The longest government shutdown in American history
is still going.
It is now day 26,
and the effects continue to pile up.
The Coast Guard isn't getting paid.
Imports aren't getting through customs.
And things have gotten so desperate
that the Pentagon has been downgraded to a square.
And while we've known from the start
that one of the shutdown's worst effects
is that 800,000 government workers
would not be getting a paycheck,
we're now learning that all of America
is about to lose a lot of cash.
The longest government shutdown in U.S. history.
-Now day 26. -Mm-hmm.
The White House team of economists now says
it's twice as bad for the economy as they had predicted.
REPORTER: On Wall Street, concern
the shutdown ripple effect
could soon damage the U.S. economy.
Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JPMorgan Chase, warning
first quarter economic growth for the entire country
could be wiped out
if the shutdown continues through March.
Wow.
The shutdown could wipe out
an entire quarter of GDP growth.
That is-- that's a pretty dire warning
coming from Wall Street.
And you'd think Trump would pay attention to that,
because he loves Wall Street, right?
He thinks that's where you get the wall.
He's gonna show up, like, "Hello, I'm here to buy a wall."
Be like, "Sir, you-you can't buy a wall here."
He's like, "Oh, my bad.
Mexico's here to buy a wall."
So, obviously,
things are not going well for America right now,
which is awkward for President Trump,
because his big State of the Union speech
is less than two weeks away.
Although, today, Nancy Pelosi suggested
that maybe now is not a good time.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has sent a letter
to President Trump asking to move the day
of the State of the Union address,
citing security concerns.
Pelosi writes, "Sadly, given the security concerns,
"unless government reopens this week,
"I suggest we work together to determine
"another suitable date after government has reopened
"for this address or for you to consider delivering
"your State of the Union address in writing
to Congress on January 29."
That's right. Not only is the state of the union uncertain--
the state of the State of the Union is uncertain.
And Nancy Pelosi, she's kind of right.
It is tough to convince people
that the state of the union is strong
when you have to give the speech by candlelight
because the government hasn't paid its bills.
Trump's just gonna be sitting there, like,
"Closer, Mitch. Closer, clo-- Not too close.
I swear to God, if you burn my weave, bitch."
But I-I personally hope they can fix this soon.
Because Trump delivering the State of the Union in writing
would be a disaster, okay?
I mean, this is the same guy who tweeted
the word "hamberders" yesterday.
Like, if Trump writes his speech down,
he's gonna end up declaring that the state of the union
is schlong. It's not gonna be--
not gonna work out.
And, plus, if-if he doesn't do the speech out loud,
we'd all miss out on all the weird physical stuff
that he does, you know?
Unless, unless, unless he writes that into the speech, too.
Then it would work. If he was like,
"We need to pull out of Syria--
"sniff for eight seconds--
"and we need to kick out illegal immigrants--
"finger gun, bouncy ball,
"finger gun, draw the blinds,
"bring it home with the accordion, folks.
Bring it home."
(cheering and applause)
And, now,
and, now, if you're thinking to yourself,
"America's in chaos right now,"
well, I'm here to tell you
it's nothing compared to what's happening in the UK.
Because two and a half years after the British voted
to leave the EU, they still haven't determined
how they're leaving,
what they'll do with their trade,
and how their borders are going to work.
My proposal-- build a wall. Anyway...
(laughter)
Britain only has until March
to figure out what they're going to do with Brexit.
Yesterday, Prime Minister Theresa May introduced her plan
to Parliament, and, uh, let's just put it this way.
Like a week-old blood pudding, it did not go down well.
WOMAN: Tonight, America's closest ally in chaos
after the British Parliament overwhelmingly
rejected Prime Minister Theresa May's divorce deal with Europe.
MAN: Some MPs made big sacrifices to be there.
A heavily-pregnant Labour MP, Tulip Siddiq,
was wheeled through the division lobbies.
She postponed her Cesarean section
to take part in the vote.
The result itself confirmed the predictions
and the government's worst fears.
The ayes to the right-- 202.
The no's...
(yelling): Order!
Order! Order!
Goddamn. That guy's louder than his tie.
(laughter)
He's... He probably gets home from work,
and his wife is like, "Honey, how was your day?"
He's like, "It was fine!"
That place is so crazy.
Like, I wouldn't be surprised if the pregnant woman gave birth,
and her baby came out like, "Wah! I said, wah!"
So Theresa May spent two years
crafting a plan to make Brexit work.
And yesterday, her Parliament trashed it.
When I say "trashed it," I mean trashed it.
She lost by 230 votes,
the worst defeat in British history.
And look, I-I sympathize with Prime Minister May.
I mean, she's in a tough position, you know.
The left side of Parliament doesn't even want Brexit.
And the right side thinks
that Theresa May should be going even further.
So she's damned if you do, damned if you don't,
or as they say in Britain, "holly sullied if you do,
kitchen knickers in the golly pump if you don't."
(laughter)
Prove me wrong.
Because-because here's the thing.
Here's the thing, all right?
If-if Britain leaves the European Union without a deal,
the consequences could be disastrous.
Uh, the economy could be destroyed.
The country could suffer medicine shortages,
and supermarkets could run out of food.
At this point, Britain's only hope is that somehow,
Theresa May can get, like, two rabidly-opposed sides
of her country to come together around a coherent Brexit plan.
But-but based on how British people are disagreeing
with each other in the streets,
I don't know if that's gonna happen.
I can't be...
As far at the valleys are concerned...
I'm just saying... Did-did-did...
-Did I all 'em a...? I didn't call... -No.
-You said, "Like turkeys." Exactly. -Thank you. Thank you.
(laughter)
Yo, that is... that is...
That is the most British street beef I've ever seen in my life.
A fight over figures of speech.
"That-that's a simile. That's a sim..."
"Actually, it's a metaphor."
"What did you say? What did you say?"
"WorldStar, if you please."
So as of right now, America's government is shut down,
and there's trash on the streets.
The U.K.'s government is in turmoil,
and soon, they may not have food.
And Africa is watching all of this like,
"Ha-ha! Who's laughing now, huh?"