Is it possible for an intelligent person to be tricked into doubting him or herself?
Can someone who's relatively smart be kind of pushed into believing that they're crazy or that they're not good enough?
If you've ever been manipulated by a narcissist, chances are you already know the answer to that question.
Of course, it can happen, of course it can and it does far too often and that's exactly what we're talking about today at QueenBeeing.com.
How exactly it is that toxic people are so good at
confusing and gaslighting people who are highly intelligent.
So let's get started. (Closed captioning provided by Athena Moberg and
CPTSDfoundation.org)
I'm Angie Atkinson and this is toxic relationship rehab, where I help you discover,understand and overcome narcissistic abuse and toxic relationships.
So if you want to take back your life,
reclaim your power and evolve to become the best possible version of yourself stick with me, hit that subscribe button and let's get going.
Let's just jump right in here and start by defining emotional manipulation.
To put it very simply, emotional manipulation is what people do when they try to change your behavior,
your thoughts,your feelings
through
misleading practices and these practices as we all know by now that while they can be harmful to everyone involved in the situation,
some of the difficult people in your life including the toxic narcissists you might be involved with might try to use
emotional manipulation to control you. Of course, there are various ways
they can do this and various types of emotional manipulation from a child who cries to get what they want
to the adult narcissist who causes everyone around them to be miserable when they don't get what they want.
So let me ask you a question. Do you feel like someone's controlling you emotionally?
And do you feel like that person might be a narcissist? If so, stick with me, there's videos for you.
It doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand that no one wants to be controlled and that's especially true when we're talking about an adult
who is capable and relatively responsible and sometimes when someone you love is manipulating you or someone you care about or even work with,
it might start to make you think you're a little crazy
and like I mentioned at the beginning of this video, that's called gaslighting and yes, it's a real thing,
but are you tired of it yet? And if you are, let me ask you another question,
are you ready to fight back? Do you really want to fight back? Are you just like me, someone who doesn't really enjoy confrontation,
in fact someone who's willing to do almost anything to avoid confrontation and if you're anything like I used to be, maybe you've
found yourself bending over backward and making yourself entirely uncomfortable just to avoid upsetting
someone in your life,
upsetting the narcissist in your life.
I know it's hard to believe, but gaslighting works on the most intelligent people for a number of reasons.
Number 1: It works on people who have a high level of empathy, right?
So if you strongly feel other people's feelings, if someone walks into a room and you could just immediately feel their energy
you might be one of these people, an empath
and gaslighting is so effective because it's almost impossible to detect, it's very subtle the way it's done.
So right now I'm going to share with you some
kind of hidden signs of gaslighting that are easy to miss even for the most intelligent people.
This will allow you not to arm yourself and be aware that someone's trying to manipulate you and quite honestly,
I have found that being able to see things from a logical perspective.
It helped me to overcome the emotional
parts of it because if I could look at something and go okay that's gaslighting or that's projection or whatever it was,
I was able to
intellectually understand the situation and that helped me to more emotionally kind of wrap my head around it eventually.
So here are the signs. Number 1: Twisted truths. So this is one of the most common ways that narcissists kind of
manipulate us, they either gloss over the truth or they blatantly deny it and this is really a key sign,
you might be shocked at how far a narcissist will stoop in order to get their needs met,
For example, they might make a statement or a promise and then deny it even in the same breath.
Usually, a narcissist will pretend that the truth isn't what it is and then conveniently blame you and your
overreaction or your need for drama or your bad memory for whatever it is
they're saying it's the truth or they might just refuse to make any acknowledgement at all of the truth.
So why does gaslighting work so well on intelligent people?
Well,
it's a slow and methodical form of manipulation that kind of resembles brainwashing and of course if you tell them they're gaslighting you,
they'll tell you to prove it and
you'll have nothing, but your word to prove it and they know that and they use that against you, that's part of the way they
convince you you're crazy. So here's what will typically happen. The narcissist will say, oh you're full of it. I'm not doing that.
You'll say no, I'm sure of it. This is the truth. Well, this will go on until you're tired of hearing about it
and then you'll most likely give up,give in and
disagree with them or at least stop speaking your mind in order to just get them to shut up or end the conversation
and the confrontation, they know that and the reason this works is because of course it's difficult to prove that they were
manipulating you without a recording and email or some sort of tangible proof of the behavior
and I don't know about you,
but a lot of times I found myself thinking and even saying out loud - I really need to start recording our conversations.
Of course, in my case that was met with a lot of negativity and I'm sure it would be in yours as well.
In some cases the narcissist will try to fight the evidence that you present to them,
even when you do have it by telling you that you're crazy,you're over dramatic,
you're always making up stuff in your head and as someone who has probably spent a large percentage of their life manipulating,
maybe you'd even call them a professional manipulator.
A narcissist is really good at making you believe
that you didn't experience what you experienced or that you're just not remembering the conversation the same way they are or
that you've missed something or you made something up in your head.
Again, this is all the gaslighting thing, they're trying to make you feel
unstable and trying to make you doubt your experiences, then they make you feel guilty and ashamed of yourself
for even trying to talk about it and eventually you stop talking, you don't pursue this subject anymore
and that's exactly what they wanted in the first place, of course and to be perfectly honest with you
it
works far more often than even I would like to admit, on top of that, as a person who is dealing or has dealt with
a narcissist you probably also have a little CPTSD or a complex post-traumatic stress disorder
going on or at least some of those symptoms and this also could be why you haven't ended the relationship yet,
because you're trauma bonded, in addition to that it makes you more vulnerable to
gaslighting because you have been traumatized.
Another thing narcissists love to do when they're gaslighting and manipulating is to lay on the guilt.
They love to use guilt to manipulate their victims, it's really a go-to tactic that many of them use even without realizing it.
It's very subtle and a lot of times outsiders won't see it you could be in the same room as someone
being actively abused or gaslighted and that person wouldn't even know because it's so subtle and underhanded,
maybe it's a certain look on the face
the narcissist gets that tells you that when you get home you're in trouble
or maybe it's a matter of a certain phrase that they use or a certain way they hold their body,
like I said
it's really subtle and outsiders won't see it and it can be as simple as a phrase or a look or a statement that can
almost make you physically ill, because you know exactly what it means, because you know that it's inevitably going to be featured in the next
episode of narcissistic injury and then narcissistic rage that comes your way from the narcissist.
This keeps you in a constant state of anxiety and fear,
makes it much easier for you to be gaslighted.
Narcissists are infamous for loving the passive-aggressive
manipulation tactic and this is one of their favorites. They have a knack for hitting you where it hurts,
they will find and exploit your weak spots so it's easier
for you to feel guilty, this of course is where the narcissistic injury part comes in, the narcissist will then pretend to be the victim.
So you feel sorry for them
and of course if you refuse to go along with this charade,
well, you're in for it, the narcissist will cry and whine and moan and act pathetic just to get what they want, poor narcissists.
They'll stop at nothing, so don't forget that. They will act like they are so put upon,such a victim,
in fact, they'll even go so far as to accuse you of being an abuser,to accuse you of being insensitive and mean and hateful -
projection my friend, projection.
So essentially, just be aware that a narcissist acts like a little toddler on an emotional level, who needs attention
and in this case, they will be seeking sympathy in the process.
That's another important sign to recognize, remember the narcissist stops at nothing to get what they want,
they literally do not care, they're users, maybe use their friend,
their other family members to hurt you and in fact, they'll use you to hurt them.
People are just extensions, objects to narcissists, even in sometimes especially the people who are closest to them.
Another thing narcissists do to gaslight and manipulate intelligent people is they ask you to kill the messenger.
What do I mean by this?
Narcissisist have a tendency to use other people to be the messengers or the
mediators for you or some aspect of your life. Without concern for anyone involved, these abusive
manipulators will use various people to send you hurtful messages or to blame you for their issues.
Sometimes this will present itself if someone comes to you and they say they're concerned about some problem that you're having which of course
offers them the right to express their concern
to everyone in earshot,
Well, this will often lead to people around you coming up and trying to offer support in genuine ways many times, a lot of times
well-intentioned outsiders will try to reach out to you,help you and what they don't realize is that at this moment they're playing the part
of the narcissist wrote for them, it's a well practiced game of manipulation.
So what they're doing is essentially employing unintended flying monkeys, people who mean well,
they have no negative intention toward you, but the narcissist tells them a lie,tells them a story about you
that isn't true,says you're having some big problem
and this person becomes genuinely concerned about you and tries to come and talk to you and help you, in reality
what what you're dealing with is a smear campaign and the narcissist is using those people like flying monkeys,
but by bringing in those people the narcissist is not only able to deflect
responsibility from him or herself in this case,
but they're also able to blame that person for misinterpreting the message and then they have this benefit of
you not trusting that person or not feeling warmly toward that person and this of course adds to their ability to further
isolate and control you, does that make sense?
Another tactic they'll use is fear and intimidation. A narcissist knows that you hate confrontation and that's why when they feel threatened,
insecure or in any way
underserved by you,
they might just resort to anger and threats.
In other to manipulate and intimidate you, the fact is that the narcissist is known to use anger and
fear to coerce the people in their lives.
They use threats and angry outbursts to make you feel uncomfortable and upset and this isn't just you, but it certainly includes you,
I'm guessing and it's not because they can't control it, in many cases
it's a wilful behavior designed to make you conform to their will. Narcissists will also often use what is
considered by them to be justified anger to interrupt or stop a conversation
they don't like, for example a narcissist who's confronted about an affair might use an angry outburst or threats to end the conversation
or they might just storm out of the room and they will most definitely blame the person doing the
confronting, but the way they see it is if they're angry and frustrated and it's so justified,
they have every right to walk out of the room,
that's why they use that tactic. If you're in a situation with someone like this,
sometimes this can go the other direction and instead of leaving the room,
they might physically attack you. If you are in a situation like that, pay close attention to someone like that and seek help if necessary.
Another behavior a narcissist will use to manipulate you is what I call head stepping and insecurity.
You know how some people will kind of intentionally gossip about like, I don't know everyone in their lives,
they'll relentlessly pick on them,
maybe it's done in the form of what - I'm just trying to help or
maybe it's a more direct thing, like you're always so lazy,boring,stupid etc.
In other words, a narcissist is very likely to belittle you, to try to bring you down to their own level,
of course, this allows them much more effective manipulation, plus you've got to remember how a narcissists head works.
They're very insecure despite the fact that they would never admit that to anyone least of all themselves.
Sure,
the main goal of this tactic is to make you feel inferior and that makes you so much easier to control, but in reality
they are criticizing you and tearing you down to make you feel inferior because by doing that it makes them feel superior, head stepping.
Another thing narcissisist like to do to manipulate you is play power games.
They don't know how to deal with people who aren't intimidated by their behaviors,
so they spend most of the time focusing on vulnerable targets when they're seeking supply.
They are relentless manipulators, they're seeking out empaths and highly sensitive people who aren't as likely to go against them because they
feel like it's easier to influence them.
They deliberately look for someone who's vulnerable and who might have an insecurity here and there,
which is why at the beginning of the relationship, during love bombing, they want to hear all your stuff,
they want to hear about all the things that make you feel insecure, all the hard times you've had in your life,all the things
they can later use against you is what it turns out that is and
this helps them spot your insecurities and use them against you when it's time to do that, because empaths and sensitive people are
less likely to want to deal with confrontation,
more likely to be people pleasers.
We tend to be less likely to stand up to people in
a relationship and the narcissist sees this,spots it,they go after it with laser precision
and this is why it's so important to be aware of these signs in a relationship.
You can recognize emotional manipulation and you can refuse to let yourself be controlled.
You already know these kinds of relationships are unhealthy and toxic,
do what you need to do to get yourself safe and to avoid these people in the future,
you deserve better than this,remember that you're worth it and that you deserve to be happy,remember this is your life,
it's not getting any longer, how are you gonna spend the rest of it?
You are the one that gets to decide that now, please don't forget.
Alright, now this brings me to the question of the day and the question of the day is as an intelligent person,
have you been fooled by gaslighting yourself? Are you going through it right now? Share your thoughts,share your ideas, share you experiences
in the comments section below and let's talk about it. Before I go, I just want to say a really quick
thank you to everyone who watches my videos,likes my videos,comments on my videos,shares my videos,
by doing that, you're helping me to reach more survivors of narcissistic abuse and that's truly my mission in life,
so thank you for that.
While I'm here, I'd like to also say a quick thank you to my channel members, those people who choose to support me through the channel membership program
here on YouTube and you can see their names scrolling right there, thank you sincerely for your support,
it means the world to me. Before I go, take a look at the videos
I'm leaving for you right there and right there and
while you're here, hit that subscribe button so we can stay connected and continue on this healing journey together.
As always, thank you so much for being a part of my day and a part of my life and hey,
thanks for let me be a part of yours, it really does mean a lot to me. I'll see you soon.