Marianne DeNovellis here with a Six Figure Mastermind. Today, we're going to be talking
about how to deal with the negative people in our world and it's not what
you think so watch this video to find out what it really takes.
Hey there, it's Marianne DeNovellis and today, we're answering the question:
How to deal with negative people? If you're anything like me, you know that there's a
lot of debbie downers out there, you know that there's a lot of people that are
going to say, "No, stop you can't, that's a bad idea." or even if you're on social media.
I have seen this over and over again, "Oh I stopped using social media because there
was so much negativity online that it was just getting to me." Man, I have felt
that so heavy at times where other people will just feel like a garbage
dump and dump and dump and dump and all the gossip and all the bashing just
feels so heavy. How do we break through it? How do we get rid of the negativity
in our life? Especially when let's say, some negative people in your world are
people that you actually love and love to be around. Maybe there's some
family members that fall into that same category. Maybe there's some close
friends or some longtime acquaintances that found that category and you're
struggling with, "Man, I would really love to stay in touch with this person but
there's just so much that's going on that I don't like and doesn't feel good
when we have conversations or we see that you see each other online." So here's
the question: How do we deal with negative people? First things first,
really get clear on what it is that you do want. Whatever you focus on grows and
that's worth writing down. Let me just ask you a question. Maybe in your world,
at some point in your life, you've gotten a new car or one that's at least new to
you. What did you notice as soon as you stepped into that vehicle and started
driving it around for a week or two? I bet you noticed that same car on the
road, maybe even the same color over and over and over again. I'll never forget
when I stepped into a Geo Metro that I didn't even buy, it was my parents' first
car. I noticed that Geo Metro everywhere and this was 20 years ago and I still
noticed the Geo Metro on the road because that was a first car, and I'm not
a car girl, but it was the first car that's stuck in my mind because I had a
perception filter for it and here's what a perception filter is.. The human brain
is hardwired, it sends a lot of time hardwired from validation and by
validation, I mean this, as human beings we really want to know that we made the
right choice so when you step into your new vehicle, when you step into your new
car and you start driving around and you find yourself suddenly noticing all of
these other cars on the roads that are exactly like yours, your brain is looking
for that because it wants to know that it made the right decision and this is
what we mean when we say whatever you look for will grow. So what are we
looking for? If we are constantly saying, "Oh my life is so full of negative people.
Oh I can't be on social media because all of the garbage that I see online."
You're looking for it and a lot of people, "Oh that's hard to hear" But
try this on.. Think about the car for example, what if you were to say,
"Oh I love being surrounded by positive people. I love being the beacon of positivity in
my world. I love finding my supporters and people that help me get to where I
need to go." When that happens and you start looking for what you actually want,
you'll find that a lot of the negativity will disappear. Another way to get rid of
the negativity in your world is to understand why it's there in the first
place. Now think about this, maybe you have gone to the gym, maybe you went this
morning, you're planning to go tomorrow morning or maybe you're on your way
there right now, maybe you're watching this at the gym, if you're at the gym,
you're experiencing what's called resistance. Now what is resistance? For a
moment, imagine yourself at the gym except instead of being on the earth,
imagine your gym being on the moon. You've got maybe a hundred and twenty
pounds on your bench press that you're lifting up but on the moon, it's what?
A sixth of the weight so it's just a fraction of what you're experiencing on
earth and let me just ask you, are you going to get any stronger if you're lifting
one-sixth of the weight that you do as a bench press on earth? Your muscles are
not going to grow, they just won't. If you're at the gym and
you're, maybe let's put you back on earth, you're at the gym and you're saying,
"Oh I want to get stronger. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy. I want my muscles to
grow." But how have that hard work, who wants that? Who wants that resistance?
Who wants to break a sweat? Who wants to invest all that time and energy and who
wants to really be up against the metal and lift heavy stuff all day? Who does
that? Well, we do it to get stronger. In this case, we get to be thankful for the
resistance, we get to express gratitude. You don't go to the gym to lift nothing,
you don't go on a run outside because it's easy or because there's no
resistance for you, you go because of the resistance and the resistance is exactly
what makes you stronger. Now how do we bring that into the realm of negative
people? We're going to go into a topic that I love called feedback. Now feedback is
an interesting thing. No matter what you do, where you go, what you say, you are
going to get feedback in your world and feedback could look anything like,
"Oh I support you, I love what you're doing." to "You should stop, slam on the brakes and
abandon the car because what you're doing is no good." I got two ideas for you.
Question yourself on this.. Is all feedback valid? Take for example some
feedback, let's say that you want to run a marathon and you're getting some
feedback from people to "Oh, you know what? My sister actually broke her leg riding
a marathon, you should never do that." or "Marathons are for crazy people. Do you
know the damage that will do on your bones that have all of that impact?"
That's feedback. Now take another group of people and they are married and maybe
their marathon runners just like you and they say, "I remember my first marathon. I
remember the feeling of the community all around me. I remember putting on my
number for the first time. I've even got a wall in my home with all my numbers. I
remember the adrenaline rush of having accomplished something that I've never
done before, you're going to love it." Now is both feedback valid? You got a
question that.Maybe the feedback that says you shouldn't do it, it's going to be
hard for you, you're going to break your leg, maybe that feedback doesn't apply to you
because you have already gotten clear on your decision to go forward. Some
feedback is valid, some feedback isn't. The feedback that supports your decision
is valid for you and maybe some feedback that says, "Oh, my sister broke
her leg." Maybe you can even make that valid by saying, "Oh what happened?" And
maybe there's a preventive way for me to keep myself more in health during my
marathon. So some feedback is valid, some feedback isn't, that's just what I want
you to ask yourself. If you're getting feedback from decisions that you made,
step into what I call Switzerland. Switzerland is a neutral zone, we don't
take sides, we don't do that and I'm going to say, okay, all of my personal
feelings and emotions aside, is this feedback valid? And if it is, then it's
useful. So I'm going to question myself, is it valid? Yes or no? But I'm going to ask
ask you to question this.., Is all feedback useful? And I submit that it absolutely
is, even feedback that offers resistance for you is useful because you know
either that you're on the right track or you get to make a shift. So let's go back
to our example, you decided to run a marathon, you know the date, you're
training, you found a community that supports you and maybe you've got this
community over here that knows your history but doesn't know your future and
is not supporting you. If you're in a neutral zone, in Switzerland, you can
examine all of that feedback and say, "Yep, that's helpful.
Yep, that's helpful. Yep, I love that support.Yo you bring up some really good
ideas and some concerns, I'm going to actually do some preventive measures so
that I can have the best experience possible."
So negativity, maybe it's just resistance trying to help you out. Now it's time to
make room for some choice. You know we all came to this planet with different
ideas, different experience, different concepts and as we go throughout life, we
can generally make one decision after another that may or may not match
someone else's idea of the best. Someone else may make decisions that may not
match our idea of what's best. Here's something I want you to write down,
underline, circle, put exclamation points on and taped every mirror in your house.
I cannot know what's best for another person. I can only know what's best for me.
Keep that thought in mind and here's why that's so important.. Every different
person that comes in our realm of experience has their own
perception filters. What I mean by that is they've had their own experiences,
they've had their own times of trial, they have had their own times of testing,
they've had their own joys, they've had their own experiences in this world that
brought them decisions or created decisions with inside within them that
said some things are a good idea and some things are a bad idea. Everyone in
your world gets to be at choice. We said before, we can't know what's best for
another person and I don't even try, all I can do is open the door and see what's
possible. I can't make anyone do anything. I can't make anyone feel anything. I
can't make anyone know anything and the same goes for you, no one can make you
feel a certain way. All they can do is an extend an invitation, I mean really think
about it, no one can actually shrink down to the
microbots size and jump into your mind and pull the plugs here and plug them in
here and release the chemicals of serotonin or dopamine or cortisol, they
can't do that! It's not possible. All they can do is an extend an invitation and
sometimes an invitation maybe an invitation to be sad or angry, hurt or
upset, you, it's your job whether or not you want to accept and open the letter.
If someone in your world comes at you very combative, you have the choice,
you're going to expand a time between stimulus and response which means you've
got some information, some input from one of your five senses that says you should
act, feel or be a certain way. You get to extend that time and say, how do I want
to respond to this? How do I want to show up here? Do I want to accept the
invitation or I'm going to say return to sender? How do you want to feel? Get clear
on what that looks like for you and then make every step that you take in your
world fit an alignment with what you want to create feel and be.
Okay, now you've got all the steps that you need to get in and out of those negative
situations to surround yourself with amazing friends, to find the best people
in your world. If you really want to find some really really
cool people to hang out with, click on the link below, come to our next three
day event and come check out the amazing group of people that are there at
Limitless.