artist,
and this is a video.
Hi guys, my name is Maya,
and I'm a New York City-based artist
living in New York City.
I want to learn how to put myself out there.
I formulated this challenge, this social media experiment.
What would happen if I shamelessly self-promoted myself
for 365 days of the year?
It really came about because I was an artist,
and I was full of shame, and I liked to hide my work.
I focused on being a perfectionist.
I focused on being better but never putting myself out there.
And when my friend had suggested that I go on YouTube,
I thought it was tacky; I thought it was shameless.
And I was like, you know what, girl,
I don't even know why I'm acting like this.
I have nothing to lose. And I literally had nothing to lose.
The older you get, the more you realize
or hopefully you realize that this is your life,
and you get one chance to live it.
A lot of my shame came from my upbringing.
I was raised in a strict Catholic Filipino household.
And my mom always taught me to be humble and don't be loud.
Just tone it down. Just dim it down. Tone it down.
And maybe I wouldn't define it as shame then,
but I think being humble can develop into being ashamed
because you have to reserve yourself.
You can't be loud. You can't be bold. You can't be shameless.
So some of the things I was ashamed of was my work.
Namely, I have a background in photography and acting,
and it was so awkward for me to put myself out there,
to promote the craft that I studied,
the craft that I worked really hard at,
and to tell people, like, hey, I do this. Look at it.
And even more so than that, give me money
so I can give you this service.
And it's just like, that's really hard for an artist.
I think a lot of artists struggle with that.
And yes, artists are people, but I specifically had this video
and this challenge for artists originally.
But obviously it's open to everyone.
You don't need to be afraid.
And I feel that our fears come from an insecurity
of us judging ourselves, of others judging ourself --
I think it's that insecurity of the fear of what others think
overlaps with the concept of shame.
So doing you means to do, to create, to make,
to get out of your head and actually do something,
but being shameless means putting yourself out there
so it can be celebrated with other people.
This is not like a loner
like I'm living my life by myself for myself,
because we live in a community with people,
and at the end of the day, yes, we want to be accepted,
so it's a balance of doing what feeds your soul
while involving other people into the conversation.
When I said I'm going to be shameless,
people say, when is the moment that that happened for you?
And it literally happened when I said that.
When I said, I'm going to be shameless.
It was just me making a declaration.
I remember walking into work,
and I was working at a bar in New York, cocktail serving,
and I remember I felt really happy.
It was like a big weight had been lifted,
because I made a promise to myself,
and I had steps in place on what I needed to do
to be shameless.
And I didn't know where it was going to take me,
but I knew that giving myself permission online
bled and fed in other ways.
But the concept of being shameless
really came into play when I was going through my divorce,
and I wanted to stay in a marriage
because I was ashamed of disappointing my family,
disappointing my friends.
And I'm like, girl, you can't contradict the lifestyle
that you've created for yourself.
You can't contradict the declaration
you made to be shameless.
You're with someone that doesn't even want to be with you,
so why are you hanging on for dear life?
So don't be ashamed of the backlash from other people.
How are you really feeling?
When I was honest with myself,
I was able to make a decision and move forward.
It's hard living with what you think
other people think of you and what you think of yourself.
There's so much pressure that we put on ourselves
based on judgment and shame.
And the minute you can let go of that,
it will transform your life.
And so even though it was an online declaration
to promote myself online,
promoting yourself just means to grow yourself.
And that applies in every area of your life.
I would say moving out of my house was
one of many shameless acts,
and that happened well before this challenge.
And I was 18.
And it taught me independence,
and it taught me to be responsible.
But it also taught me to put myself out there,
because I moved from Toronto to Los Angeles,
and I had to figure things out,
and I didn't have anyone to lean on to help me get somewhere
or help me get something.
I couldn't ask them or expect them to do that for me.
So I had to be shameless, in a sense,
and ask for a job, ask for a place to stay.
That prepared me for my shameless milestone
over a decade later and moving back to LA.
This time I'm living in my dream loft
when previously I had been struggling to pay rent, both
as a teenager and while living in the 'hood in New York City.
That's a full-circle moment, for sure.
Definitely a huge milestone on my shameless journey
would have to be working with Prince.
He found me on YouTube because I was shameless
and became a fan of my photography.
I ended up going with him on the road
when he performed at concerts, when he performed in his home.
And finally, his album cover for Artificial Age,
and for a young girl who dreamed of
having a small column in a magazine
to having the images appear in Times Square
and all across the world --
would have to top my list of shameless acts,
working with the prince of shamelessness.
Let me just look at my YouTube channel.
The first one was definitely uploading a video.
That was the most terrifying thing I'd ever done.
I bawled my eyes out after I uploaded it, because
I was so afraid and ashamed of what people would think.
That actually happened for the first three videos.
Oh, my natural curly hair routine --
that was another shameless act,
because I put myself in a shower, naked.
I was naked. I didn't have a bikini. I was naked.
So that was very shameless, and at the time
people weren't filming tutorials in their showers.
Crashing New York Fashion Week
was a big shameless milestone for me.
I showed up with security guards.
You can watch the video here. But that was very shameless.
And then of course shaving my hair live on YouTube
was a definite shameless act.
And following that, coming out with a single,
a rap single on iTunes with words written by yours truly
on what it means to be shameless was shameless.
♪ Stay in the game, playin' the game, ♪
♪ with no name, just for shame, no claim to fame. ♪
♪ Break the rules, showin' these fools ♪
♪ it's the dawn of the new school. ♪
♪ We will -- ♪
Shameless doesn't necessarily have to be loud, fierce, bold,
but it could also be things that
you're just ashamed or afraid to do.
So for me, asking help from other people --
that's a big thing for me.
And for me to work in a production office
with a team of people, it was and still is hard for me
to ask for people to do things,
because I'm still in this mindset of, do it yourself.
You can do it. You can figure it out.
Don't put that on someone else.
I'm like, girl, what you paying them for?
And it was just being able to keep going.
Yes, it was encouraging to have positive
feedback and comments online,
but to be able to see something through week after week,
it boosted my confidence.
Like, you've done this for one week.
You've done this for two weeks.
The more you do it, the better you'll get.
So my confidence came from just doing it more.
In order to gain, you have to give up.
There has to be some sort of sacrifice.
It could be your firstborn, your dog -- I'm joking.
For me, it had to be something
that was taking up an area of my life.
So celibacy was one thing that I sacrificed
in order to gain and grow,
and I'm not kidding you -- listen --
I got the videos online to prove it,
but three years ago my life was very different,
and then I made a promise to abstain from sex in my life.
Because I gave that one area up, I was able to excel in work.
So I'm not necessarily telling people
to be abstinent, be celibate,
but if there's an area in your life
that you can give and sacrifice, do that.
Me learning about sacrifice came from reading the Bible.
Giving, sacrificially, money --
at church I'd always give like a dollar, thinking --
I was like, yo, that's a dollar bill, y'all.
And then I was like, wait a minute.
Let me try to give more. So then I'd give five dollars.
And then I'm like, whoa. Let me try 20.
This is a lot, for me to give $20.
Twenty dollars is a lot of money.
Especially when you're struggling in New York City.
But I just started to give more,
and that allowed me to receive more,
and if you can find an area of your life where you can give,
whether it's your time, money -- do that,
because it will transform your life.
I take my head with me. I don't make rash decisions.
I don't just decide out of thin air
that I'm going to do this.
When I decided to be shameless, it had taken me a month
to weigh out, what would I gain from this?
What would I lose from this?
And then when I realized, not a whole lot,
then I took that risk.
But I took my head with me in the process.
So look at all your options,
and when you see that there's more pros than cons,
then go ahead and take a risk.
And sometimes it might not even be the case,
but look at all things considered.
I feel like a lot of the things that I've done on impulse --
maybe not all of them, but a good handful of them --
I was like, why'd I do that?
The things that I've planned and worked towards
have been way more satisfying.
For me, moving to Los Angeles when I was 18,
I didn't decide it on a whim.
I made the decision, and I thought about it,
and I'm like, okay, well, where would I live?
How would I get around?
How much money would I need for a month? Two, three months?
And then once I figured all of that out,
then I booked a ticket.
I remember when I came to LA, I had been
reading the maps so much in Toronto
that when I came here, it was like a pop-up map,
because I knew where everything was,
because I studied that map inside and out.
I sometimes feel like people misuse that word to kill dreams,
and they're like, be practical. Be realistic.
And I'm like, so long as
it doesn't stop you from attempting.
I think there's more value in trying something and failing
than not having tried at all.
A financial habit that I cultivated
when I was living in New York, which was 25 years old --
it took me that long to figure it out,
and then I still need to figure it out --
was to save 10% of everything I earned.
And that transformed my bank account.
Every time I got a check, whether it was for $200,
for $2,000, I always took 10% and put it in a savings,
and I didn't touch it.
I remember when I saved $10,000 for the first time,
I was like, what is life? This was before YouTube.
I was like, I made all this money,
and every time I put more money in,
it was that much more precious to want to take out.
And in the beginning, it was like, whatever, whatever,
but then it started to grow, and I'm like, damn.
So if you can learn the discipline to start something
and see it through, you'll be surprised where you end up.
And it takes time, but nothing worth having comes overnight.
I think it's really important, again, to do you, boo,
and be shameless.
And that means unplugging from social media.
You have to cancel out all the noise,
because social media is very loud, and it's a distraction.
And that's something that you can sacrifice to gain.
Be disciplined in terms of how much you're scrolling.
If you can set aside a certain amount of time in a day, or,
this is the only time frame that you go through social media
-- and using it to be inspired,
and flag the things that inspire you.
If you're following someone who kind of triggers you,
I would suggest that you unfollow them.
And it's nothing personal.
And I had to do that for myself,
and some people took it personal, because they're like,
oh, you're a hater.
I'm like, perhaps! Perhaps I am a hater.
And that's why I need to stop following,
because I hate my life after I look at your life.
It makes me feel some type of way,
and the best thing for me to do is not follow.
Do I hate this person? No.
But that's being honest and real with myself.
And once you can be honest with yourself, you can
take the actions necessary to take care of yourself.
I got three, they call them the three C's,
and the first one is Content.
What are you putting out there?
Is this information that you would find helpful?
Is this information or content that you like
versus what you think other people would like?
Then there's Consistency,
being consistent with when you post, how often you post.
And the way social media runs is on algorithms.
So if you want to be plugged into that algorithm,
being consistent will help with that.
And then the third is Call to action.
Asking your viewers or the people that are following you
to do something, and it's not a kind of flamboyant ask.
It's like, the more you can think about the ask
or the question that you're going to write,
the more personal, the more real it is from you,
the more engaged your readers or your followers are going to be
to want to respond.
Three C's.
My advice for you boos that are watching,
whether you're 18, whether you're 55,
I would say whatever has been weighing on your heart to do,
take the first step and do it,
whether that means writing your goal down --
and I'm big on writing things down.
I'm the queen of the napkin-writing.
I would write things on napkins, and my cousins would keep it,
and then they would pull it out.
They're like, Maya, look what I found!
And it's just like, damn. I wrote that. And it happened.
One of them was, I will be living in New York or LA
within five years.
And then I literally did both of those.
I have a journal that's 15 years old,
and all of the things that I wrote in that journal,
I'm living out, and it's insane.
So I think that writing things down is definitely powerful.
I encourage you to take the life that you have
and mold it and shape it into the life that you want.
I wasn't born with money. I was born poor.
I was born with a single mother raising me, and a brother,
and I literally looked up to my role models,
the people that inspired me,
Jesus, Grace Jones and Bruce Lee being a few big ones.
And I took bits and pieces of their life,
and I allowed it to inspire mine,
and I shaped the life that I wanted,
and I was so fortunate to have a mom that loved me
and that cared for me and that pumped me with positivity,
protected me from the evil that is out there in the world.
Belief and faith and confidence comes from doing.
You have to do it. You have to get out of your head.
I can live in my head all day.
I can have all these brilliant and amazing ideas.
But that doesn't mean shit if I'm not actually
putting the action behind it to do it.
Be more focused on what you need to do to get from A to B
versus what someone can do to help you get from A to B.
And I feel like a lot of people get inspired
when they watch my videos,
and then they send me an email and ask me for help.
All y'all Millennials are spoiled
with your asking for help for X, Y and Z,
and it's just like, you need to help you
before you can expect help from other people.
And it will be that much more powerful
when somebody does come into your world,
because when you start taking those steps forward,
the universe, God, whatever you want to call it
will start bringing people into your world and your circle
to help you along the way,
and you didn't even have to ask that.
Don't give up.
This is the day and age to live and dream and dream big.
What's next for moi and my shamelessness?
I got a production office, okay?
So I want to take this office and this staff
and the visions that we have and continue to grow that.
Some specifics for you guys -- a scripted show.
We're working on our merchandise for the store.
More events in other cities.
And just continuing to be inspired while inspiring you.
That was something I wrote down on my vision board,
like, 10 years ago.
And remember to do you, boo. And I mean do.
Do something, okay? Don't just say it. Do it.
And be shameless.
♪ ♪